Fiddleback community center

Duder Man,

As someone who travels a lot, and I mean 10 months a year, the members of the Fiddleback Hosted Forum are probably the people I have most contact with during the year - Sad but True. I have never met any of you guys but as long as i have internet access I follow what's going on and get a great joy from being able to hear about your experiences, purchases and opinions and feel I know some of you out there.
Although it is a terrible circumstance for which this thread was started, it's an affirmation that there are some terrific people out there!

Cheers mate!
 
The idea of this thread brings to mind something I recently read in a Clive Cussler novel:

"Now this is the Law of the Jungle - as old and as true as the sky;
and the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall
break it must die. As the creeper that girdles the tree trunk, the Law
runneth forward and back - for the strength of the Pack is the Wolf,
and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack "
 
+1 for Clive Cussler . . . oh, the quote too!

prom52 said:
The idea of this thread brings to mind something I recently read in a Clive Cussler novel:

"Now this is the Law of the Jungle - as old and as true as the sky;
and the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall
break it must die. As the creeper that girdles the tree trunk, the Law
runneth forward and back - for the strength of the Pack is the Wolf,
and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack "
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kevroo said:
Excellent Idea Duder!

I'm turning 36 in five days and all I find myself wanting is a day (ONE) day with no phone calls, no chores, no nothing but maybe myself surrounded by a HUGE patch of woods. I've battled with depression for many years and it really does a body good sometimes just to talk to a unbiased person.

Thank You!
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I completely get this. I've had more downs than ups over the past 8 or so years and find it hard to get relief talking to those close to me and my situation(s). Fortunately there are small areas online, like this community, where you can get solid advice and assurance that things will improve and you can make those changes that will have a positive impact on your life. In real life it's always good to have a retreat where you can get away and breath outside of constant scrutiny.
 
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Dark times....

I've been separated from my wife for almost a year. We live in the same town and share custody of our daughters and are amicable to each other but I seriously wonder where the relationship is headed. It's been a difficult 14 years. I've started going to church more regularly and involving myself with positive people who support me but it's hard. I'm not one to ever give up and I don't want to be forever labeled as the one who broke up the family but I just can't take being her punching bag anymore. Not literally, but figuratively. I live in a small town where people know too much about each other and that has made it difficult as well. Meanwhile, I treasure my time with my girls, am trying to rekindle my passions, and have enjoyed the path the FF forum has taken over the past year. While I really don't know any of you very well, this is still the place I consider home at bladeforums and have always appreciated the dialogue I've shared with members through PMs and emails.

Thanks Duder, guess I had something to get off my chest today.
 
crm3137 said:
Dark times....

I've been separated from my wife for almost a year. We live in the same town and share custody of our daughters and are amicable to each other but I seriously wonder where the relationship is headed. It's been a difficult 14 years. I've started going to church more regularly and involving myself with positive people who support me but it's hard. I'm not one to ever give up and I don't want to be forever labeled as the one who broke up the family but I just can't take being her punching bag anymore. Not literally, but figuratively. I live in a small town where people know too much about each other and that has made it difficult as well. Meanwhile, I treasure my time with my girls, am trying to rekindle my passions, and have enjoyed the path the FF forum has taken over the past year. While I really don't know any of you very well, this is still the place I consider home at bladeforums and have always appreciated the dialogue I've shared with members through PMs and emails.

Thanks Duder, guess I had something to get off my chest today.
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As you continue to go to church, keep learning and gleaming from the Bible. Jesus Himself said that he came not to be served, but to serve others. So many times in life (if we are honest with ourselves) we look after ourselves first and foremost. It sounds like you don't want to quit . . . but that its really hard. Jesus also said that we are to love God first with all our hearts, souls, and might . . . and that the second greatest commandment is to love other people like we love ourselves. Then he added to it and said that we are to love our enemies too! That's hard stuff. But maybe if you respond with kindness and love to every 'punch' she gives out, maybe just maybe the love of Christ will win her over! There is nothing like having a united family. I can't imagine being separated from my wife and daughters. That's not to say we are perfect and never have problems, but love always wins out when I realize I'm being selfish. Forgiveness and love go a long way! I hope you are able to find some encouragement from these few words! Keep on keeping on!
 
crm3137 said:
Dark times....

I've been separated from my wife for almost a year. We live in the same town and share custody of our daughters and are amicable to each other but I seriously wonder where the relationship is headed. It's been a difficult 14 years. I've started going to church more regularly and involving myself with positive people who support me but it's hard. I'm not one to ever give up and I don't want to be forever labeled as the one who broke up the family but I just can't take being her punching bag anymore. Not literally, but figuratively. I live in a small town where people know too much about each other and that has made it difficult as well. Meanwhile, I treasure my time with my girls, am trying to rekindle my passions, and have enjoyed the path the FF forum has taken over the past year. While I really don't know any of you very well, this is still the place I consider home at bladeforums and have always appreciated the dialogue I've shared with members through PMs and emails.

Thanks Duder, guess I had something to get off my chest today.
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I try hard to not be preachy, in life or on the forum. But forgive this one indiscretion. A lot of mistaken Christians think it is their plight in life to be a doormat, but I believe Jesus teaches us anything but that. Yes, the life of Christ is a self-sacrificing one, but that sacrifice is for God's desires to be fulfilled, not the desires of an abusive spouse, a greedy corporation, or the bully at school.

And more than that. Jesus understands that relationships cannot exist without certain (minimum) boundaries being respected. So Jesus issues a process of "boundary maintenance" for his followers to replicate in their own lives (Matthew 18:15-17). Steps 1-4, with the fourth step being severing all relationship. Jesus knows that if. Certain boundaries cannot be respected, then there can be no relationship.

Of course, Jesus does add later in the same chapter an instruction to be ever willing to be reconciled ("forgive 70 times 7 times") provided that the boundaries will now be respected.

There are sad and difficult times in our lives when we have to stand up and say "No! You will not treat me this way." And I believe, despite the difficulty, that this can be a very Christian action, in accord with God's sense of justice.

End sermon. Forgive me, friends.


Michael
 
crm3137 said:
Dark times....

I've been separated from my wife for almost a year. We live in the same town and share custody of our daughters and are amicable to each other but I seriously wonder where the relationship is headed. It's been a difficult 14 years. I've started going to church more regularly and involving myself with positive people who support me but it's hard. I'm not one to ever give up and I don't want to be forever labeled as the one who broke up the family but I just can't take being her punching bag anymore. Not literally, but figuratively. I live in a small town where people know too much about each other and that has made it difficult as well. Meanwhile, I treasure my time with my girls, am trying to rekindle my passions, and have enjoyed the path the FF forum has taken over the past year. While I really don't know any of you very well, this is still the place I consider home at bladeforums and have always appreciated the dialogue I've shared with members through PMs and emails.

Thanks Duder, guess I had something to get off my chest today.
Click to expand...

That's tough brother. Knowing when to throw in the towel sometimes takes a lot more courage and effort than staying IMO. I know a few families that are raising young children and all they do is fight fight fight. The effects it has on their children is disgusting and very sad. They (the children) pay for it in their immidiate as well as distant future, believe me. Coming from a divorced home, I thank the man up stairs that my parents split when they did. I can say whole heartedly that I grew up in a happy positive environment with my father. To this day I don't blame either one of my parents for their separation.

Surrounding yourself around positive people is the best thing a person can do. Try not to get on yourself so hard man. Nobody deserves to be someone's punching bag; regardless of their past.

Stay positive brother, for you and your daughters sake.

Thanks for sharing, I know that wasn't easy.
 
Hey crm, sad to hear that man. I'm not going to give you any advice, mainly because I don't really know you or your whole situation. However, I will say that I'm down here in the trenches with you, and will share my story. I've been going through a divorce myself (it will be official in a few weeks), and it's been a roller coaster ride of any and all emotions. However, in my case, it's been one of the smarter decisions that I've made in the recent past. The wife and I tried to make it work, but it just wasn't going to happen. It wasn't good for us, nor the kids. However, once we decided to throw in the towel (the process for us has been very amicable), things started to get a whole lot better. Almost night and day. The pressure melted away and we started getting along better than we had in 5 years. At this point (near the end of the process), we are working together pretty efficiently, and trying to make this as easy as we can on the kids. Again, is this an ideal situation, certainly not. I also believe that a happy, healthy, united family is the best. However, all you can do is play the cards you are dealt, the best way you know how. And in the end, that has to be good enough.

I'll second what the Duder said though. Please do what you can to stay positive! This too shall pass.
 
Thanks for the replies and support everyone! It means a lot and yes it's hard to open up publicly on something like this. I don't know what your vocation is Josiah, but you're intentions always seem so positive and outward that I'm sure you must do something that contributes greatly.

Please forgive my editing, just trying to be succinct in reply.

lmari55 said:
As you continue to go to church, keep learning and gleaming from the Bible. Jesus Himself said that he came not to be served, but to serve others. So many times in life (if we are honest with ourselves) we look after ourselves first and foremost...if you respond with kindness and love to every 'punch' she gives out, maybe just maybe the love of Christ will win her over! Jesus also said that we are to love God first with all our hearts, souls, and might . . . and that the second greatest commandment is to love other people like we love ourselves. Then he added to it and said that we are to love our enemies too!

There is nothing like having a united family. I can't imagine being separated from my wife and daughters.
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Part of my problem is not putting myself first enough. Honestly. I've always put her ahead of me and I don't think it's always been the right move. I hear what you're saying though. And she grew up Baptist but has been very atheistic the past decade; it's slightly depressing to be around. It's like she's almost rejecting Jesus on purpose. ??? I shake my head. It's a rejection of moral thought as well. Fortunately my daughters are with me at least half the week or more and here every weekend.

RRaconteur said:
A lot of mistaken Christians think it is their plight in life to be a doormat, but I believe Jesus teaches us anything but that. Yes, the life of Christ is a self-sacrificing one, but that sacrifice is for God's desires to be fulfilled, not the desires of an abusive spouse, a greedy corporation, or the bully at school.

And more than that. Jesus understands that relationships cannot exist without certain (minimum) boundaries being respected. So Jesus issues a process of "boundary maintenance" for his followers to replicate in their own lives (Matthew 18:15-17). Steps 1-4, with the fourth step being severing all relationship. Jesus knows that if. Certain boundaries cannot be respected, then there can be no relationship.

There are sad and difficult times in our lives when we have to stand up and say "No! You will not treat me this way." And I believe, despite the difficulty, that this can be a very Christian action, in accord with God's sense of justice.
Michael
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This is the same conversation I have with my priest and it is part of my prayer for understanding. I often find she is a character in many of Jesus' parables and I'm often disappointed in what I learn. Recognizing and acting on this disappointment is key for me moving forward from this.

Joe Duder said:
That's tough brother. Knowing when to throw in the towel sometimes takes a lot more courage and effort than staying IMO. I know a few families that are raising young children and all they do is fight fight fight. The effects it has on their children is disgusting and very sad.....

Surrounding yourself around positive people is the best thing a person can do. Try not to get on yourself so hard man. Nobody deserves to be someone's punching bag; regardless of their past.

Stay positive brother, for you and your daughters sake.

Thanks for sharing, I know that wasn't easy.
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The fights were awful. I first put my foot down last August and said enough. There was a lot of trauma for the family last year and it needed to end. There was a big one this past January though and I had to call the sheriff to come escort her away. And I've really had to perform triage on our circle of friends and discard many who were overwhelming me with negativity or lack of perspective. I fill the time with reestablishing old friendships that have lain dormant and taking on new responsibilities at work.

velosa said:
Hey crm, sad to hear that man. I'm not going to give you any advice, mainly because I don't really know you or your whole situation. However, I will say that I'm down here in the trenches with you, and will share my story. I've been going through a divorce myself (it will be official in a few weeks), and it's been a roller coaster ride of any and all emotions. However, in my case, it's been one of the smarter decisions that I've made in the recent past. The wife and I tried to make it work, but it just wasn't going to happen. It wasn't good for us, nor the kids. However, once we decided to throw in the towel (the process for us has been very amicable), things started to get a whole lot better. Almost night and day. The pressure melted away and we started getting along better than we had in 5 years. At this point (near the end of the process), we are working together pretty efficiently, and trying to make this as easy as we can on the kids.

I'll second what the Duder said though. Please do what you can to stay positive! This too shall pass.
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I'm happy for you that it has ended so smoothly! I think my wife and I both know it's over and not the right path moving forward but I believe she is one to never admit failure and will not allow there to be mutual responsibility for a failed marriage. She is the type who would prefer to pile blame and bitterness upon me and the girls for the rest of our lives, regardless of consequence. Scary. It's something we tried to get counseling on but we never get beyond her black-and-white judgements. We are going to try a different counselor.
 
Even though my buddy out sharked me for the Lonestar EDC (my fault I had plenty of time), I'm having a kick ass day!
 
I had copied and pasted the Lonestar description 3 times, and I never pressed post. I really have a lot of small knives, very few of which I actually carry. So I kept talking myself out of it.
 
Duder, This is an awesome thread! Great idea and a great memorial! This is a fantastic group of people with common interests and it's amazing how everyone supports each other! This is what friendship is all about!

-Will
 
Joe Duder said:
Even though my buddy out sharked me for the Lonestar EDC (my fault I had plenty of time), I'm having a kick ass day!
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You are the man, Duder! If you ever get the itch, maybe I'll send her out to Cali for a few weeks for a little fun in the sun and some trout fishing with Ol' Duder.

McVeyMac said:
I had copied and pasted the Lonestar description 3 times, and I never pressed post. I really have a lot of small knives, very few of which I actually carry. So I kept talking myself out of it.
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Hey Walt. Man I got a good laugh out of this post. I did the exact same thing today! However, I'm a sucker for the odd-ball and uncommon Fiddleback models. In the end it was just too much and I had to do it.
 
Wanted to fit in a little better, so I just went Gold! Thanks to everybody for making this such a cool place to hang around :D
 
RRaconteur said:
Way to go! I knew we'd bring you around sooner or later. ��


Michael
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Joe Duder said:
I need sunglasses to look at your name! :cool: The bling!
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velosa said:
Nice Imari! You won't regret it.
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McVeyMac said:
Every post on this page is gold, way cool Imari55.
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Thanks guys! I've seen lots of comments about level of commitment and being taken seriously, and I like being part of this sub-forum, so it was the logical step to take!
 
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