My back to Bladeforums and 2k posts Giveaway

HikingMano

HikingMano

Joined
Sep 2, 2008
Messages
7,702
How's everyone been!? :D

I've been studying for an exam these past few months. This past month, I had my GF change my password to my bladeforums account in an effort to eliminate distractions. It's all too easy to come home after a long day of work and surf bladeforums instead of study...:o So I've been missing out on a ton here, it's nice to be back :).

Just took my exam today, will get the results in a month. I don't think I was as prepared as I would have liked to have been, and parts of it turned out to be more difficult than what I had encountered in practice tests...but can't do anything about it now. So to celebrate my >2K posts and getting done with this damn test (man, I hope I don't have to retake it), here's a Giveaway!! :D

The prize: Vic Rucksack, GoingGear Firecap Firesteel, and a Josh K fob.

IMG_4587.jpg




The contest:

I was going to do a "post a pic of your favorite summer activity" sort of thing, but maybe we'll go with something a little more fun:

Tell us your best joke!

I'll leave this open until Monday or Tuesday. After that, I'll let W&SS vote for their favorite; the member whose joke gets the most votes wins the prize :). And yeah, let's try to not offend anyone in the process.


Sound good? If no one likes it, we can always do the "post a pic" and random pick thing... :D
 
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A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt."
"That's when I made my big mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

"I don't remember much after that!"
 

What's the difference between a Corvette and 2 dead hookers?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage!
 
Welcome back buddy !!!

Here is my effort....

The bear who walks into a bar:


This bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer.

The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.

The bear says, "What do I owe you?"

The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.

"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn't been in many bars."

So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."

The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.

After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.

"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."

The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."
 
An old man and his wife are in the doctor's office exam room, and the nurse comes in and tells the old man he needs to give a stool sample, a urine sample and a blood sample.

The old man who is hard of hearing says, "what"?

The nurse repeats her request. She wants a stool sample, a urine sample and a blood sample.

Again, the deaf old man says, "what"?

Finally, the old man's wife turns to him and says, "Honey, GIVE HER YOUR UNDERWEAR."

:thumbup:
 
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
 
Hey bro! Its good to have ya back! :thumbup:

I hope you got some time to relax over the last few months and it wasn't all work for you! Great give away bro.



A hunter takes his rifle and heads out bear hunting. He comes across a small black bear and raises his rifle. Just as he's about to take the shot, he feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to see a very large black bear. The Bear says, 'hey budy, you got two choices; get mauled to death or bend over and take it like Mama bear. :eek:
Well after not being able to sit down for a week, the hunter went back out with his rifle looking for some pay back. Just as he gets the large black bear in his sights, he gets another tap on his shoulder. This time he turns to see a large Brown bear smiling. The Brown bear gives him the same choice and the hunter lives to see another day.
Fueled with rage from being abused by 2 bears he heads out again looking for revenge. Shortly after he finds the brown bear. As he raises his gun, yup another tap on his shoulder. This time he turns to find the biggest damn Grizzly he ever seen:eek: The large Grizzly smiles and says; "ADMIT IT BUDDY, YOU DON'T COME HERE FOR THE HUNTING;)!"
 
A priest, a Rabbi, and and average guy were out fishing on the lake. Suddenly the priest jumps up ans says I need to use the bathroom. So he jumps out of the boat and walks from the middle of the lake to the shore. he comes back, and then a few minutes later, the rabbi does the same thing. He comes back and the average guy says "you guys are amazing" They say "nonsense, its easy" So this average guy decides he needs to use the bathroom. He jumps out of the boat and sinks like a stone. The rabbi says to the priest, "do you think we should have told him were the rocks were?"
 
What's the best and worst thing your wife can say to you??



"At least you have a bigger d!ck than your brother"
 
Hey, good to see you back!

Nice giveaway too, that firesteel is awesome! I've made those myself, I'm glad to see someone is finally making and selling them!!!

I'll have to try and come up with something that isn't too racist or sexist, that disqualifies about 90% of all good jokes.
 
A man walks into a bank and yells 'This is a hold up - everyone face down on the floor and don't look at me!"

He proceeds to load the money in a duffle bag - and as he is heading to the exit and his get away car says "Did anyone see me?"

One man, who cannot lie, says "Yes."

He is immediately killed - point blank by the robber.

The robber reloads his shotgun and says "Did anyone else see me?"

After a second or so an elderly man pipes up from his position on the floor;

"I think my wife got a good look at you!"

TF
 
pitdog said:
Welcome back buddy !!!
Click to expand...

Thanks Pit! How're TT and Maisy doin?

Marion David Poff said:
Great giveaway.

No joke from me, my favourite ones are not PG.

M
Click to expand...

MDP - Non-PG is ok! I just don't want jokes that some might find personally offensive :thumbup:

tonym said:
Hey bro! Its good to have ya back! :thumbup:

I hope you got some time to relax over the last few months and it wasn't all work for you! Great give away bro.
Click to expand...

Thanks Tony! I tried to work some relaxation time in...maybe too much:o:D.

stingray4540 said:
Hey, good to see you back!

Nice giveaway too, that firesteel is awesome! I've made those myself, I'm glad to see someone is finally making and selling them!!!

I'll have to try and come up with something that isn't too racist or sexist, that disqualifies about 90% of all good jokes.
Click to expand...

Thanks Stingray :thumbup: Those capsule firesteels are great, really a nice idea; I need to check out the ones you made. Hey, I'm thinking a hike is in order, what do you say to one of these upcoming weekends? Maybe we can set something up with Boomer and Mike. And I know what you mean about the 90%...maybe I should start a joke thread in the Cove... :)


Andrew Colglazier said:
I just want to say "Howdy and welcome back!"

Andy
Click to expand...

Thanks Andy! :) How are things goin with you?



Good stuff so far guys, keep em comin! :thumbup:
 
a blonde walks into a library and goes up to the librarian and says "I WOULD LIKE A CHEESE BURGER PLEASE"

the librarian says excuse me miss but this is a library
the blonde says "oh sorry" and whispers "i would like a cheese burger please"
 
Hmmm if non pg is ok...um...nvm might be a bit disturbing...how about...there are 2 tomatoes in a refrigerator. One turns to the other and says...Man its cold in here. The other tomato turns to him and says "OMG A TALKING TOMATO!!!"

If we arent disturbed then...What is worse then having sex with your sister? Answer: When the crib breaks!!!
 
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