The "Help, I have a crappy knife" Poll

[Hackenslash]

Ok folks, here we go. It's time to vote for the crappiest knife out of a stellar group of crap from https://www.bladeforums.com/threads/the-help-i-have-a-crappy-knife-contest.1597614/.

You have one vote each, so make it count. We'll leave the polling open for a week and then declare a winner of the $50 BladeHQ eGift card. Good Luck!

Now, a little housekeeping. You can quit reading here if you hate boring, nerdy stuff.

We had a total of 16 valid entries. Unfortunately, polling options only allow for 10 choices. That's my bad; I should have ended the contest when we had 10 valid entries. Rather than create a two-step polling process, I decided to randomly eliminate 6 entries. I assigned a number from 1 to 16 to each entry, based on the order of posting. Then I used a 1-16 random number generator and kicked out the first 6 unique outcomes. I'm sorry to have to do this but don't give up. If you didn't make the final cut, we'll do this again in a month or so and you can re-enter the fray at that time!

So, Honorable Mention to:
Ten_Mile_Knives and the "Bokepacker" (Post #5)
TheEdge01 and the "Bad Uncle Henry" (Post #11)
ponykid and the "Battered Box Cutter" (Post #13)
Night Rider and the "Blue Steel" (Post #67)
Jupiter Paladin and the "Short Circuit Butter Knife (Post #91)
Needler420 and their "Zombear Slayer" (Post #98)

Now, on to the voting and may the crappiest knife win!

 

[Hackenslash]

Direct links to the entries...

1. Bad Uncle Henry
2. Hay Stack Reject
3. Shambling Shuffle
4. Rattle-Boker
5. Elvish Rune Blade
6. Beat Down Buck
7. Flock of Jaguars
8. Handi-Capable Cane
9. Pakistan Strikes Back
10. Zombear Killer

 

[Hackenslash]

And...I've already screwed it up. Somehow I included Todd21969 "Pakistan Strikes Back" as an entry when he clearly stated "not an entry" on the post. Sorry. I can't edit the poll choices and include a different entry.

 

[Hickory n steel]

I didn't think I was actually entered as I don't consider myself lacking in blades of quality I'm happy with , but if I was to win my dad could sure use a quality multitool.

It wasn't easy to make my vote as I'm not sure anyone without a quality blade entered, but I went for someone who also would use it towards someone else in need.

 

[Pilsner]

Voted. Hackenslash , when the winner has been chosen, PM me the best way to make my pledged contribution.

 

[Todd21969]

And...I've already screwed it up. Somehow I included Todd21969 "Pakistan Strikes Back" as an entry when he clearly stated "not an entry" on the post. Sorry. I can't edit the poll choices and include a different entry.

Your link to post 80 now simply states "do not vote for this post"

 

[Pilsner]

Your link to post 80 now simply states "do not vote for this post"

I hope it was you who changed it!

 

[Todd21969]

Yep. I could quote someone elses crappy knife in its place.

 

[Pilsner]

Yep. I could quote someone elses crappy knife in its place.

Careful now...

 

[Todd21969]

Be simple for me to add someone of Hackenslash's chosing. And clearly state who's knife it is, and who the vote is for.

 

[PWatkins]

Direct links to the entries...

1. Bad Uncle Henry
2. Hay Stack Reject
3. Shambling Shuffle
4. Rattle-Boker
5. Elvish Rune Blade
6. Beat Down Buck
7. Flock of Jaguars
8. Handi-Capable Cane
9. Pakistan Strikes Back
10. Zombear Killer

Oh man I love the names! That's frickin hilarious! If I had an engraver, "Hay Stack Reject" would be on that little blue knife tonight. Love it.

 

[lieferung]

T Todd21969 looks like 4 people took your edit as a challenge

I totally voted for the cane butter knife, that thing looks hilariously unergonomic and impractical

 

[Golden Goal]

I would have gone for the doorknob cane-tipper but comedy from J jaseman in combination with the grease-gum grip on the black jaguar and the inability to close on the silver jaguar really had me going

 

[Nathan Temple]

Haha, those names are awesome!

 

[jaseman]

Ok, first things first, those names are hilarious! Well done Hackenslash , well done indeed.

Since I can't vote for myself (well, I could, but where's the fun in that), I picked one of the others at pseudo-random, by reading tea leaves and chicken bones, while smoking banana leaves through a dirty hooka, and drinking cheap tequila with a Scandinavian prostitute on her lunch break.

So I voted for @Grease and his can-knife thingy... I mean, come on, it's a butter-knife - attached to a doorknob! It doesn't get much better than that!

I don't have the vast collection some others here do. Nor a $200+ knife. But I'm lucky enough to at least have a Manix 2...so, if I do happen to win, I promise two things:
1 - I'll put a poll up, and let BF members decide the fate of the purchase (could be interesting)
2 - As long as there are funds available, I'll gift the remainder to another BF member (maybe another contest?)

 

[ChazzyP]

I had no votes, so I voted for myself, Hackenslash , just to see how the ballots were falling. I've gone back and changed to my to-be-unnamed favorite and will now watch the votes tally up expectantly. I'm actually hoping to get shut out and win the consolation prize for Least Crappy Knife. I do carry the Beat Down Buck more than any other as my second-carry work beater and use it for all sorts of miserable tasks. It's not really a crappy knife anyway--just a good ole Buck that's had a very hard life and has served me well.

These two have logged a lotta time in opposite pockets and in hand as my most carried work users.

This thread's a lotta fun, brother. Thanks for putting it all together.

 

[Nathan Temple]

I have to say, I was very torn between the jaguars and the doorknob thing.

 

[dkb45]

I was torn between the Rune Blade and the Jaguars, both are exceptionally crappy knives, but ultimately I voted for the Rube Blade. The blade being self dulling really sold me, it doesn't get much worse than a knife that actively stops you from sharpening it, like a reverse CRKT Edgie. Many of the knives won't hold an edge, but none of the other entries specifically mention being self dulling.

 

[marcinek]

I didn't think I was actually entered as I don't consider myself lacking in blades of quality I'm happy with , but if I was to win my dad could sure use a quality multitool.

It wasn't easy to make my vote as I'm not sure anyone without a quality blade entered, but I went for someone who also would use it towards someone else in need.

For Scagels sakes do you want to be considered or not?!? You kvetched about the GAW when it opened, then you entered, now you are like "I didn't really enter, but my dad sure could use a new knife. I really don't think anybody qualified, so I voted for someone almost as deserving as me."

Sheesh. The whole point was to have some fun, laugh at ugly knives, give someone with a crappy knife some money for a not crappy one. It's not some Go Fund Me pitch. And how many knives have you been given already?!?

Crimoney. May the crappiest win and thanks the Hackenslash for his work and generosity. It was a classy thing to do.

 

[marcinek]

"Wife forcing you to finally by some new underwear" kinda thing. Not a "charity" thing. There are already plenty (you cant have too many) generous people giving away knives to other members who they feel needs one.