Marriages?

jsmatos said:
I was married for nine years. And unfortunately, we divorced four months ago. I know that I had the love and determination to make the relationship a lasting, lifelong one, but my ex didn't. In retrospect, I don't think he ever had it in him. We still remain friends.

As for my future, I look at life from the standpoint that I won't ever marry again. I don't want to live my life as if I'm in a holding period until someone wonderful comes along. I am living my life right now to its fullest. While I love the notion of falling in love to the point of making a lifetime commitment, I think it's highly unlikely that it will ever happen for me. I think I'm probably way too picky these days, and I'm probably too much of an acquired taste anyway. LOL I'll still live a very full life though. I just have to establish a different set of goals for myself. As much fun as I have with my friends these days, I know that I need to find something more constructive to do with myself in order to fill the void.
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I think you're attitude here is comendable. Its strong people that attract me as friends, and before I married, as lovers. You seem to be a knife lover too with that post count. You should hang out around the cantina more. I think you're cantina material!!!
 
Um...gotta be said...

Jennifer?....Dave. Dave?...Jennifer.

After all, ya both love khukuri.
 
Well, if you got married in a Church, there is one other thing to consider. As one Holy Man advised me a while back (Pontiff, Preacher, Priest - can't remember) "maybe you are the man God wants that woman to have." If so, the whole thing takes on the aspect of an "assignment," and this viewpoint helps on those days when it seems like a "Sh$t Job."

In my case, the deed was done by a Judge 18 years ago. I knew the guy so it only cost me $25 - and he threw in a gratuitous lecture about staying out of Family Court, etc. etc. which must have done some good since I have stayed out of it thus far. Looking back I'd have to say I have benefited a whole lot more than I've suffered though.
 
Joan and I are in our 60's, and definitely in the stage of growing old together. We are both Cancer survivors (both cases were difficult), and are now trading heart attacks, etc. Fortytwo years together and no fights yet.....probably because she was totally into supporting my :D fight against crime and/or evil doers. I could come home (and did) say "Honey, I had to help clean up four beheadings" and she'd say "That's nice dear. Stephanie came home with the flu....Steven got a suspension for another fight....Your dinner's ready".... AT ELEVEN O'Clock at night!!!! After eleven, I was on my own until the next morning.
 
Wife #1 - 1.5 years
Wife #2 - 1 year (time I moved out and filed)

I don't know if I'll ever do it again. I don't know if I'm hardwired for it. I would LIKE to think that I am, and could, have a long term relationship that'd last. But I'm getting old and am not looking for miracles at this point. If it happens, I'll be very happy and surprised.

Alan
 
Never married and coming up on 40(Nov. 20, in case anyone wants to get me a present:D ) My parents were married and divorced about 5 times each and both finally gave up. I presently live with two women in their 30's and they don't exactly restore my faith in women. Oh the drama!!! Oh well, it's never boring. :eek:
 
tedwca said:
Never married and coming up on 40(Nov. 20, in case anyone wants to get me a present:D ) My parents were married and divorced about 5 times each and both finally gave up. I presently live with two women in their 30's and they don't exactly restore my faith in women. Oh the drama!!! Oh well, it's never boring. :eek:
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Turning 40 on November 20th? Why you young upstart, I turn 48 on........you guessed it.........November 20th. Tried getting congress to declare a national holiday, but they just said I was full of beans. ;) :D

Sarge
 
Been together for ten years now and live together since June. Still adjusting, but it isn't as bad as I thought. After seeing my brother's marriage derail and the pain it caused everybody I never wanted to be in that kind of hurt. Chicken? Yes.
 
I wouldn't trade her in for the world. She makes me WANT to be a better man, but she asks nothing more of me than for me to love her with all my heart.
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'Casionally, Jake, you wax right poetic. That's beautiful, man. :)

John
 
Spectre said:
'Casionally, Jake, you wax right poetic. That's beautiful, man. :)

John
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Thanks, John:) That really means a lot coming from you. IMHO, I'm no poet in the least. While it comes from the heart....it also comes from the doghouse. Sometimes, "I'm sorry" isn't enough.;)

I kid, of course. Probably the most profound effect my wife has had on me in all of our years together is to expose my softer side. Left to my own devices, I think i would honestly be a pretty cold tough-skinned distant monster. She is the sunshine that drives that part of me away...thank God. In all honesty, she's not my better half. She's my better three-quarters;)

Jake
 
Steely_Gunz said:
Thanks, John:)Probably the most profound effect my wife has had on me in all of our years together is to expose my softer side. Left to my own devices, I think i would honestly be a pretty cold tough-skinned distant monster. She is the sunshine that drives that part of me away...thank God. In all honesty, she's not my better half. She's my better three-quarters;)

Jake
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Steely,

If I could find someone like that... I'd take another shot at marriage :)
 
People can change some things about themselves, but other things they can't, or won't, and it ain't fair to expect 'em to.
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Good advice.

I would add that conversely people can change a lot as they mature---you can find yourself with little or nothing in common with your mate. That can be harder to overcome than accepting their "shortcomings".
 
I'm almost forty years old now, been married to the same beautiful lady for 19years.We have 4 great kids together. We are in this for life, no doubt about it.

I think our success comes from faith, commitment and tenacity. Faith in God, faith in each other, faith that there is a silver lining to every cloud. Commitment to make it work, to each other, to the kids. Tenacity of a pit bull to keep the faith and the commitment going and alive.

We haven't lived a charmed life, there have been many trials along the way. We can both have explosive tempers, and we are both pig headed. But we hang on thru the thick and the thin, the joys and the sorrows. There is great comfort in knowing someone has got your back, is there to help you up when life gets you down (or when your own foolishness drives you down).

If you try and change the other person, you both will be miserable;learn to accept the other person for who they are. Once I did this our marriage improved immeasurably.
 
If you try and change the other person, you both will be miserable;learn to accept the other person for who they are. Once I did this our marriage improved immeasurably.
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I hope all you guys who haven't married yet are taking notes in this thread...some VERY good advice that can save much pain and agony.
 
married 2 years, or is that 3?

known her for 5 years before that.

we couldn't be more polar opposites.

she's a meddling tyrant, i'm a staunch individualist
she's a pinko card carrying liberal communist, i'm a name calling conservative
i'm a christian, she's anti-religious
i'm near ADD, she has OCD
i'm overly dramatic, she forgets problems
i leap where angels fear to tread, she's ultra cautious and meticulous

don't even get me started on our interests.

and yet, i couldn't imagine life without her and in our 8 years (or is that 7?) we have never raised our voices to eachother.

just goes to show you that opposites attract.
 
gravertom said:
18 years and 5 kids later, we love each other more than ever!

Every year has been better than the others. She has been my best friend for more than 18 years.

We have had hard times, and sorrows. We communicate, and have much of God's grace. We have needed it.

We have known the "days of heaven upon the earth."

My wife was at a get together for home school moms the other nite. She told me that they went around the circle, answering those "get to know you' questions. When my wife answered the one about what she does to relax, she said " I spend time with my husband..."

:)

Tom
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Tom, you are truly blessed. That is a wonderful story.

I am on wife number 4. I changed one and two every 7 years in my formative years, wife number 3 was my soul mate and died in 1994. I still miss her. Wife number 4 is a wonderful woman and I am her her first husband, and I hope she will be my last. She is very good to me.
 
Been together 25 years, married for 22. I met her one month after I broke up with my first girlfriend when I was 25. I was alone until I was 24, and in fact the girl I met then was my first girlfriend. She was 28, a small time designer with many contacts, very beautiful and had all the men she wanted, which I finally could not accept. Her apartment was stocked with nice things: a stereo from Paul, an end table from Larry, an expensive vase from Steve, and then expensive prints from some fish named Norm, who was also paying most of her utility bills on his mammoth 14K a year salary. Sigh. The things we do for "love!" (Larry ended up later actually buying her a house.)

Before that for the years when I was alone through high school and into my 20's, I quickly figured out what women valued, and I figured if I had to shell out money for dinner and a car and a nice apartment to get attention I might as well be intellectually honest about it and cut to the chase, call a cab and pay a visit to a working girl, which frankly is what I did for many years. I saw one girl for at least 5 years, and probably paid for a damned nice car for her. Unapologetic about it now, and no sympathy asked or wanted. I just wasn't wired to play the game.

I lived alone with ocassional temp roomates from the time I moved out after high school until then, and with no car and little money had nothing that anyone wanted. The one thing I'll give my wife is that she accepted me when I had nothing and was working in a gas station at 25, so I knew if she was interested in me at the time it wasn't about dollars.

<a whole bunch snipped>

We tolerate each other, is what I can say, and have both helped and endured each other at the same time, and it gets us through the day and pays the bills. Thank God for the kids and the dogs. I am both jealous and admittedly childishly resentful at times of men who have beautiful (to them) passionate women that they can really talk to, who share their interests.

There's always the next incarnation though, and I have my hopes pinned on that. ;) Just my luck I'll come back as a sea-slug or something. (-:

Norm
 
You know, I think- and this only happens sometimes, I believe- that it may be possible to see someone, the real someone, and to find them beautiful, no matter what they look like.

I have pictures of my 2nd girlfriend somewhere. You know, she looks unremarkable, perhaps almost plain, in the pictures. I remember how beautiful she was, how amazing, how frightening.

The world is filled with people, and may we love them all, but no two loves are alike. I was just thinking last night about how valuable a really good friend is, and knew that I have this incredible store of friends, each of which anyone would be pleased to have *just* that friend in their life. I am so fortunate!

I digress. True love starts inside yourself, and moves outward.

John
 
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