Why so much rudeness and anger in the Cantina?

J

Josh Feltman

Joined
Feb 12, 2001
Messages
4,501
I don't understand this. Maybe I'm the only one who sees it, but it makes me feel like not even coming here anymore.
 
I think some of the bad mojo is coming from past confrontations or is bleeding over from ongoing feuds in other forums. Hopefully, everyone will learn to let go and respect the views of other posters even if they are completely different.
 
Its a good check Josh. Thanks for mentioning it.
 
I think a little more restraint is called for. That is something I have been learning over the past 20 years. Having lived outside the US for so long and in different places, mainly Singapore and Taiwan, I can say that every time I reacted to what I felt was a slight, or got in peoples face because I thought I was in the "right", I have been wrong. Perhaps not wrong where facts were concerned, but always, without exception, in the way I behaved. But I am learning.

I come here because I like to read the various threads and sometimes share what little I can or think is worthwhile. It's all about community and sharing -- conversation at its best. "The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment." I don't remember who said that, but my grandmother who passed away in August also had it right: "If you can't say something nice, keep your mouth shut."

It is more challenging to find a way to say something so that everyone wins than it is to try to show the others that you are right and he/she/they are wrong. And it is much more satisfying when you succeed. We should all try to take up the challenge more often.


James
 
There are a lot of things that seem to be boiling over as of late. It's not fun, but it's part of the dynamics of the net. We will all just have to step up and mod ourselves. I really hope no one leaves over this.

Jake
 
You know I have said this before on other sites . The time of year can have a great deal to do with it . I am not saying this is a major factor , just an influence . Even if it is not strictly fall in a lot of the places we live it is still a time of transition .

On a hunters forum I am on , every fall the braggarts and the misfits become more vocal . I am not making a direct analogy with our place just saying there are similar instances elsewhere .

Springtime rolls around and all the malcontents are ready to stroll down the street prepared to kiss even the ugliest baby in the world . Either way take it from where it comes .
 
Check my avatar.

It's the internet. People say stuff. It's just the nature of the beast. At the end of the day it's essentially meaningless and only carries whatever worth you assign to it.
 
I've been embroiled in internet dramas in the past. I had to walk away for a while and focus on real life. Get perspective. As a result, I am less active than I was perhaps, but I am also more at peace about differing opinions and behavior. Dave summed it up pretty well. I have learned and still learn a lot from here, and hope I have imparted some things to others, but I had to learn to not take too much to heart.
 
Josh Feltman said:
If people wouldn't act this way when Bill and Rusty were around, they shouldn't do it now.
Click to expand...


I acted worse back then

Seriously I think that a lot of times people start getting nervous when folks disagree and most of us around here have known each other long enough to disagree fully and forcefully, which might make some folks nervous, but at the same time that doesn't mean we don't like the people we are disagreeing with.

How interesting would it be if we just sat around and patted each other on the back continuously?

But you know what's interesting? Get the same people together in real life and everbody is so excited to see each other and talk about the stuff we have in common we seldom argue about the stuff we don't. It's just when wer'e bored I guess.
 
Uhmmm, except it isn't meaningless.

We come back here day after day partly because we're bored or addicted, but partly because there really is a community. I agree that people sometimes say stuff which would get their teeth handed back to them in a paper bag if said in "real life," exactly because fists don't have any deterrent power when the conversation takes place in pixels and electrons.

I agree that you've got to be able to discount the crap ... but the rest of the place is far from meaningless. If anything, it's a place where people can and do talk about stuff which brings meaning to them, and in a weird way get to know each other differently than they ever would in person.
 
As I said, it carries whatever worth one assigns to it. If I didn't find at least something of worth, I would no longer be here.

On the same note, I have no problems with discarding things that have no worth to me. When I see that little icon indicating that a thread has been locked I'll look it over to satisfy my morbid curiosity (and who doesn't enjoy a good dramabomb?) but I'm not going to let it keep me awake at night. I have far more serious matters to keep me awake at night and they can't be solved by clicking the "Ignore User" button.

People get snippy occasionally in real life. People get snippy more commonly on the internet. Here, at least, one has the option of muting an antagonist without any real harm being done.

Sticks and stones, right?

In any event, proper netiquette requires that folks keep personal attacks private ("Take it to email!") and to refrain from letting personal problems from bleeding out into the community as a whole. I'm fully in agreement with Josh on this point. Not everyone will abide by this (just as not everyone abided by it when Bill and Rusty were still with us) but it's a goal to strive for.
 
People did act out when Bill and Rusty were here.

We have short memories...


munk
 
I learn more varied and useful things on this forum than anywhere else I can think of. Lots of good people here and lots of good discussion. I have probably pissed someone off at sometime and I am sure everyone here has. The thread being alluded to here was in my opinion very interesting as a life discussion. I know it was intended to honor someone, but that is life too. But disagreement and hard feelings soften over time and with talking. Some of my best friends were percieved as enemies at one time. Sometimes it's like makeup sex. (OK maybe not, but we have to throw in sex somewhere.)
Terry
 
How the (bleep) should I know why there is so much (bleep) rudeness and anger around here? What do I look like, a (bleep) human relations expert? This is just the kind of thread that makes me get (bleep) angry and causes me to say (bleep) rude things that I regret later. I don't even know why I keep reading this (bleep) stuff! I don't need this (bleep)!

Whew, I feel much better now. Thanks, guys. :)

(And before I forget, "Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh!")

Eric
 
Hah! Yeah, I was terrible when Bill and Rusty were in charge, at least when it came to Burafan. Anybody remember Yerrik? Moose and squirrel, Danny with his big sexy brain. Ah, those were the days.
 
1. It's not the anger, it is the lack of resolution
2. This place was meant to be a refuge, and allow redemption
3. We need to be mindful of the family forum, but allow 'contestants' the opportunity to work through it. That doesn't mean a public spectacle going on and on for nothing, but it does mean a little tolerance.

4. This is not a Country Club of exclusive members.


I was the block to allowing Spiral back into the forum. No one was more aware of his past behavior than I.
Since his return, I've observed real behavior, and commented on it's positive nature. I was grudging at first. I figured he'd probably blow it eventually.

But he didn't, and in my humble opinion, has done very well.
Do we really want to remember our worst behavior and hang it around the neck of someone forever?
I'm still humbled when I think back to the time I blew up at Dan K. and was unfair. If Dan or others wanted to remember only that about me, I'd never have made it back. Either would have Hollow, and even Danny in Japan has tread dangerously many times.


munk
 
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