The knife disliking spouse...

I don't think I can be considered as a knife addict/nuts, but for my wife a knife is a weapon then carrying one if weird "per nature" :)
However after some discussion and explanations and after she has look at how I use knife for she just accept it.
She doesn't like it but accept it, and I thank her for that.


I like the comparison with the number of shoes... ;)
 
Have you thought about divorcing the knife issues from the gun issues? In your previous posts you said that you have gone around about both. Knifes are a tools. I admire the craftsmanship and metallurgy. As for SD not so much.

Maybe carry a smaller knife and stop forcing the issue? As you know "values" based arguments are hard to solve. Best to avoid the conflict. BTW she is right about budget and buying knifes at this point in your lives.
 
JTmisterknifeguy said:
Thing is, she's grown up with a very anti-self defense and anti firearm mindset. There is little I can do to unindoctrinate her as far as what she's learned and heard. I knew his before I got involved with her, and for the most part she tolerates my fondness for cutlery, I just keep my Ruger and Marlin in the safe along with my versions of "safe queen" knives and not strapped to my hip.
Which I get to a point, she's a 4th year med student who has heard so much that pit bulls, pistols, and scary looking tactical knives are hazardous to own...?
I grew up in a "tactical" family getting machetes, buck knives and BB guns since I was 7.
We used a cold steel hand and a half to cut our wedding cake.
She just thinks it's ridiculous to spend money (and not 6.99 on a "made in China" at the gas station) on a new knife when I have +30 knives. To her knives, are SAKs on your keychain or in the knife block, or else what psychos or CIA agents use on victims...


I figured that the majority of guys on here are the "tough luck Honey!!!" crowd (no disrespect gentlemen), so I wasn't expecting a chorus of advice, but I like reading your responses. :)
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I'm a healthcare professional and work in a hospital. I know a lot of younger women in the hospital who have the same outlook as your wife. I have been talking to a resident who won't let her husband buy a gun because it freaks her out. So many young people are being raised in anti-gun and weapons homes. Can't help but think this might get worse when you have children. Best thing you could do is talk her into going to gun range with you on a date night. Maybe familiarity will help ease some of her fears. Good luck!
 
Barabus said:
Have you thought about divorcing the knife issues from the gun issues? In your previous posts you said that you have gone around about both. Knifes are a tools. I admire the craftsmanship and metallurgy. As for SD not so much.

Maybe carry a smaller knife and stop forcing the issue? As you know "values" based arguments are hard to solve. Best to avoid the conflict. BTW she is right about budget and buying knifes at this point in your lives.
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She is 102% right about buying any more blades at this season in our lives, and I agree with her on it. She just thinks my "preparedness mindset" (i.e. Solving an emergency with a knife or fending off a violent individual with a blade)is altogether ridiculous.
 
mrynecy said:
I'm a healthcare professional and work in a hospital. I know a lot of younger women in the hospital who have the same outlook as your wife. I have been talking to a resident who won't let her husband buy a gun because it freaks her out. So many young people are being raised in anti-gun and weapons homes. Can't help but think this might get worse when you have children. Best thing you could do is talk her into going to gun range with you on a date night. Maybe familiarity will help ease some of her fears. Good luck!
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Who knows what the future holds! :) and we just welcomed our first into the family 2 mo ago. Maybe I can tap into that mother bear protect-our-young-at-any-cost instinct rather than be fighting it the whole time?
 
JTmisterknifeguy said:
She just thinks my "preparedness mindset" (i.e. Solving an emergency with a knife or fending off a violent individual with a blade)is altogether ridiculous.
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Well, there are two different issues: solving an emergency with a knife is realistic (cutting a seatbelt after a crash, cutting clothes away from a trauma wound, etc.), but fending off a violent individual with a knife is not that realistic, IMO. If your situational awareness is so good that you can see it coming and get your knife into play (assuming you have not trained a lot for defending with a knife), then it's good enough for you to avoid the situation altogether. If someone gets the jump on you and you need your knife, then you're too late, especially if you haven't had training.
 
LOL I've only had three, wives that is. :) Some require a break in period. :D
[video=youtube;RkLxp9CwyUQ]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkLxp9CwyUQ[/video]
 
I don't understand the "she tolerates me..." mindset at all. I do understand the whole sticking to a budget and playing fair thing though. I do not understand at all the no guns, no self defense weapons in my house type wife. I couldn't live with a woman who was that disrespectful of me and my values and decisions. I'd also see it as a sign of a not so healthy mind no matter how great she manages her lives, jobs and grades. To not accept the idea that one is responsible for their own defense is not natural or healthy. In being that controlling of a partner shows a fundamental lack of respect for that partner and odds are against such a relationship surviving the long haul are very slim. Respect is necessary for the relationship and a lack of it means it's no more than a temporary thing "until something better comes along". Having children does not change that or mean anything in this day and age of no fault divorces.

Another issue that would bother me would be the whole thought process on self defense might make her say something that could cause you huge problems in the event of any real bonafide justifiable deadly force encounter you are involved in. Don't think the police and DA have your best interests at the top of their list. Not picking on cops, and have been one but we should all be aware of situations we have seen where pressure of one kind or another caused charges to be filed when they shouldn't have. Imagine having your own spouse stating that she didn't believe in self defense and that you could have handled the situation differently. Bad position to be in for everyone there.

Good luck and congratulations on your first born. :) Hopefully you will have more!

Joe
 
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The Mastiff said:
I don't understand the "she tolerates me..." mindset at all. I do understand the whole sticking to a budget and playing fair thing though. I do not understand at all the no guns, no self defense weapons in my house type wife. I couldn't live with a woman who was that disrespectful of me and my values and decisions. I'd also see it as a sign of a not so healthy mind no matter how great she manages her lives, jobs and grades. To not accept the idea that one is responsible for their own defense is not natural or healthy. In being that controlling of a partner shows a fundamental lack of respect for that partner and odds are against such a relationship surviving the long haul are very slim. Respect is necessary for the relationship and a lack of it means it's no more than a temporary thing "until something better comes along". Having children does not change that or mean anything in this day and age of no fault divorces.

Good luck and congratulations on your first born. :) Hopefully you will have more!

Joe
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Best post in this thread so far. :thumbup:
 
If you ask her to help you select a xmas present for you're new GF, I guarantee her knife phobia will disappear. ;):thumbup:
 
Knife phobia? Sounds like she has a scared of her own shadow phobia. It also never ceases to amaze me, how people think knives in a knife block with long pointed fixed blades are harmless. All she has to do is watch "Wives with Knives" to realize those are used in most in the home stabbings. I think people do realize that fact, they just ignore it purposely because they can't get around having to have and use kitchen knives. Once I was at a church and opened a medium sized knife (it didn't even lock) The old lady beside me, looked and exclaimed that's a lethal knife! A arm's reach away was a entire rack of all sized kitchen knives, that I can assure you I'd have picked any one of to defend myself with over my little slip joint.

This shows a cheap folder but mostly it's kitchen knives and shows pretty clearly, it's the person not the object you have to be wary of.

[video=youtube;EfL3E2NIL_4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfL3E2NIL_4[/video]
 
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Here's one with a big bad kitchen knife.

[video=youtube;WHz-5s2mGbg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHz-5s2mGbg[/video]
 
I was talking to a woman that is very anti anything that could possibly cause harm, be it knives, guns or dogs with big teeth. So, I asked her if someone was attacking her with deadly intent, would she take a weapon and defend herself? She had to admit after thinking a bit, she would. She wouldn't carry, or even have a gun in her home, yet if she was in the process of being killed and a gun was just suddenly handed to her she would indeed use it to save her life. I think that includes nearly everyone if they answer honestly, no matter how anti weapon they are.
 
jill jackson said:
I was talking to a woman that is very anti anything that could possibly cause harm, be it knives, guns or dogs with big teeth. So, I asked her if someone was attacking he
r with deadly intent, would she take a weapon and defend herself? She had to admit after thinking a bit, she would. She wouldn't carry, or even have a gun in her home, yet if she was in the process of being killed and a gun was just suddenly handed to her she would indeed use it to save her life. I think that includes nearly everyone if they answer honestly, no matter how anti weapon they are.
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There was this woman in C** who replied to the same question with "they'll just have to kill me", but that probably was a lie. :)
 
It is tough in a relationship where one person has a hobby or interest that costs a fair amount of money, that the other person either doesn't enjoy or doesn't understand. The somewhat selfish tendency (which I have experienced myself) is to resent the fact that the money was spent on the other person's interests and not one's own.

In my case, my wife was into horses before I married her and after we got married I was both putting her through college as well as paying for her horse hobby, which is NOT cheap. It's also something I could never be involved in due to various allergies. But it was important to her and she loved doing it, so since I loved her I never made it a big deal, as long as we could afford our other bills. After all, what's the point of life if you never get to do things you enjoy doing?

So far she has never really said anything positive or negative about my recent foray into pocket knives. She knows it's something I am into and enjoy, and she still gets to spend money on things she's interested in without me griping at her, so it works out well for us both.

The main issue to discuss is to make sure that your basic needs for immediate expenses, intermediate savings (like for a first house), and long-term savings (like for kids college or your retirement) are being met, and only then can you spend on the fun-to-do things. On a tight budget some resentment can come up if say you only have $100 left over each month for fun stuff and that has to be split up between your stuff, her stuff, and both of you stuff. She may feel that she is sacrificing her fun stuff to fund the both-of-you stuff, but you spend more on just-you stuff.

Nothing worse than to scrimp and save and deny yourself something for months until it looks like you're finally going to be able to spend that $100 dollars on something, just to find out your significant other just blew $200 on something else without even asking about it first. So the key thing is to talk about it in advance and agree on the spending levels. That will make things much smoother.
 
The Mastiff said:
I don't understand the "she tolerates me..." mindset at all. I do understand the whole sticking to a budget and playing fair thing though. I do not understand at all the no guns, no self defense weapons in my house type wife. I couldn't live with a woman who was that disrespectful of me and my values and decisions. I'd also see it as a sign of a not so healthy mind no matter how great she manages her lives, jobs and grades. To not accept the idea that one is responsible for their own defense is not natural or healthy. In being that controlling of a partner shows a fundamental lack of respect for that partner and odds are against such a relationship surviving the long haul are very slim. Respect is necessary for the relationship and a lack of it means it's no more than a temporary thing "until something better comes along". Having children does not change that or mean anything in this day and age of no fault divorces.

Another issue that would bother me would be the whole thought process on self defense might make her say something that could cause you huge problems in the event of any real bonafide justifiable deadly force encounter you are involved in. Don't think the police and DA have your best interests at the top of their list. Not picking on cops, and have been one but we should all be aware of situations we have seen where pressure of one kind or another caused charges to be filed when they shouldn't have. Imagine having your own spouse stating that she didn't believe in self defense and that you could have handled the situation differently. Bad position to be in for everyone there.

Good luck and congratulations on your first born. :) Hopefully you will have more!

Joe
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Believe me bud, if her negative qualities (not liking or understanding knife collecting/firearm ownership), outweighed her positive qualities(too freaken many to list!), I never would have had that second date. And her views don't dictate whether I carry my edc and tactical knives, or own my firearms. I firmly believe that as the man of my house it falls to me to protect my loved ones from violence and to face any danger as prepared as I can be. And if the chips are ever down (God forbid!) and I have to use lethal force to protect my wife and little one, I'm willing to bet my life and freedom that I'll hear no objections. Unlike her, I have NO qualms (religious, moral, or otherwise) whatsoever about going after someone breaking or broken into my home (and her mindset itself has probably shifted now that she's a momma).

I appreciate the candidness and open honesty here that I've not found elsewhere. I'm glad that here is a community of people who understand blades and the admiration of them as well as the mindset that goes along with being a user of blades.
And thank you for your congratulations! :)
I'm hoping for more in the future as well.
JT
 
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