Mall Ninjas...

Noctis3880 said:
I carry 5 knives(3 folders and 2 fixed) to work everyday. 1 for tape, 1 for cardboard, 1 for food, 1 for EDC(Umnumzaan, which of course has a glass breaker), and 1 for SD. I have a 1000 lumen custom made Surefire 6P(black of course) with a crenellated bezel and strobe function in my left pocket. Total value of what I carried today was about $2,000 worth of gear:thumbup:.

At home I have a Hanwei Tactical Wakizashi, a full size katana from kris cutlery, and an ESEE Junglas. I'm considering getting a Kimber handgun, a bulletproof vest, and a nice sturdy helmet for a SHTF situation.

Well? Do I qualify for the prestigious title of "mall ninja":D?
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You forgot an important piece of equipment, anti-armor capability. Take for instance this situation: A disgruntled lieutenant from a nearby armored cavalry base hijacks an M1 Abrams and begins to drive it into civilian territory near your retailer complex. Luckily, your years of Black-Ops experience sabotaging Soviet T-62's and T-55's in the Middle East has prepared you for such a situation. You rush out to your '89 Yugo and procure a FGM-148 Javelin from the trunk, and find a good vantage point on the second floor in between Abercrombie and Fitch and Hot Topic to take out the rogue tank. With G36c in hand you inspect the now burning remains of the once mighty tank. As the sun sets, casting purple and pink hues over your beloved mall, you feel the sense of duty and honor that you so rightfully attained. You raise your wakizashi in triumph. You are the mall ninja, defender of the weak and innocent.
 
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EagleScouter said:
You forgot an important piece of equipment, anti-armor capability. Take for instance this situation: A disgruntled lieutenant from a nearby armored cavalry base hijacks an M1 Abrams and begins to drive it into civilian territory near your retailer complex. Luckily, your years of Black-Ops experience sabotaging Soviet T-62's and T-55's in the Middle East has prepared you for such a situation. You rush out to your '89 Yugo and procure a FGM-148 Javelin from the trunk, and find a good vantage point on the second floor in between Abercrombie and Fitch and Hot Topic to take out the rouge tank. With G36c in hand you inspect the now burning remains of the once mighty tank. As the sun sets, casting purple and pink hues over your beloved mall, you feel the sense of duty and honor that you so rightfully attained. You raise your wakizashi in triumph. You are the mall ninja, defender of the weak and innocent.
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Get out of here, SPECOPS!
That was actually good writing. You have skill there.
 
I had no idea mall cops took their jobs so seriously. I for one am thankful that guys like that are out there protecting me and my family at the mall.
 
I think I may have previously taken the 'Mall Ninja' for granted. All those times whilst shopping when I did *not* see them take down a threat is only a testiment to their skills of lethal stealth. We owe the mall ninja a debt of gratitude...

[video=youtube;49fVYmO3yv0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49fVYmO3yv0[/video]
 
timberweasel said:
I think I may have previously taken the 'Mall Ninja' for granted. All those times whilst shopping when I did *not* see them take down a threat is only a testiment to their skills of lethal stealth. We owe the mall ninja a debt of gratitude...

[video=youtube;49fVYmO3yv0]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49fVYmO3yv0[/video]
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Bladeforums needs an upvote system. This is the funniest damned thing I've seen all week.

:thumbup: Thanks, timberweasel.
 
Noctis3880 said:
At home I have a Hanwei Tactical Wakizashi, a full size katana from kris cutlery, and an ESEE Junglas. I'm considering getting a Kimber handgun, a bulletproof vest, and a nice sturdy helmet for a SHTF situation.

Well? Do I qualify for the prestigious title of "mall ninja":D?
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You need to carry those around strapped to your unnecessary webgear, with extra trauma plates duct-taped onto your body to really qualify :)

With regards to the mall ninja sword being useful because you can beat it to hell...well, lets just say that for the typical mall ninja sword, if you beat it to hell, there's a good chance it will break and maim you.

I also am not sure I agree about the jorts being the official clothing item. I see mall ninjas in retired camo pants more often.

I wish I could find that video of the EDC loadout where the guy is carrying everything from a shotgun to the kitchen sink... that would be great fodder for this thread.
 
While that link is hilarious, its nothing but trolling. I simply refuse to believe that man is capable of legitimately making that many statements that are so idiotic.
 
BePrepared said:
if for no reason other than that i LOVE to spread this around, HERE is the story of the REAL mall ninja.

The thread posted at this link is the original event that CREATED the term "mall ninja"

it is long, but if you can make it through the whole thing, you will laugh for the rest of your life

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
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No matter how many times I read that thread I laugh my ass off. The whole thing is just priceless and I'm pretty sure he was talking about the Pallisades Mall near me.
 
EagleScouter said:
You forgot an important piece of equipment, anti-armor capability. Take for instance this situation: A disgruntled lieutenant from a nearby armored cavalry base hijacks an M1 Abrams and begins to drive it into civilian territory near your retailer complex. Luckily, your years of Black-Ops experience sabotaging Soviet T-62's and T-55's in the Middle East has prepared you for such a situation. You rush out to your '89 Yugo and procure a FGM-148 Javelin from the trunk, and find a good vantage point on the second floor in between Abercrombie and Fitch and Hot Topic to take out the rouge tank. With G36c in hand you inspect the now burning remains of the once mighty tank. As the sun sets, casting purple and pink hues over your beloved mall, you feel the sense of duty and honor that you so rightfully attained. You raise your wakizashi in triumph. You are the mall ninja, defender of the weak and innocent.
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Nice writing. I especially like the contrast between the old Yugo and the Abrams tank painted rouge. Victory of the underdog over the fashion forward lieutenant!
 
I am pretty sure Specops and Gecko trolled the hell out of that forum. I refuse to believe that any of that thread was spoken seriously.
 
Murdamook said:
I am pretty sure Specops and Gecko trolled the hell out of that forum. I refuse to believe that any of that thread was spoken seriously.
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What is more funny is all the people who take it seriously and get worked up about it.
 
Bill1170 said:
Nice writing. I especially like the contrast between the old Yugo and the Abrams tank painted rouge. Victory of the underdog over the fashion forward lieutenant!
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Lol, I misspelled "rogue" as "rouge." :foot: What a difference the placement of a "u" makes! :D
 
LOL, I was once a mall ninja... The first blade I ever bought was a $12 sword! I have more sophisticated tastes now. :P
 
My guilty pleasure is messing with mall ninjas when I work. I just mess with them. "Can this knife cut through a person?" ME: CAN THIS KNIFE CUT THROUGH A PERSON?? CAN THIS KNIFE CUT THROUGH A PERSON??? It's made of chinese steel isnt it!! Amazing huh?

the sad part is i usually get a sale from that........
 
So does a mall ninja mean the person actually has to have delusions about himself or the cheap products he buys or is it just the purchase of the items in general?
 
I'm thinking I could be termed a Mall Ninja. I always carry a large, and what has come to be called "tactical folder". I rarely ever use it as the slipjoint I carry can take care of average daily tasks that would require a knife. I always tell myself that I carry this style knife because I just appreciate the way it is constructed, materials used, and the fact that if I'm ever at the mall and a situation arises where a large tactical folder would save the day, I have it.;):D

Joking aside I do carry this style knife and enjoy showing it to other folks that know what a knife is.:thumbup::)


BTW, I guess a lot of us here have a tiny bit of mall ninja in us, just because we are crazy for knives.
 
BePrepared said:
if for no reason other than that i LOVE to spread this around, HERE is the story of the REAL mall ninja.

The thread posted at this link is the original event that CREATED the term "mall ninja"

it is long, but if you can make it through the whole thing, you will laugh for the rest of your life

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
Click to expand...

Best quote from that "We would never consider using any missles larger than our modified surplus Shrikes" I copied and pasted that. They apparently do not teach spelling at this individual's mall ninja school. Missiles, moron!!!

I saw that and nearly ruined a perfectly good pair of pants and the chair beneath them. I once heard that those who actually do this kind of stuff (corporate protection, body guarding, etc) don't really talk about it in such detail with those who really don't need to know, leading me wonder exactly how much online research this idiot had to do just to keep the thread sounding as if her is some coherent mall ninja commando. Don't you just wish you could kill the thread and not need to be the mod. Maybe person to person conversations should make a comeback to weed out dumb garbage like this. Well, I guess if you give an idiot an audience and feedback he will think people actually want to hear him talk.
 
Nternal said:
So does a mall ninja mean the person actually has to have delusions about himself or the cheap products he buys or is it just the purchase of the items in general?
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usually a combination of the two. I got into GOOD knives when I was 18 but it still pained me(i tried to avoid moving cheap shit and push midrange or high end products) Now I am watching kids that are 18 old enough to come into the store strut like they know more than I do. Then they go over to the stuff that looks "cool" usually in a highschoolers view. You can tell by their attitude and demeanor if they are one.
I saw one carry a karambit into the store once....My first reaction was to go behind him and pull it out of his pocket real fast by the ring which was sticking to far out. From my 10 years of training with that weapon, I have learned that its a fighting knife. Not really something you carry unless your expecting something. when he complained, I handed it back to him explaining. He said "oh I have 10 years of training with it too [despite him being about 18......... and holding it WRONG]". I carry mine because I sell knives and sometimes to drunk idiots who wave things around. If they carry something they don't know how to hold/ use/ is overkill/ or just impractical that is a good sign. usually its low end product because the designs of the knives they like are only made by people who dont care about a reputation.

That day, I learned that I do not have to worry about armed mall ninjas. They can't use their stuff correctly so they will just injure themselves and do your job for you if they act up
 
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