Marriages?

The hardest, and most rewarding thing I've ever done. 17 years and counting.

We deal with some mental health issues at home, which just rather ups the ante, but ultimately has brought us both deeper.

I had an 8 month, horrible marriage when I was a young twit - she'd been a great girlfriend, and ought to have stayed that. I wasn't aware enough to know better.

FWIW, we are programmed to ask the wrong questions, when looking for a partner. Who you want isn't necessarily the one who jingles your hormones - it's who you'll be fascinated talking with 30 years down the road.
 
My parents are married still at ~40 years. My grandparents were still together on both sides. My wife's family is the opposite. Many changes and endings. Only her dads parents remained married for life.

I met Leah 10 years ago on June 7th, 1996. It was love at first sight, and we moved in together two days later. We married five years ago. We've always been faithful to one another. At times it was like we were holding on with our fingertips, but we've held.

My friends are all marrying now and always ask for advice. I'm always suprised they ask me but I tell them this. A successful marriage is based not on love, but on the commitment. The love can come and go, and will, believe me, but if the commitment goes the whole thing is done.

I agree with Tom, that men today are choosing their women based on the wrong criteria. Jake and I have agreed on this before as well. If you're looking for a 'fluffy headed servant' then you're probably not going to get a good wife in the end. JMHO.
 
Well, I reckon a marriage is like other relationships- commitment and trust are vital.

At the same time, I finally realized (AFTER my "starter marriage") that life is too damn short to be unhappy. Sometimes folks can be good folks, but just not meant to be with each other.

Speaking of which, my exwife had surgery to remove her pituitary gland two weeks ago. She says she's healing well, thankfully. :)

I believe one day, I might meet someone special walking down a path I'm on. I'd like that.
 
First marriage was 20 years of hell on earth. I hung in there because I believed that the only reason for divorce was adultery.... Amazing what wrong beliefs will do to you. Yes, I got out of that church.

Wife #1 decided to hit the road and I did not stop her.

Second marriage is now 5 years, and it is every bit as fantastic as the first one was horrible. Amazing what right beliefs will do for you.

This marriage is until death.
 
I think a Pollyanna is someone who goes about her life obliviously, not understanding the compromises she makes every day while judging others by a different score card, but I could be wrong.
She looks pure and good but deals with the same hard questions as all of us, only ignores them.



munk
 
31 years old, divorced after 7 years of marriage. One child, now 6 yrs old and living with her mother 1000 miles away. I got married young, and wasn't ready. I don't miss her at all, mainly because we had nothing in common in the first place and she was a nagger and a whiner with a sense of entitlement and no work ethic, and I was (and still am) OCD, unattentive, self centered, independent, and a workaholic. I have a girlfriend now, and don't know quite what to do as she is a good person, good looking, and a good companion, but I think that I'm not the marrying type just by my nature. Also, now that I have a daughter, I don't know how I can put anyone else ahead of her. Not even another wife would take priority over her, and if she tried it would be divorce #2 for me.

My dad was married and divorced twice, his dad was married and divorced twice, my mom was married three times (still on her third). Dysfunctional family for three generations.
 
Together about 28 years

Married 25 next July

What's the secret? Ya gotta be friends before anything else, I can't imagine wanting to spend time with anyone else.

I moved into the weeds of Pennsyltucky with my wife 20 years ago in the beginning it was only us no friends, hell no TV, electric or indoor plumbing for the first 3 years married.

We had a coal/wood stove, ate a lot of deer and rabbit, old lady learned to cook stews, soups and casseroles on that stove, I knew then that any woman that would live like that for me would be here forever, we've been piss-poor broke, wealthy, sick and healthy still side by side we stand together, forever in Love , together forever.

That's not to say she can't push my buttons,(believe me can) and that's not to say I don't irritate the crap outta her,(I can) you just learn to balance, give room when needed, stand firm where you hafta.

Just remember never ever say anything in anger, or end the night in anger and remember who your best friend is.
 
Marriage? Marriage? Shiver my timbers and bless my soul. There be some I wouldn't take home to mother, but by thunder I would take 'em home. ;)

00715_elvira.jpg


Just teasing, I was married for nine years, and wouldn't have traded the experience, or my daughter (a fine young woman now) for anything. Trouble was my ex couldn't hang with the life. Not knowing when I'd be gone, how long, or if that blue sedan with a chaplain and a liaison officer in it was going to pull up the driveway, ground her down. She tried to get me to find some way out, to stay home, but I wouldn't do that, and so we parted ways. She married a guy whose job never takes him out of the county, much less the country, and she's happy now, at least I hope she is.

I mentioned this for those who haven't yet married, and are thinking about it. Be sure what you're getting into, and that you can handle it. People can change some things about themselves, but other things they can't, or won't, and it ain't fair to expect 'em to.

Sarge
 
40 years and a couple more before marriage. She is my best friend in life. She picks up the pieces around me before I even know something is broken. And she has a great sense of humor, and makes THE BEST pie crust, and we give each other space.
 
#1 - 4 years
#2 - 21 years, 18 hours
#3 - well, that will probably never happen, but I guess it will either be 3rd times a charm, or 3 strikes you're out.

Commitment, Communication, Compassion and Compromise.
 
Yup. Sometimes, she's right ... even when she's wrong. Just gotta accept that. The person's more important than being correct on this issue or that.

So sometimes you nod your head politely and say with as much sincerity as you can muster "Yes, dear. I must have been mistaken .... the grass really is bright blue today." And find a way to mean it. Course, sometimes, she says that to me too.:rolleyes:
 
I was married for nine years. And unfortunately, we divorced four months ago. I know that I had the love and determination to make the relationship a lasting, lifelong one, but my ex didn't. In retrospect, I don't think he ever had it in him. We still remain friends.

As for my future, I look at life from the standpoint that I won't ever marry again. I don't want to live my life as if I'm in a holding period until someone wonderful comes along. I am living my life right now to its fullest. While I love the notion of falling in love to the point of making a lifetime commitment, I think it's highly unlikely that it will ever happen for me. I think I'm probably way too picky these days, and I'm probably too much of an acquired taste anyway. LOL I'll still live a very full life though. I just have to establish a different set of goals for myself. As much fun as I have with my friends these days, I know that I need to find something more constructive to do with myself in order to fill the void.
 
jsmatos said:
I don't want to live my life as if I'm in a holding period until someone wonderful comes along. I am living my life right now to its fullest.
Click to expand...

Amen to that. I have no intention of marrying, and the idea that I'm somehow incomplete because of it kind of creeps me out. No offense to married folks -- I do think that marriage is a fine idea... for other people. ;)
 
To echo a lot of you, you have to be best friends first. My wife and I have been best friends for years. You'll never see me pining for a night out with the boys. The "boys" all live out of town. We visit each other a couple times a year. Other than that, it's just me and her. We like it that way:) Granted she likes to drag me out to bars and dinners with co-workers. I don't mind. However, if there was just one person that i could spend the rest of my waking hours with, it would be my wife.
Why do we get along so well? Probably because she's a total goof, just like me. I love to watch her move and talk. She has this uncomfortable quirky animation about her with her tall 5'10 frame. It's like watching a Joan Cusack movie every day. :D She's a bit of a whiner, not a real deal whiner, but enough that i call her out on it. She was the baby of her family. Of course, i'm the worlds worst smart @$$, and she can live with that, so i guess we're even. Socially, I have all the right moves, but I can't stand being among groups of people. She's just the reverse, totally open but falls all over herself. It's a quirky Jerry Lewis charm that really makes people open up around her. Oh and dear God in Heaven, but why is that any time my wife is clothed in a bride's maid dress that she feels the compleling urge to act the fool on the dance floor?:D Everytime in shades of pinks and greens and blues she cuts a swath across the floor, out of step and white-as-white-can-be. Just shaking the groove thing that all the female members of her family have. She's having such a good time as I sit back at my seat laughly hard enough to wind myself....and drinking;)
I guess the point is that she makes my life rich. Married or not, I wouldn't trade her in for the world. She makes me WANT to be a better man, but she asks nothing more of me that for me to love her with all my heart. Having her become my Mrs. was the single greatest achievement in my life so far. I'm so very proud that she would have me.

jake
 
In the closest thing to order I can muster:

"Who you want isn't necessarily the one who jingles your hormones"

The chemistry usually wears off in 9-18 months, but what a good time : )

I'll confess to not knowing what a BK is either. I hope it's a new sex thing.

"We had a coal/wood stove" Very romantic : )

"Just remember never ever say anything in anger, or end the night in anger and remember who your best friend is."

I'm still working on the first part of that good advice.

Elvira, yes : ) They want to bring her back to host a set of direct to DVD movies. Cassandra Petersen has trained a new Elvira for that.

TomFetter, I'd caution you against the use of 'yes dear' but I don't know your wife. Though it hasn't worked well for me either way.

And for those of you who got out while the going was good. I don't judge you. Some matches become destructive for all involved. I was mostly worried that I'd blithely missed times changing to a point where marriage was expected to be temporary.
 
Percentage of population that is married: 59% (down from 62% in 1990, 72% in 1970)
Percentage of population that has never married: 24%
Percentage of population that is divorced: 10% (up from 8% in 1990, 6% in 1980)

Taken from here:
http://www.divorcemag.com/statistics/statsUS.shtml

The trend is what it is.
Likelihood of new marriages ending in divorce in 1997: 43%
Percentage of all householders who are unmarried in 2000: 48%



n2s
 
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