Dealing with a bully

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Hey bro I ran into the same situation w my little cousin. I went to the bully's parents house. After speaking w the parents the problem was resolved. However, I told them if it continued someone twice their sons size and 3 times his age was going to get ahold of their kid. I know that sounds shitty but if someone's messing with you're family and it's actually causing a negative impact it needs to stop by whatever means possible while keeping you out of the spotlight.
 
I second the Gracie Bullyproof stuff. Not only will it teach him the physical aspects of dealing with a turd but also (and more importantly) the mental aspects. Once he builds the confidence to know that if he choses to do so, he could disbatch the bully bit#h with little effort, mentally the bully just won't matter anymore. He'll just learn to ignore him, because little bit#hes are easy to ignore. Of course if ignore doesn't work, having the ability to apply numerous pimps slaps at will doesn't hurt. Confidence does wonders...
 
Years ago, this happened to my son. I ended up "flying the flag" so to speak. I volunteered a couple half-days with the class (5th grade, I think), joked a little bit, kicked a soccer ball around with the boys at recess (real hard!), made it clear who my son was and told 'em I would be back from time to time to help (actively) at recesses and lunch hours. It worked in this case, but I had to use "adaptive management" and take a little time off work.
 
As many have said here bullying is a complex issue that isn't always easy to pin the source of the aggression down, or an easy way to end it. Someone said that the bully should respect your brother, but that doesn't necessarily mean a fix either, since the kid may respect him and thus hate him even more because he knows that he's stronger willed than he is. There's always a way to work it so he'll come back at your brother twice as hard regardless of how you choose to approach it.

However, there are good avenues you can take that are a valuable in any situation. If you can get the kid on audio or video being psychologically abusive, or threatening physical violence (whether acted upon or not) you may have a case against him to take his parents/him to court. Each state has it's own laws concerning aggression and bullying, and your state may have a law that you can utilize against the kid. The more evidence you have the better, if you get audio recordings make sure to record the time, date, place and people on the recording as soon as possible to get them right. If you can get witness accounts get them quickly and verify the persons contact information. Here's a website to start from to look into laws against bullying in your state:
http://www.bullypolice.org/

With regards to physical defense, it's always a good idea to be able to defend yourself, but it's not always a good idea to initiate the physical altercation. If the kid is good at sucking up to adults, he's probably going to be able to warp the situation in a way that benefits him and makes your brother look like a bad guy - especially if he never actually initiated any physical contact. In the U.S. it's not whether you were in the right or not or even if there's solid evidence for your case - it's how good your lawyer is and how you present your case. Even if you get him on tape threatening your brother and then your brother decks him in the face for it, there's no guarantee that the evidence will be permissible in court. Again, that isn't to say he shouldn't defend himself or to imply that you shouldn't bring the kid to court, I just mean to say that it's complex.

The ideal is to help your brother work towards a state of personal solidarity. By this I mean get to a place where he feels capable enough to withstand physical, psychological and emotional threats. This is a hard place to reach, most people never obtain it, but you can start down that path and help to make him less of a target. If you can get him to a point where he feels strong enough and capable enough to defend himself, he can start to feel like he's safe even when being threatened. That will make him less of a target and less fun to prey on. If you can get him to where he knows in his heart of hearts who he is and that he's a good person, that his choices are sound, he'll be less likely to doubt himself when under psychological attack. He needs to know how to be quick on his feet mentally, as pychopaths/sociopaths who prey on people in a social manner tend to be extremely intelligent and able to twist a persons words at a rapid pace.

The emotional side is even harder, since there's less logic and memorization involved. Part of it is just getting used to a situation through experience. My welding teacher used to say "The working definition of wisdom is experience", and it's true. Every single person is different in this area, no one set of directions will get him to a position where he's emotionally solid and unwavering during an assault, he has to find a way for himself, or at least try different ways that are offered to him. Some people do well with the military approach, I personally do well with the 'sedona method' of letting go of bad emotions on the fly, others don't. It may be worth talking to a psychologist to help him find ways to get there.


I am not a psychologist, counselor, or teacher of any kind. I honestly don't have a simple answer and the advice above may not be helpful at all. I hope your brother, you and your school system can find a way to put a cap on the kids agressive behavior one way or another. Good luck in whatever you try :thumbup:
 
I was fortunate, I was always a lot stronger than I looked, It only took one time to mess with me in school and from then on I was the one that "could" bully the bullies. My fondest memory was in 3rd grade, my first year in the school, first field trip, the top 2 bullies had taken a stuffed animal from this girl, that was all I needed. I didn't even know the girl, took both on at the same time and won and got the animal back for her. From then on I kept them in check, there was always some name calling, but nothing physical, I made sure of that.

Jon
 
[video]http://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=fat%20kid%20retaliates&source=web&cd=5&ved=0CEYQtwIwBA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Du2R qghfXR_o&ei=-VGFT7LiCo-diAfa97SmBw&usg=AFQjCNHNqRQUl7a_UOJub8bShAt7ctxnyA&cad=rja[/video]

This was all over the news out here .The very sad part of this is that the little guy was being egged on by older bigger boys until he believed he could fight a guy twice his size.
Notice how old mate steps in?
He doesn't get within grappling range of the victim and just taunts from the background like the hero that he is.
sorry to hear of you brothers drama .
I had a really evil plan for the bully but poisoning children with habanero chillis injected into scrummy wummy expensive chocolates in a big obvious bag being flaunted openly round the playground is not a good thing to do . So please do not do that.
 
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+1, most schools cant afford the lawsuits so if someone is a bully they get kicked out! report it and if nothing happens, keep going up the chain and dont stop reporting it. dont forget to document it cuz you can sue the teachers or staff if they dont do anything about it! Also you can really strike the fear of god in to the bully but you turn in to a bully as well so you gotta be careful of that. if you want him to protect himself, you can always tell him to kick or punch the bully as hard as he can in the nuts; in a street fight, there are no rules. eye gouge, nut punch/kick, biting, hair pulling is all good! Nothing says loving like having to amputate a nut cuz it got so swollen and inflammed that it cant be saved. Also, tell him to try to bite him in the nuts if he has to. I would really suggest not to give him a knife or any other type of weapon. weapons are a no no in school and will get him in to serious trouble. On the plus side, does he like baseball or feild hock? also, does he like to eat spicey stuff? a few hand fulls of hot peppers is great for salads and sandwhiches :)

in the end, I'd highly suggest reporting it and not turning to violence cuz its alwyas 3-6 on 1 and even with a weapon, your brother's chances of getting out unhurt is low. Also even if he wins, he will probally get arrested. report it and sue the school and parents of the dude! in this economic time, you can probally take their house or at least cause them to lose theirs!





cricketdave said:
Most schools have a zero tolerance rule for bullies. Have your brother report to the school counselor and follow up with email and a personal visit to the principal or vice principal. Make sure they know that you are aware of the situation and expect them to resolve it. The recorder is a good idea as well. Last resort would be your brother having a physical alteration that will cause your brother more trouble than he needs. My youngest girl has had some issues with other girls in school as well and thats the route we ended up going and got the issue resolved in all but one case. My oldest daughter took a opportune moment with no witnesses and handled that one her self. No marks but she got the point across and no more problems.
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better advice would be to get the bully to eat his parents...

JohnTheTexican said:
Teachers are no help at all, and administraters are even less so. Have your brother find some littler kid to pick on, and after your brother beats him up a few times, the bully will realize that your brother's cool and leave him alone. Didn't the rest of you guys learn anything at school?


(This is a joke, sort of, but it is also true.)
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worst advice ever! nobody is gonna wait for you to get in to position for you to use your kungfu skills on them! jesus christ, why not tell him to pray for it to stop? that would be more effective!


highpointforge said:
THREE WORDS:

BRAZILIAN.
JIU.
JITSU.

Look up "Gracie Bullyproof"

BJJ changed my life. Wish I started when I was in school. He won't have any bully problems after he learns a little BJJ. I weigh barely 150 and my 260lb training partner is in fear of me. The smallest guy I roll with is a successful MMA amateur and a boxer, 190lbs; next guy is 205; and my professor is a Machado black belt with 14 yrs experience. I have 2-3 private lessons a week and he's 215lbs. This is my first year in BJJ. Start him now. He will be dangerous and responsible with his skill in 6 months.
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Other people have said most of what I have to say, but I figured I might as well share my opinion.

Maybe in some cases, this doesn't work, but I think that by ignoring the bully and showing no fear or insult would work. If your brother is no longer affected by the bully's actions, then the bully is no longer getting the satisfaction that he is so desperately seeking.

My group of friends in high school always ragged on each other and pulled (light-hearted) pranks. There was one kid in our group who got really riled up whenever he was pranked or picked on. Because of this, we picked on him more. The bully mentality is to prey on those that are most affected by the bullying. If the bully sees that he isn't getting the reaction that he craves from the person he is bullying, he will have no reason to continue bullying him.

Building self confidence will help your brother shrug-off the attacks and will make him less of a target. Whether it be martial arts, sports, etc., your brother will build strength both mentally and physically.

Best of luck to your brother. I hope everything works out.
 
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onlooker96 said:
The only solution is to have the bully respect your brother one way or another. .
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totally false!!! only way to stop a bully is to get him to fear your brother. respect only works with the law and that only works cuz you fear the police!
 
yes and no, your example is a group of friends, nobody was really a bully in that group and they could leave and not be fked with if they wanted. this dudes brother is getting singled out and harrassed so your example does not apply. if everyone followed your advice, rapist would be doing nothing wrong cuz you can't rape the willing right?






<Flux> said:
My group of friends in high school always ragged on each other and pulled (light-hearted) pranks. There was one kid in our group who got really riled up whenever he was pranked or picked on. Because of this, we picked on him more. The bully mentality is to prey on those that are most affected by the bullying. If the bully sees that he isn't getting the reaction that he craves from the person he is bullying, he will have no reason to continue bullying him.

Best of luck!
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This topic, I take very personal. I was a Bully, and a damn mean one at that. To this day, I regret what I did to other's.
Being a Bully, I think I have insight's into why it's happening.
No matter what the Parent's say, No matter how thing's appear on the outside, there is most likely a problem at home..... be it abuse, physical and/or mental, violence against the Child or Mother, or a combination of both. A Child is a direct reflection of what is being taught at home, and that is what need's to be looked at.
As other's have stated, there is supposed to be a (Zero Tolerance Policy) against bullying and I would damn sure hold the school accountable if they are allowing it. I have went to great length's to teach my kid's about bullying and what to do about it, and NEVER be guilty of doing it. At some point the child that is being bullied, is going to have to stand up and put the Bully in his place, No matter if he win's or loses, it will teach the Bully to have some respect. A punch in the nose will go along way in gaining respect. If a person bow's to the Bully, he is only going to bring it on worse, much worse, then if he would fight back.
Another possibilty, and I have no experience with this one.... these day's with MMA, WWF ect, Parental narcissism being passed on from one or both and encouraging the kid, even being proud of it, too be a Bully although, they may not see it that way. The Bully could also be watching these program's and certainly, there is evidence of violent video games encouraging some bad behavior, could be another possibilty. If the Parent's are innocent,.... "unlikely".... it is still their responsibilty to stop this behavior.
 
paper hat said:
totally false!!! only way to stop a bully is to get him to fear your brother. respect only works with the law and that only works cuz you fear the police!
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The psychology of aggressive behaviors is more complex than either statement. Depending on the bully and whats going on his head, if he fears the other person he may increase his aggression to compensate for his own fear. Likewise he may continue his bullying but attempt it in a more subversive manner to get the other person as close to the brink/edge without incurring direct physical confrontation. Just because he feels fear doesn't mean he's going to stop.

And not all children's abusive behavior can be traced directly to poor parenting, home life, or incident in there lives. I knew a guy in highschool named Adam who used every single person around him as much as he could. He seemed to have a combination of ADHD and mild sociopathy. In every single social situation all day every day he would push everyone's personal boundaries and attempt to get them to do things they didn't want to do. He was the kind of guy who would step within 3" of you and try to put a coin up your nose, while making appear to the group as a joke/game, yet the person who was the center of this attention felt used, cornered and helpless within the group dynamic set up by him. My friend had lunch with him recently and he hasn't changed at all, within 10 minutes of the lunch he had someone uncomfortably putting a french fry up their nose.

That might not sound like bullying to a lot of people, but if you know what suffering looks like every single person who unwittingly got his attention ended up feeling humiliated and as though they weren't in control of themselves afterwards, especially the kids who were already at the bottom of the pecking order and feeling bad about themselves. Yet his homelife was excellent, his parents were kind people who gave him every oppurtunity and were present in his life in what should have been beneficial ways. To my knowledge he never experienced any major abuse of any kind in his life. His temperament, intellect and emotional structure all lead him to an abusive and controlling social interaction style seemingly without direct cause.

Get the person being bullied to a point where they are strong physically, psychologically and emotionally, help them obtain a good understanding of social interplay and they will be less of a target, but not bulletproof. No two bully's are identical, and not all of them have a easy to figure out the cause for their bullying.


Worth noting that I'm not trying to rule out any one course of action, just trying to give a voice to the harsh reality that bully's are really hard to deal with and sometimes to understand. If the did respond well to threats of a (or a straight up) beating, it may be worth taking the risk of suspension, expulsion or potential jail time to get it to stop. Those are all potentially bad results, but some situations are worth that kind of risk. Ideally it should be a last resort, but not everything lets you take the ideal path.
 
Honesty, forcing your little brother to man up and take care of the situation himself would do far better in the long run than you directly getting involved. In lieu of that, have you considered planting something in the bully's locker, JB welding that thing up, and making an anonymous tip to the school? Sure it sounds underhanded, but its about working smarter not harder.
 
Document, document, document. In addition, help your brother be a strong, confident young man in ways that are healthy.
In school (many years ago) most all my fights (I was kicked out of several schools for fighting) were over bullies. I will not tolerate it.
I work at several levels of the educational system now, but my day job is Facilities Maintenance and this affords me a lot of interaction with students and staff. Bullying is @ 0% tolerance, but they need some form of documentation or evidence to move on it. If he kept a journal of specific incidents with dates and times, it is held as credible evidence in most cases I've seen.
I'd love to tell you to teach your brother to kick the bully's ass, but it doesn't work the same any more. Unfortunately.
 
I was bullied in middleschool and highschool a lot. Get the parents involved. If that doesnt work, tell your little brother to smack that kid upside the head next time. I know it isnt the best idea... but sometimes thats how you have to resolve things. Give the little bastard a taste of his own medicine. Sorry, i just take bullying very seriously.
 
First off I am sorry this is happening to your little brother and I hope things are resolved soon. However, this thread is way off topic so I urge everyone to take a deep breath prior to posting.

If you even think you may offend someone then keep the comment to yourself and dont post.

I will let Jerry or Jaxx decide if its to be locked.
 
Ironwood666 said:
Hey all, I've got a small problem on my hands...My little brother is being bullied quite badly at school by this little psychopath who is a master at manipulating the kids and sucking up to adults. It's really beginning to hurt him and he's really upset most days. My question is, should I go talk to the kid and scare him bad, get my brother tough enough to give him his just rewards, or try something more discreet? Any other ideas would be great as well.
Thanks for looking, Ironwood
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Trying to scare the kid will accomplish at least two things. You will likely be arrested, and the kid and his family will get a restraining order against you, which they can use as a as a weapon against you.


It will also result in increased picking on your little brother.

Even the option of getting your brother "tough enough to give him his just rewards" may result in your little brother being suspended from school if he fights this kid.

Not a lot of good options.
 
I have had some similar issues with my cousin. When I was in school I used a traumatized anyone who messed with me lol (can't act tough when your being knocked out). I have tried different techniques. Shock does not work, I tried to pull a colombian cartel thing to scare a kid who was messing with one of my cousins. Had guys in the car looking sketchy I was in a suite holding a kabar to him threatening him, he got other ppl to bully for him. I found the funniest way to do it is to mess with him. rig his diet cokes to drop mentos in them when he opens them. Salt his food, laxitives, more laxitives and stool softeners, egg him in drive bys, make him believe he is being followed (get him in a walmart and have a couple of ppl walk around the store and act like they are reporting what he is doing via headphone walky thing) Randomly cut power at his house. Hack his facebook (FUN and EFFECTIVE) and publicize his secrets. May be overkill but trust me. IT WORKED. I know i am wrong for doing it but i cannot deny it was enjoyable
 
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