The knife disliking spouse...

[pbcg]

First thing that came to mind when I read your post is that's exactly what I used to think about how many pairs of shoes my wife had, "Waste of energy and money and bordering on psychosis".

I think a lot of it goes back to how the "uninformed" non knife enthusiasts generally perceive knives.

They see them as weapons only as that's what they are feed by the media and parts of society.

I've explained to many that a knife or cutting tool was very useful to my work and why I generally carried one but also what makes me a hobbyist is I can appreciate the beauty, science, and history of knives and to that end find them interesting, enjoyable and collectable. A hobby like any other.

If she is perceiving you as some how dangerous or unstable because you carry and use a pocket knife then maybe that's the issue that needs to be addressed.

Bottom line is in any relationship mutual respect and trust has to exist for it to work.

All I can say is best of luck.

 

[RemyKaze]

As people have said in other threads, find out what her hobbies are, what her pointless expenses are, whether it be shoes, make-up, jewelry, or some other thing that is HER interest. Then, compare price tags. Compare perspectives and try to get her to see that she cannot dictate what you like or buy any more than you can do for her.

If worse comes to worst and she won't back down, start doing the same when she needlessly spends money on her interests. It should make a lightbulb go on over her head, and if it doesn't, then you probably need some sort of counseling.

 

[Cereal_killer]

My wife embraces being the spouse of a knife-nut and I hate it! She steals all my best knives! OP you're lucky!

Seriously, in order to have good knives I have to buy plain looking ones in super steels (like my ZDP dragonfly, she stole my custom dfly) and things like that, boring handles with good steel cause she doesn't care about the steel (afterall I do all the maintainance). The only reason i got to keep my ladybug was because lionesser gave her a rainbow chive for her birthday.

 

[JTmisterknifeguy]

As people have said in other threads, find out what her hobbies are, what her pointless expenses are, whether it be shoes, make-up, jewelry, or some other thing that is HER interest. Then, compare price tags. Compare perspectives and try to get her to see that she cannot dictate what you like or buy any more than you can do for her.

If worse comes to worst and she won't back down, start doing the same when she needlessly spends money on her interests. It should make a lightbulb go on over her head, and if it doesn't, then you probably need some sort of counseling.

The problem with that is that she has NO "fun" expenses for herself, she is literally the most disciplined and self-denial oriented person I have ever known, everything she buys is due to a need or preparation for something. but the thought has crossed my mind.

 

[T. Erdelyi]

My wife knew I was like this 36 year's ago when we met, at this point is hopeless to think she could change me.

Besides, the few times we've needed some extra cash quick she's been glad I had a few to sell.

 

[JTmisterknifeguy]

First thing that came to mind when I read your post is that's exactly what I used to think about how many pairs of shoes my wife had, "Waste of energy and money and bordering on psychosis".

I think a lot of it goes back to how the "uninformed" non knife enthusiasts generally perceive knives.

They see them as weapons only as that's what they are feed by the media and parts of society.

I've explained to many that a knife or cutting tool was very useful to my work and why I generally carried one but also what makes me a hobbyist is I can appreciate the beauty, science, and history of knives and to that end find them interesting, enjoyable and collectable. A hobby like any other.

If she is perceiving you as some how dangerous or unstable because you carry and use a pocket knife then maybe that's the issue that needs to be addressed.

Bottom line is in any relationship mutual respect and trust has to exist for it to work.

All I can say is best of luck.

Thanks for your best wishes, and it has been something we've gone round and round about, how the "good guys" should always be "prepared" with a pocket knife for basic utility and SD, and a firearm if able to stop "bad guys". We just don't see eye to eye, but I don't budge in carrying my XL voyager or at least my Ontario Rat I, often retorting, "I have this because I can't carry my carbine to the store/downtown/church/work!" she just rolls her eyes and shakes her head. It's when I have a Kobun or Steel Tiger under my shirt that we go into the "you have issues" talk. :-/

 

[RemyKaze]

The problem with that is that she has NO "fun" expenses for herself, she is literally the most disciplined and self-denial oriented person I have ever known, everything she buys is due to a need or preparation for something. but the thought has crossed my mind.

That's wild. She has to have something she considers fun. Or an excess. Internet is an excess "want", so is television, unlimited service on a cell, or even certain foods. All kinds of wants that get filed into a "need" category somehow.

Anyhow it sounds like her issue is more with you carrying big knives, which is great for the woods but not so great for EDC in public areas. Shorter fixed blades and any length of folder that will fit in your pocket discreetly are more valid options around other people.

If you issue is one of SD, consider that a smaller knife doesn't need as much space to maneuver, and a 3" blade easily penetrates deeply enough for self defense purposes. If you have to defend yourself in some very, very rare instance, you're not gonna be Peter Coyote knife fighting some dude with a Randall, trading slashes. A 3" blade also happens to be a great size for most cutting tasks large or small.

 

[singularity35]

Id change the wife. I couldn't bd with sonebody who I just couldn't agree with in a fundamental principle like self defense. Should we just roll over and die if someone invades our house? I don't want sny discussions when that happens and I pick up my gun.

 

[Bob W]

My wife doesn't care what I do with my money. :thumbup:

But I'm not constantly bringing them to her attention either. I don't carry them in an obnoxious manner, use them for no reason indoors, or leave them laying about the house.

"Out of sight, out of mind."

 

[JTmisterknifeguy]

Thing is, she's grown up with a very anti-self defense and anti firearm mindset. There is little I can do to unindoctrinate her as far as what she's learned and heard. I knew his before I got involved with her, and for the most part she tolerates my fondness for cutlery, I just keep my Ruger and Marlin in the safe along with my versions of "safe queen" knives and not strapped to my hip.
Which I get to a point, she's a 4th year med student who has heard so much that pit bulls, pistols, and scary looking tactical knives are hazardous to own...?
I grew up in a "tactical" family getting machetes, buck knives and BB guns since I was 7.
We used a cold steel hand and a half to cut our wedding cake.
She just thinks it's ridiculous to spend money (and not 6.99 on a "made in China" at the gas station) on a new knife when I have +30 knives. To her knives, are SAKs on your keychain or in the knife block, or else what psychos or CIA agents use on victims...


I figured that the majority of guys on here are the "tough luck Honey!!!" crowd (no disrespect gentlemen), so I wasn't expecting a chorus of advice, but I like reading your responses.

That's wild. She has to have something she considers fun. Or an excess. Internet is an excess "want", so is television, unlimited service on a cell, or even certain foods. All kinds of wants that get filed into a "need" category somehow.

Anyhow it sounds like her issue is more with you carrying big knives, which is great for the woods but not so great for EDC in public areas. Shorter fixed blades and any length of folder that will fit in your pocket discreetly are more valid options around other people.

If you issue is one of SD, consider that a smaller knife doesn't need as much space to maneuver, and a 3" blade easily penetrates deeply enough for self defense purposes. If you have to defend yourself in some very, very rare instance, you're not gonna be Peter Coyote knife fighting some dude with a Randall, trading slashes. A 3" blade also happens to be a great size for most cutting tasks large or small.

That's great! Thanks!
I can even get away with my 5" voyager as long as I don't whip it out at random(wouldn't do that anyway!).

 

[theAntihero]

My GF loves knives, and even carries a pocket knife now.

 

[Alvaro Candanedo]

I always find this topic somewhat sad and amusing at the same time. Being an adult, it's always sad to see when another adult in this case a spouse "prohibits" any activity which the other spouse might find enjoyable. I'm not talking illegal, immoral, or anything regarding those lines. But simply carrying, collecting, and use of a knife. It's mostly unreasonable and considered a controlling behavior, which in and of itself a deeper issue.

So long as the bills are paid, food on the table, and other responsibilities are taken care of why would there be a problem? Again in my case, as an adult I don't need to ask anyone for permission or approval to put something I own in my pocket or on my belt. I don't think I could handle being in a relationship like that, being treated like a kid instead of like a man isn't cool. Buy what you want, carry what you want, you're a grown man. By the way, does she know you are on the computer?

Couldn't have said it better.

 

[ChrisB507]

Another vote for "out of sight, out of mind."

Knives are a hobby that doesn't take up much space or cost much money (relative to other things, I suppose). My wife thought it was a little weird at first, too. Of course, she knows I always have one on me and sees the benefits of an EDC. :thumbup:

If you're spending money that's needed for "real" things, not hobbies, or if knives are causing a financial strain or arguments with the significant other, that is a problem. You do need to re-prioritize. You only have two hands and really only need a few knives at the most.

 

[JTmisterknifeguy]

Another vote for "out of sight, out of mind."

Knives are a hobby that doesn't take up much space or cost much money (relative to other things, I suppose). My wife thought it was a little weird at first, too. Of course, she knows I always have one on me and sees the benefits of an EDC. :thumbup:

If you're spending money that's needed for "real" things, not hobbies, or if knives are causing a financial strain or arguments with the significant other, that is a problem. You do need to re-prioritize. You only have two hands and really only need a few knives at the most.

I agree whole heartedly!
It's more an issue of, "We're poor college students on a budget! Why do you need any more stupid knives anyway when they mostly sit in a drawer or safe along with your machetes and war clubs?!"
Which for her part I understand.
I eventually am going to have a knife making shop for a hobby, but that a few years down the road, and she thinks/says that she'd be cool with that and that we'll both have hobbies when the career machines start.
I have a rather unique situation in that I'm NOT the primary breadwinner, and never will be, my "disposable income" is spent on necessities or "date night" which doesn't happen often enough.
I'm not really complaining as much as I'm picking people's brains and gaging the population here on BF (I'm a Psych student after all!)

 

[jlhwan]

Just tell her, "Knive before wives"...before she proceeds to smack you.

 

[Sonnydaze]

My wife sees no reason I need more...but doesn't care if I buy more. I use my money, not the family money.

My deal also. We each have a monthly allowance...and blow it as we see fit. She still thinks I'm nuts about guns and knives...and she's right, and I think she's nuts about purses and home décor. WTH...she's a woman.
But she does like the little Spyderco key-ring knife I bought her, and she can handle her revolver, so I'm good with that.
I carry Glock and Sebbie; she carries one of her fancy purses. The way it is. No complaint.

 

[JTmisterknifeguy]

Just tell her, "Knive before wives"...before she proceeds to smack you.

Oooooh! Yeah-Not gonna do that!
She's as big and tall as I am, she was a fullback when she was in College. If she were to smack me, it 'd leave a MARK!
I'd get rid of every one of my knives for her, thankfully she thinks that's wouldn't be wise stating "you'd never get what they're worth!"
I like my blades, but I love my wife, I can always find and buy a new knife, finding a good wife is not an easy trick. but many of you already know that!

 

[fetzer85]

Hmm, my wife has never really cared what knife I'm carrying. There was a time when she thought I was spending too much money on knives and she was actually right. Later on we created a budget and so now we both have a set amount of spending money each week to use however we each see fit - buy knives, lottery tickets, fast food, underwear...whatever. Now it's all good and she knows when a knife shows up that it's how I chose to spend my money and our budget allows for it.

 

[loonybin]

I just think when one isn't "allowed" to do normal things there could be larger problems down the road if not addressed.

Depends whether it's the State or the wife not "allowing" him to carry...

I agree whole heartedly!
It's more an issue of, "We're poor college students on a budget! Why do you need any more stupid knives anyway when they mostly sit in a drawer or safe along with your machetes and war clubs?!"
Which for her part I understand.
I eventually am going to have a knife making shop for a hobby, but that a few years down the road, and she thinks/says that she'd be cool with that and that we'll both have hobbies when the career machines start.
I have a rather unique situation in that I'm NOT the primary breadwinner, and never will be, my "disposable income" is spent on necessities or "date night" which doesn't happen often enough.
I'm not really complaining as much as I'm picking people's brains and gaging the population here on BF (I'm a Psych student after all!)

Your wife has a very good point. You are amassing considerable debt with both of you in college (you've taken out a good bit of loans, I'm betting with her being a med student), and luxuries need to be just that -- luxuries. And let's face it: collecting knives is a luxury; frankly, it's one you may not be able to afford at this point in time. If you can't pay all of your bills each month, then you have no business buying knives. Let's face it: you really only need one pistol for SD, and one knife for edc/utility/emergency use. If you hunt, then a hunting firearm could be added to the need... if hunting will actually help cut the cost of your food budget.

Have the two of you sat down and made a family budget? You need to. After budgeting for savings/retirement, bills, necessities, make sure to put in that budget a little bit of "personal" money for each of you (Dave Ramsey calls it "blow money" that you an blow on anything you want), even if it's only $5 or $10/mo. That "personal" money is yours/hers to do with as you want. You want a new knife? Save up your personal money and buy it -- in cash. No credit cards. Sell one of your others to get the money faster if you think you can't wait to save up for it. If she chooses to spend her "personal" money on lunches, or something more practical, that's her business and should have no effect on what you spend yours on... unless it's needed to pay a bill or something of that nature.

 

[RussMo]

My wife knew I was like this 36 year's ago when we met, at this point is hopeless to think she could change me.

Besides, the few times we've needed some extra cash quick she's been glad I had a few to sell.

Well said Brother!!! 1st off, Congrats on the 36 years. My wife and I will hit 30 years Sept-2014 and the very day I met her I told her what I wanted, what I was going to do and that is the way it is. Well going on 30 years later I have my dreams.

You have to have limits on things but you also have to set your priorities. Like has been mentioned at this stage in the game, your just going to have to pay attention to her expenditures. If you have a job and she has a job, bills are paid and food on the table then state your case pure and simple. You deserve to be happy in life and that's all there is to it.

*** I knew I should have read to whole thread. COLLEGE, well that puts another light on the subject. You have already set your priority and if school is it well deal with school and enjoy your pocket knife.