Don't Regret the Snark

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worldwood said:
A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the gentleman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the gentleman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The gentleman replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"
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That made me chuckle.



Two cows are standing in a field eating breakfast. One cow says to the other, "I heard there's recently been an outbreak of Mad Cow disease; It's running rampant through the Midwest. I'm starting to get a little freaked out."

The other cow calmly replies, "I'm not really worried--I'm a helicopter."
 
An elderly couple that has been married since high school is sitting on the porch together when suddenly the wife slugs her husband right in the face. He's a little dazed but manages to ask why she punched him. "That's for 70 years of bad sex!" she says. The husband thinks about this for a second and then punches his wife so hard she falls out of her chair. "What was that for?!?" She screams.

He yells back "That's for knowing the difference!!!"
 
bigghoss said:
He yells back "That's for knowing the difference!!!"
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rofl.gif
 
I heard a pretty good one last night. Two buddys was hanging out one evening. One of them had a small two seater airplane. He askes his buddy if he's ever been up in one at night to which his buddy replies "no". So they decide to go for a evening flight.....once there airborn, the pilot has a massive heart attack and dies right there in the plane, it starts to spiral out of control, having no idea how to fly a plane, he gets on the radio and calls the tower. He tells them about the pilot and what has happened. He also tells them that its pitch black and the plane is upside down. The tower responds. "If its pitch black, how do you know your upside down?" To which he replies. "Because there sh!t rolling up through my shirt collar!"
 
My Joke of the day:

daizee said:
Small, collapsible tools are always a compromise.....you can fit almost as many in the same amount of space, and they will be more rugged.
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That's what she said....


Sorry daizee, I read that and thought of that stupid saying. ;)
 
bigghoss said:
An elderly couple that has been married since high school is sitting on the porch together when suddenly the wife slugs her husband right in the face. He's a little dazed but manages to ask why she punched him. "That's for 70 years of bad sex!" she says. The husband thinks about this for a second and then punches his wife so hard she falls out of her chair. "What was that for?!?" She screams.

He yells back "That's for knowing the difference!!!"
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LMAO :thumbup:
 
Two blonds walk into a bar...


You would think one of them would have seen it....


Doc
 
Snows about to end. Looks like we got a good 7-8". Wet snow sticking to everything.
 
The Warrior said:
Snows about to end. Looks like we got a good 7-8". Wet snow sticking to everything.
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About 10" on the ground here.

Work is in a couple hours and the damn plow still hasn't been through.

That's fine. I didn't want the damn overtime anyway.:rolleyes:
 
they've been predicting 6" in the Boston area, but so far it's only been light flurries on and off down here in Li'l Rhody.
Of course it's 16F, so I'm not complaining about the lack of weather...
 
That does look good, unfortunately the older i get the more sensitive i get to shrimp.

When i was young i could eat a bowl slap full of shrimp, when i hit about 14-15, a few would make my throat and mouth itch, now it only takes one.

I talked to my doctor at about 18 because my throat started to swell a little from just 2 or 3 shrimp, and he said shellfish allergies come at any age, that really pissed me off!! Shrimp is delicious.
 
Murphnuge said:
Skeletool
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Carry one every day at work (not the CX, no bit driver IIRC). It's light has good, fairly comfortable pliers, decent blade accessible from the outside, and a slick multi-bit driver that locks the bits and works. And a well thought out bottle opener in the 'biner clip. Even the belt/pocket clip is smooth.
Murphnuge said:
I ain't using it to impress chicks man. It just works. I own 3 or 4 Leatherman tools, this one is the most basic.
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:thumbup: although chicks can be suitably impressed with it's multi-faceted capabilities, especially if you're using it to fix something of theirs. And then you open their beer for them.
james terrio said:
LOL I hear ya, brother. I just think it's fugly, and besides it doesn't have the features I want. Life is too short to carry ugly tools.
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I don't love the looks, but to keep from having to run back to my work truck for regular size tools, it does have everything I need and nothing more. Plus it's not nearly as heavy as most of their full featured tools

WW, I would check one out, if I were you. Sounds like it has everything you're looking for with nothing extra.

And thanks to everyone for your well wishes for surgery; I got home about 11:15 today after an overnight "observation" stay at the hospital. Everything went well from what the doc told me. Pulled out "one big piece" of disc material that was pressing on my sciatic nerve. Already quite a bit of leg pain reduction; be sore for a little while from the surgery and the IV. Glad I decided to do it, glad to be done with it.
 
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