On another site, I posted some humorous gear advice for the hypothetical end of the world for some of my less prepared friends. The Beckerheads may get a chuckle or two out of this.
End of the World Gear List
Item One: Big Knife
This is the primary tool of the survivor. A big knife can do every task you could possibly need to do in a survival situation, such as prepare wood for fires, sharpen pointed sticks, skin animals, scalp your enemies, make cordage from plant fibers, drive nails, carve traps, pry open doors, cut open coconuts, cut non-coconut food items, split wood, print counterfeit US currency, carve wooden spoons, and divide by zero.
A big knife is also a formidable close quarters weapon to well trained survivor. And if you're not well trained, it doesn't matter, just wave around your big knife and no one will dare challenge you.
Don't lose your Big Knife.
Item Two: Good Socks
When vehicles no longer run and roads are impassable you'll be doing a lot of walking, and you must take care of your feet. Good socks will prevent blisters and good sock discipline will prevent foot disease.
Your socks should be durable and moisture wicking. Avoid cotton and get socks made of synthetic material, or better yet, wool. You will need two pairs. One pair to be worn during the day while walking. The other pair must be kept dry at all cost. This pair is worn while you sleep to dry out your feet.
Dirty socks should also be used to filter your drinking water.
Item Three: Wool Blanket
Remember, light weight. In the end of the world, you can't be carrying around a bunch of sleeping bags, tents, jackets, or extra clothes. You need a wool blanket. Shelter can be provided by whatever building happen to be left or built using your big knife. Then, with the aid of a fire, the wool blanket will keep you warm.
Instead of carrying a coat, wear the wool blanket as a cloak. Multi-use. Multi-use items are essential.
Also, don't bother with a backpack. That's just unnecessary weight. Wrap all of your gear, supplies, and food* in the blanket, roll it up, and tie it with your grappling hook rope. Multi-Use.
( *food should be nutrient dense and balanced. Carry food from both coconut and non-coconut sources.)
Item Four: Firearm
This is your primary defensive weapon, the one item that will defend your life against zombies, meteorites, and anyone generally less prepared than you who wants to steal your gear.
Don't get one of those silly "assault rifles". They're not particularly more powerful than any other rifle anyway, and actually shoot a small, rather puny bullet. In fact, don't get a long gun at all. Remember, light weight. Go with a handgun. And not one of those evil "automatic pistols". They will corrupt you, and turn you to the dark side. Furthermore, pistols rely on a detachable magazine to function, and magazines can be lost, especially while the world is ending.
A revolver is a self contained system with no loose pieces to keep track of. Revolvers may have less capacity than pistols, but you don't need that many rounds any way. If you expect to survive very long at the end of the world, you better be a good enough shot to hit your enemy the first time. In fact, only load one chamber, that's all you'll ever need.
Item Five: Ammunition
This is the final piece of essential gear for the end of the world. Without ammo, your firearm is useless. Your other gear should be lightweight to allow you to carry plenty of ammo. Any free space in you pack, any unfilled pockets, and any bodily orfice not currently in use should be filled with ammunition. You cannot have too much ammo.
Aside from defense, ammunition will be more valuable than gold during the end of the world. When paper currency is long gone, ammunition will still have value for trade.
However, don't actually barter away any of your ammo. If you do, the person you gave it to might shoot you with it.
Don't shoot it either. Then you won't have anything of value for barter. Just hoard it.
(You may be wondering why the gear list does not include any kind of fire starter. That's because it's unnecessary. When you want a fire, just find a piece of flint and use it to strike sparks from the spine of your big knife. The flint also has another purpose. If you were to somehow lose your big knife, the flint can be knapped to make a sharp edge, which you could then use to slit your throat, because if you lose your big knife, all hope is gone and you might as well end it quickly.)
