Contest - Drawing 5/21 5PM PST

Thanks for the opertunity Mark. One thing about Mark he always has wood. Ok that really didn't sound right. John
 
I'm in. When I started making knives, I thought the handles would be the easy part... I think I'm finally ready for some nice wood, and I'd love to try your burl.

Dick
 
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home
drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have the perfect medicine for that" he said. "When your husband
comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it
around in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes
to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea!

Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished
and swished, and sure enough he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

Thanks for the chance!
 
I met someone today who has had kidney stones and has had kids without anesthesia. She said delivering the babies was way less painful.
 
Thanks for the chance at some beautiful blocks!

When we got the little Maltese puppy in my avatar a couple years ago, we asked our 7 year old granddaughter what we should name her. Her response: "How about Whitey White!" We're still laughing about it.
 
Burl Snake?
001-2.jpg
 
A preacher was asked by the Ladies club to do a talk on Adultry. The Preacher was not sure how his wife would like him speaking on that subject, so he told her he was speaking on boating.
After the talk one of the members of the Ladies Club met the preachers wife and told her what a great talk her husband made.
The preachers wife said, "Well, I don't know why he thinks he knows so much about that, he's only done it twice and the first time he lost his hat and the second time he threw up!"
 
Words of wisdom from Grandfather.

If you are ever lost in the woods, stop, drop your pants and begin to masturbate.

Some bastard will be right along and find you.


On dating... always date a girl with small hands.


Leadfoot
 
You can make jokes about the Swiss army knife. But, did you know that at 19 service is compulsory and that those found unfit are given alternate service. The interesting thing is that those in the Swiss military even the reservist keep their military weapons in their homes. The Stgw 90 standard service rifle fitted with an underslung 40 mm GL 5040 grenade launcher is the usual weapon. Yes, it is capable of full auto and is a great weapon. Also, citizen can easily obtain government subsidized surplus weapons after they are discharged. The average Swiss is armed to the teeth. The also have a very low crime rate. I would imagine that home invasion robberies are really really low.
 
I'm in. A lady walks into the veternarian's office with a dead duck. She says "Doc, what's wrong with this duck". The vet looks him over and says "Maam, I hate to tell you this but your duck is deceased." The lady says, "No way, he was just fine two hours ago". The vet's cell phone rings and he has to excuse himself from the room, and while he is gone a labrador retriever walks in and smells the dead duck on the table, doesn't show any interest in him, so the dog walks out. In about a minute a house cat walks in, smells the dead duck, doesn't show any interest and walks out. When the vet returns he gives tells the lady (again) that her duck is dead and gives her the bill for $150. The lady is upset about the high bill and says "150 dollars for what, you only looked at the duck for 5 minutes and then you were on the phone for another 5 minutes!!" The vet says, "Yea, but most of that fee is for the Lab work and the Cat scan".
 
I'm in, and thanks for the opportunity.

I made a bread knife a few years back and gave it to my wife to try out. She promptly sliced the heck out of her finger. She said, and I quote, "You didn't tell me it was sharp".
 
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