Guys, guys, GUYS!
Get a grip. You are getting caught up in a frenzy of desire. You will be so embarrassed
in the morning. This is just another, oh so prosaic sharp stick, all puffed up by hyperbole and your own mundane existence.

After all, what can you do with it? Spread peanut butter? Well just barely - a tongue depressor would work better. Slice your lunch apple? Well yeah if you don't mind bleeding all over your lunch bucket. Those edges are sharp you know

Come on. Calm down and reevaluate your lives. Your desperation is a sign - recognize it - take it as a gift and ennoble yourself by turning your back on this vaunted THING sale.

Set yourself free!