Clean jokes...

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While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked - Are you okay?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.

I'm okay I think.

Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.

That's nice of you, but I don't think my wife will like me doing that.

Oh come now, I'm a nurse. I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly.

I'm sure my wife won't like this.

We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said - I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now.

Don't be silly. Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?

My guess is that she's still in the ditch.
 
Not so much a joke as an observation. Those who've read the Bible know about the city of Tyre and how is was describe for being magnificent, until it eventually fell due to going against the will of God.

One could basically say that Tyre went flat.
 
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks - What's going on?

Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations.

How much is everyone giving, on average?

Roughly a gallon.


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Today I was dismissed from the lingerie department of a very smart store, they said it was a communication issue with a customer. He came up to me and said he wanted some very nice underwear for his wife.

I asked Satin?

Oh no. I can afford brand new.


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“When we started working from home in March, we all pretended that we didn't have kids, or families, or personal lives that could interrupt all those Zoom meetings.

Four months later, we've all learned to be a little more realistic and understanding. If we're working from home, then yeah, kids will sometimes interrupt. Better to just roll with it.

In that spirit, when my 5-year old walked in during a Zoom meeting the other day, I invited her to say hello and introduce herself.

And then she looked at me and said, "Daddy, why are you wearing a nice shirt but no pants?"

So I'm going back to pretending I don't have kids.”
 
A man went into the doctor’s office for his annual check-up and the doctor asked if there was anything unusual he should know about.

The patient told the doctor that his suit must have shrunk over the last year, because it didn’t fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently.

The doctor said: “Suits don’t shrink just sitting in a closet. You probably put on a few kilos”.

“That’s just it, Doc, I know I haven’t gained a single kilo since the last time I wore it.”

“Well, then,” said the doctor. “You must have a case of Furniture Disease.”

“What in the world is Furniture Disease?” asked the patient.

“That’s when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers.”
 
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