- Joined
- Nov 28, 2012
- Messages
- 8,803
It is tough in a relationship where one person has a hobby or interest that costs a fair amount of money, that the other person either doesn't enjoy or doesn't understand. The somewhat selfish tendency (which I have experienced myself) is to resent the fact that the money was spent on the other person's interests and not one's own.
In my case, my wife was into horses before I married her and after we got married I was both putting her through college as well as paying for her horse hobby, which is NOT cheap. It's also something I could never be involved in due to various allergies. But it was important to her and she loved doing it, so since I loved her I never made it a big deal, as long as we could afford our other bills. After all, what's the point of life if you never get to do things you enjoy doing?
So far she has never really said anything positive or negative about my recent foray into pocket knives. She knows it's something I am into and enjoy, and she still gets to spend money on things she's interested in without me griping at her, so it works out well for us both.
The main issue to discuss is to make sure that your basic needs for immediate expenses, intermediate savings (like for a first house), and long-term savings (like for kids college or your retirement) are being met, and only then can you spend on the fun-to-do things. On a tight budget some resentment can come up if say you only have $100 left over each month for fun stuff and that has to be split up between your stuff, her stuff, and both of you stuff. She may feel that she is sacrificing her fun stuff to fund the both-of-you stuff, but you spend more on just-you stuff.
Nothing worse than to scrimp and save and deny yourself something for months until it looks like you're finally going to be able to spend that $100 dollars on something, just to find out your significant other just blew $200 on something else without even asking about it first. So the key thing is to talk about it in advance and agree on the spending levels. That will make things much smoother.
In my case, my wife was into horses before I married her and after we got married I was both putting her through college as well as paying for her horse hobby, which is NOT cheap. It's also something I could never be involved in due to various allergies. But it was important to her and she loved doing it, so since I loved her I never made it a big deal, as long as we could afford our other bills. After all, what's the point of life if you never get to do things you enjoy doing?
So far she has never really said anything positive or negative about my recent foray into pocket knives. She knows it's something I am into and enjoy, and she still gets to spend money on things she's interested in without me griping at her, so it works out well for us both.
The main issue to discuss is to make sure that your basic needs for immediate expenses, intermediate savings (like for a first house), and long-term savings (like for kids college or your retirement) are being met, and only then can you spend on the fun-to-do things. On a tight budget some resentment can come up if say you only have $100 left over each month for fun stuff and that has to be split up between your stuff, her stuff, and both of you stuff. She may feel that she is sacrificing her fun stuff to fund the both-of-you stuff, but you spend more on just-you stuff.
Nothing worse than to scrimp and save and deny yourself something for months until it looks like you're finally going to be able to spend that $100 dollars on something, just to find out your significant other just blew $200 on something else without even asking about it first. So the key thing is to talk about it in advance and agree on the spending levels. That will make things much smoother.
