Dealing with a bully

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Ironwood666 said:
The teacher knows, as he's had many complaints about this kid...as far as I know, he isn't bullied, and he has a very secure home life...when I said psychopath, I wasn't joking...he seems to do it just for kicks, amd fits the definition of it perfectly. As it's mostly psychological bullying, there are no marks...and because he sucks up to teachers and other adults, he doesn't get punished. His parents can't seem to believe there's anything up, so I can't talk to them either
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In the first instance it sounds to me like the school needs to take appropriate action. You should make some sort of formal complaint to raise the matter with them. Maybe have a meeting with the bullies parents at the school.

If he is from a stable home then surely his parents will be concerned and act accordingly.
 
Physical altercations should be a last resort but in my experience it is almost always necessary when dealing with bullies especially in Jr. High and High School. When I was in 6th or 7th grade there was one little punk in particular who teased me unmerciful about my weight and would hit me on occasion. I was stronger than him but could never catch him and he knew it so finally I got fed up, lost 20 lbs in 3 weeks and one day I chased after the little bastard, caught him and beat him till he literally pissed himself. I was suspended for a week. Though he was never punished for any of the crap he gave me, I never had a problem with him or anyone else the rest of the year. I had a few problems in 9th grade too with one kid and his friends and I the teachers seemed really uninterested in helping me so I tried to ignore them, but it seemed the more I did, the worse it got so finally it ended up getting physical. I won't say I won that particular fight because we both had bloody faces at the end but I never did have a problem with that group after that. Again I don't advocate using violence when dealing with bullies but sometimes a punch in the face is what it takes before these guys relent.

I agree though, talk to the teachers and school staff first. They're taking bullying much more seriously now days it seems.
 
KnifeAddictAK said:
I wonder if you can get a small voice recorder and give it to your brother. Mess around with it first so you both know its limits, best location, etc. before using it. Then if there is a set pattern or time, have your brother record it. Then take that to the school and maybe even the school board since there is supposed to be a zero tolerance policy against bullying. Maybe even mention getting a local news crew involved if the school won't act so there will be a fire under them to act.

Edit: Scotchleaf beat me to it while I was typing lol
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Very good idea!!! Ironwood, I think that the video recorder is a very good idea. My nephew was being bullied after his football games ALWAYS in the locker room. My sister gave him a video camera and before the game and he propped it up in the corner of his locker. It worked beautifully :thumbup: They could not see the bully but they could hear him. Please let us know what you decide and good luck!!!:thumbup:
 
I gave this thread some serious thought, because my first response would be to teach you brother how to land a punch to the underside of the bullies chin the next time he opened his filthy sewer. Times have changed, and I don't think there are many places left that would mark it down as a bully getting what's coming.

Play inside the rules, make certain that recording video or voice is legal. Prepare for back lash, and I'd argue that teaching your brother how to land a punch is still a good idea.
 
THREE WORDS:

BRAZILIAN.
JIU.
JITSU.

Look up "Gracie Bullyproof"

BJJ changed my life. Wish I started when I was in school. He won't have any bully problems after he learns a little BJJ. I weigh barely 150 and my 260lb training partner is in fear of me. The smallest guy I roll with is a successful MMA amateur and a boxer, 190lbs; next guy is 205; and my professor is a Machado black belt with 14 yrs experience. I have 2-3 private lessons a week and he's 215lbs. This is my first year in BJJ. Start him now. He will be dangerous and responsible with his skill in 6 months.
 
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Well, thanks to all those who contributed to this thread! I think I'll try to record some bullying, and get that to the council of teachers and the principal...As a back up, I'll teach him some basic throws and locks so he can get the guy without injuring him if worst comes to worst.
Thanks again, Ironwood
 
Teachers are no help at all, and administraters are even less so. Have your brother find some littler kid to pick on, and after your brother beats him up a few times, the bully will realize that your brother's cool and leave him alone. Didn't the rest of you guys learn anything at school?


(This is a joke, sort of, but it is also true.)
 
One of the worst things you can do to a bully is to not take part in the little bs drama they are trying to create. These kinds of people seek validation and satisfaction by pushing your buttons until you react.

The worst thing you can do to yourself is retort mentally or physically. Not only is this kid probably much more skilled in these arts than your little brother, but would also be able to make you or your brother look like the bully and himself the victim. This is a key strategy for a lot of bullies (kids and adults alike, and yes, there are a lot of adult bullies.)

My advise (which comes without any form of guarantee) is to make your brother understand the importance of keeping a level head at all times, avoid the kid as much as he can, and learn to laugh at himself when the bully tries to make a fool out of him. Like this:

Bully: You have an ugly nose!
Victim: Ha! Yeah, I guess you're right, I never noticed that about myself :)

If its a more private kind of bullying, like text messages, or email, show it to everybody when he is around and laugh at yourself in as honest a way as possible. Laugh with him.

This sounds like being a wimp, etc., but the bully will soon tire of it if he doesn't get the reaction he was hoping for and go look for it elsewhere. Always keep calm and take the high road. If it has the opposite effect and makes the bully try a more physical approach, great, a black eye is a small price to pay for outing the bully to every adult around.

There is practically no way you can win against someone like this by retaliating.

It sucks, its not just or right, but learning to defuse a situation like this will come in handy a lot in life whenever someone tries to create psychodrama.
 
monsterdog said:
One of the worst things you can do to a bully is to not take part in the little bs drama they are trying to create. These kinds of people seek validation and satisfaction by pushing your buttons until you react.

The worst thing you can do to yourself is retort mentally or physically. Not only is this kid probably much more skilled in these arts than your little brother, but would also be able to make you or your brother look like the bully and himself the victim. This is a key strategy for a lot of bullies (kids and adults alike, and yes, there are a lot of adult bullies.)

My advise (which comes without any form of guarantee) is to make your brother understand the importance of keeping a level head at all times, avoid the kid as much as he can, and learn to laugh at himself when the bully tries to make a fool out of him. Like this:

Bully: You have an ugly nose!
Victim: Ha! Yeah, I guess you're right, I never noticed that about myself :)

If its a more private kind of bullying, like text messages, or email, show it to everybody when he is around and laugh at yourself in as honest a way as possible. Laugh with him.

This sounds like being a wimp, etc., but the bully will soon tire of it if he doesn't get the reaction he was hoping for and go look for it elsewhere. Always keep calm and take the high road. If it has the opposite effect and makes the bully try a more physical approach, great, a black eye is a small price to pay for outing the bully to every adult around.

There is practically no way you can win against someone like this by retaliating.

It sucks, its not just or right, but learning to defuse a situation like this will come in handy a lot in life whenever someone tries to create psychodrama.
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My parents gave me the same advise which I always tried to follow at first but at least in my experiences, ignoring bullies or laughing it off made it worse because when you do that, they already know they can keep harassing you and you won't do anything.
 
Thats a very real risk, especially if you don't wait it out, which is why I put avoidance first.

I had similar problems as a kid, and it completely comes down to attitude and body language in my experience. In other words, if you can act confident while laughing it off, he will back off, if you act scared or nervous, he will come back for more, its just another way of handing him what he wants.

Never hang your head or avoid eye contact, but do keep a calm smile on your face. Trust me, I learned this lesson way too late in life, but it works :) At least for me.
 
JohnTheTexican said:
Teachers are no help at all, and administraters are even less so. Have your brother find some littler kid to pick on, and after your brother beats him up a few times, the bully will realize that your brother's cool and leave him alone. Didn't the rest of you guys learn anything at school?


(This is a joke, sort of, but it is also true.)
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If its sorda true, I don't agree with it...if you bully some-one when you're bullied, you just continue the cycle

As I never really had to deal with bullies as I was always one of the strongest, I don't know about this, but these posts have really helped

monsterdog, your approach sounds good, but i feel like that's what's been going on for months, this little motherf**ker isn't your usual bully *Ironwood gnashes teeth and thinks about grabbing a busse and paying this guy a visit*
 
My opinion will not be a popular one, but I feel it's correct. All this talk now days about zero tolerance and getting the administration involved, etc. is a big problem. Too many kids will never learn to defend themselves properly and/or handle altercations whether they are physical or verbal. All kids will deal with some kind of bullying and the sooner they do, the better they learn to deal with it. So, lets say this whole situation is dealt with by the administration. When the next bully comes along, your brother will be in even deeper s--- than before. I see a lot of kids committing suicide in high school due to bullies because they have been overly protected all their lives. I am not defending bullies, but you can't change human nature. If your brother makes it out of high school without having to stand up to one, what happens when he is bullied in the corporate world? There are no teachers or principals to cry to.

I had my share of bullies growing up especially because I was always the youngest in the crowd. I cried to my mom, I would tell on them at school, and in some cases, ended in physical confrontation. Having adults fix the situation only hurt my self esteem and in some cases my reputation. It also opened the door to more bullies learning that I was an easy target. This was never a problem in elementary school, I usually swung early and didn't care about the consequences. My issues all came up in middle school and early high school when kids hormones started getting all jacked up. I had a rough time those 3-4 years. By my sophomore year, my confidence was back on track and I never had problems with bullies again. They were still around, but I learned to only get physical when necessary and to always resolve the confrontation quickly.

I wish there was an easy answer, but there isn't. I believe building up your brother's confidence by getting him involved in physical activities is the answer. Martial arts works, but just basketball or even soccer with people he doesn't know would help big time. He needs physical contact with others to learn that they are flesh and blood just like him. I think he is afraid not so much of the bully but from the idea of confrontation in general. You should always fear confrontation, however, its what you do with that fear that matters. Do you let it eat you up inside or create a 'smart' defense mechanism??

Good Luck!!
 
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monsterdog said:
Thats a very real risk, especially if you don't wait it out, which is why I put avoidance first.

I had similar problems as a kid, and it completely comes down to attitude and body language in my experience. In other words, if you can act confident while laughing it off, he will back off, if you act scared or nervous, he will come back for more, its just another way of handing him what he wants.

Never hang your head or avoid eye contact, but do keep a calm smile on your face. Trust me, I learned this lesson way too late in life, but it works :) At least for me.
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I've never had much problem with confidence when I was younger (except when it came to girls lol) but even keeping my head up high and ignoring them never helped. I always tried to avoid any conflict, especially physical, when it came to bullies but at some point you realized if you want them to stop, you have to show them you're not gonna take their sh!t anymore. On the plus side, ignoring them can help you build up a thick skin later on.
 
Just a heads up, before you record anything, make sure you live in a single party consent state (google it). If you don't live in a single party consent state, it could be against the law to record any sort of conversation he has with the bully, even if the bully is harassing him.
 
The recorder is a very good idea if you want to get other people involved. If a DA actually prosecutes a kid for recording a bullys abusive behavior on tape, then something bad should happen to him. A recording device in this case would be a tool of self defense.
 
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A bully only has power over those that give them the power. If it’s verbal abuse or manipulation then sitting your brother down and explaining to him that completely ignoring the kid will remove the power. Tell your brother to treat it like a game and act like the kid doesn’t exist no matter what he says, tell him to stare right through him as if he’s not there. If he choose to get violent with your brother then don’t dwell one moment. File an assault charge immediately with the local police. NOTHING is more powerful than a paper trail of evidence. NOTHING... Every time it goes un-reported the complaint loses credibility.

Also there is no such thing as a faculty that will ignore this no matter how much a kid sucks up to cover up his tracks. Teachers have seen it all and have been there long enough to know that children are completely capable of manipulation. If you have run this up the chain at his school without proper resolve, the next step is the school board and the local media. Inform the school that you are contacting the media as well. That will set a little more fire under their asses.

As an older sibling it is also your duty to make sure your parents are involved. I would do everything and anything to expose and embarrass the bully through every means possible. Physical violence is not the answer what-so-ever and I can’t believe it’s even considered in some above posts. Defending yourself is one thing but initiating violence shouldn’t even be an option.
 
Ironwood666 said:
If its sorda true, I don't agree with it...if you bully some-one when you're bullied, you just continue the cycle
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I didn't say that it was a good thing to do, just that it would work. It's sort of like selling your soul to the devil. In fact, it's exactly like that, but the devil will honor his part of the bargain.


ETA: But one thing that absolutely, positively won't work is ignoring the bully and hoping he'll get bored and go away. If he doesn't get a reaction, he'll just try harder.
 
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As crappy as that is, bullying is all about establishing a pecking order. Your brother, in the long run, is going to have to confront the bully in one way or another in order to let him know to look elsewhere for someone to mess with. Most bullies will back off if you confront them in some way. Used to be the going wisdom was that you should ignore the bully or tell a teacher or whatever, and it seems as though now teachers are paying more attention to this, but ultimately, ignoring a bully doesn't make them go away and is generally unfounded advice. If all else fails, and as a last resort, tell your brother to confront the guy. If he's mad enough he won't feel it when the other guy hits him, and if he gets a few good hits in on the kid the kid will think twice about messing with him. If you have experience fighting, teach him some good spots to hit (solar plexus, nose, or just above the pubic bone come to mind) and teach him to go for those. Prior to any of this though, take it as high as you can at the school, and tell him not to start a fight, as he could be charged if he does. Most schools are taking bullying pretty seriously now, and if his isn't, take it to the superintendent. Remember, everybody has a boss and nobody wants to be held accountable for the negligence of their subordinates. If the administrator isn't listening, especially after all of the suicides that have happened in recent years due to bullying, let him know you intend to take it to the superintendent and the media if need be.
 
Even if the bully is more strong, your brother must fight his way out by himself.
Eventually your brother will become more stronger and a little Man soon.
Tell Him to fight, tell Him that you cant babysitting him for ever.
 
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