Model: Hello? I'm here about the job.
Jeff: Hi. What's your name again? Nah, forget it, it's better if I don't know.
Model: Okay. The ad was a little vague, what will I be modeling?
Jeff: Knives.
Model: Come again?
Jeff: Hey, I like your enthusiasm. Knives. Topless girls with knives move product.
Model: Topless is no problem. So where and when is the shoot?
Jeff: Not so fast sister, let's see the goods. If you're gonna be R.A.T. bait, you gotta be able to attract the rats on my forum.
(Model strips off her top)
Model: You like what you see?
Jeff: Oh yeah. Now comes my favorite part.
Model: Oh?
Jeff: Yeah. Part of your job is trade shows. We can't be showing your ta-tas at Blade, so this is the part where we see if you can present knives while I perform as your hand bra. Did you know that hand bras are a popular form of entertainment in the Amazon basin? There ain't much TV worth watching down there--and talking to the natives? Believe you me that gets old real quick. So bring your luscious self over here.
Model: I don't know. Your hands look kind of rough. Hey did you cut yourself?
Jeff: I was skinning a caiman. Topless women are a caiman a dozen in the Amazon. Now zip it and let's get to hand bra time.
Model: How much does this job pay again?
Jeff: You get a pink Izula. (Pulls his personal pink Izula from beneath his shirt).
Model: That doesn't seem like much to be touched by you.
Jeff: No, the touching is a "fringe benefit." I am extremely fringe. Nope. A pink Izula, the baddest neck knife in the world is just for the topless modeling. Here, try one on. The knife is for going topless for the next year no matter the weather, just like in the Amazon. Room, board, this Izula. If you haven't noticed the economy sucks and I can live off of the fat of the land if I have to. I know you model types don't eat much, but if the economy goes tits up, I can keep you in squirrel and possum. There are thousands of girls who'd take this deal. History is full of ones who did. . . .
Model (Interrupting): Does this mean I get the job?
Jeff: Well, that depends.
Model: On what? You already have me topless for a year for a rather small knife.
Jeff: Lemme see your hands.
Model: Why?
Jeff: Well, there is hand modeling in the knife world too. I like to call them "hand jobs."
Model: That is gonna cost you extra.
Jeff: What is gonna cost me extra?
Model: Hand jobs.
Jeff: Well, how about I throw in a T-shirt? For when the year is up of course.