Destructive testing services available

For only $5 net to me I'll pack your knife into a cannon and blast it into a wood-chipper. Remains will be returned via padded envelope, along with a hand-written haiku about your knife's best flaws.
 
Mecha said:
For only $5 net to me I'll pack your knife into a cannon and blast it into a wood-chipper. Remains will be returned via padded envelope, along with a hand-written haiku about your knife's best flaws.
Click to expand...

You don't carry your knives tip down, do you?

I need someone I can trust...
 
Heck, you're all missing one of the most important points of failure in a knife.

For a mere $19.00 (PayPal preferred) I will expose your knife to the moisture of an Oregon rainy season. It will sit, unprotected, on a table for a full 12 calendar months, with occasional usage as needed to ensure a fair workout, to test for rust and corrosion. I will then return a detailed, high-resolution photo of the results to you via email, or via postal mail for an additional $19.00. My satisfaction is guaranteed or your money back.
 
Blues Bender said:
You don't carry your knives tip down, do you?

I need someone I can trust...
Click to expand...

At Gazz98 Knife Consulting, I carry a Delica 4 FFG with 4 WAY POCKET CLIP so I can sort the crap from poo! But of course I carry my knife tip up! Left side or right side? I carry my knife on the same side as you do! We are like brothers! Family discount on my knife consulting! $5 off consulting fee! *

*note processing fee when up $5 for some reason, so still $25...
 
Oh screw it just send me the knives I'll destroy them for free..
 
Is there a service that can flick my Sebenza until failure? How much? I will require an exact count of flickage and none of that one, two, three crunch like that damn Tootsie Roll Owl.

I need someone who has medical problems and a wife that packs and mails. I can then be assured of quick and timely answers to all my questions and assured of fast and accurate shipments without lost tracking numbers. Also, I will pay you in full up front.
 
Knifehunt sounds like your guy!
kjd2121 said:
Is there a service that can flick my Sebenza until failure? How much? I will require an exact count of flickage and none of that one, two, three crunch like that damn Tootsie Roll Owl.

I need someone who has medical problems and a wife that packs and mails. I can then be assured of quick and timely answers to all my questions and assured of fast and accurate shipments without lost tracking numbers. Also, I will pay you in full up front.
Click to expand...
 
kjd2121 said:
Is there a service that can flick my Sebenza until failure? How much? I will require an exact count of flickage and none of that one, two, three crunch like that damn Tootsie Roll Owl.

I need someone who has medical problems and a wife that packs and mails. I can then be assured of quick and timely answers to all my questions and assured of fast and accurate shipments without lost tracking numbers. Also, I will pay you in full up front.
Click to expand...

We use a sledge hammer to simulate up to 10,000 flicks per strike.
 
I read about cutting through a metal door with a "tactical knife" so I thought about trying it. I bought a big CRKT folder cheap but haven't figured out how to do it yet without danger to my hand.
 
He probably switched to bladesearch or something similar lol or maybe bladestalker hahaha
kjd2121 said:
Ok , I will contact him immediately. Do you think that is still his moniker? Lol
Click to expand...
 
I'd just like to thank you for selflessly offering such a helpful service to the knife community.
 
Mecha said:
For only $5 net to me I'll pack your knife into a cannon and blast it into a wood-chipper. Remains will be returned via padded envelope, along with a hand-written haiku about your knife's best flaws.
Click to expand...

I'm in on one condition.......I need to pay Friends and Family.....up front. Don't Ty to talk me out of it!

Joe
 
palonej said:
I'm in on one condition.......I need to pay Friends and Family.....up front. Don't Ty to talk me out of it!

Joe
Click to expand...

Then by all means pay them, but I don't turn on the wood chipper without my $5. Paypal gift only, no scammers. If you conceal carry tip up and to the right then no deal, that's just weird.
 
I have a recurrent fear that, one day, yet again, I'll find myself dangling five-hundred feet in the hair, with hundred pound bags of sand tied to my feet, and the only thing between me and certain death is the strength of the Axis lock in my Ritter Grip that's shoved into a crack in a cliff face, with a large mountain goat standing on the blade. We've all been there, of course. So, all this talk of sledgehammers and wood chippers is fine, but I need a REAL spine-whack test. Can anyone spine-whack my knife, for a minimum of twelve straight hours, with a wood splitter (not chipper!)? I will, of course, require X-rays and electron microscope scans of the results.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top