Wife hates my knife making, need some tips

Ladams19 said:
Thanks for all the advise, I am reading through it all. I spend lots of time with the her and the kids. I cook for us, clean the house, do all the kid stuff as well. I mostly work in my shop on the weekends after everything else is done or in the evenings during the week. Kids are 13, 11 and 2. I am trying to tell her that I am working on the artistic side of knife making. I have been showing her some of the beautiful work you all put on here all the time and show here some of the prices and what they are worth. I have been working on kitchen knives and things like that. Does not matter what I make if its able to cut butter, then its a weapon. She is in her mid 40s so not sure about menopause. I told her yesterday I am working to get my Journeyman blade smith and she is going to have to deal with it. She said its not worth the time because its dangerous and does not contribute to the household in a positive way. She was fully aware of my guns, knives and everything else before we were married. I was still in the reserves when we first got together. I gave her the full tour and even took her shooting a few times. Now she just wont go at all and is in that group that believes somehow a gun or a knife is going to come to life and hurt people. So I laid a kitchen knife on the counter while we ate dinner and pointed out the fact that no one was hurt while we ate and the knife behaved itself the whole time. She did not like the sarcasm lol. Kids did though. besides being pointy and sharp none of the knives I make are fierce looking weapons, they are just knives in general and I am learning.
Click to expand...

Be sure and tell her she is far more beautiful than any knife(lol—you get the idea) as hopefully she’s just being jealous of the time you spend alone in your shop, and letting off a little steam.
 
Here's an idea: Find something she'll go absolutely bonkers over (in a good way). If she's not materialistic, get her a puppy or something.
Tie it up really securely in a box. If it's an item that comes in clamshell packaging, you're already ahead of the curve. Wrap tape around it. String. Cable ties, etc...

Now remove all knives, scissors, nail clippers, car keys, etc... out of the house. Put those in a similar box if you like. Remove anything that can be used to cut open a package.

Now... here's where the strategy comes it. Take one of the knives you've made, and polish it up really nice. Put a good edge on it, and lay it out where she'll notice it.

Hand her the box and walk away. The problem should solve itself in a matter of minutes.

:D
 
knife to a gunfight said:
Here's an idea: Find something she'll go absolutely bonkers over (in a good way). If she's not materialistic, get her a puppy or something.
Tie it up really securely in a box. If it's an item that comes in clamshell packaging, you're already ahead of the curve. Wrap tape around it. String. Cable ties, etc...

Now remove all knives, scissors, nail clippers, car keys, etc... out of the house. Put those in a similar box if you like. Remove anything that can be used to cut open a package.

Now... here's where the strategy comes it. Take one of the knives you've made, and polish it up really nice. Put a good edge on it, and lay it out where she'll notice it.

Hand her the box and walk away. The problem should solve itself in a matter of minutes.

:D
Click to expand...

Don’t tape up a box with a puppy inside!! If it doesn’t either suffocate or get stabbed to death, she may call PITA on him.
 
Perhaps hang posters of ’Gov Jerry or Nancy Pelosi in your workshop.
Seriously,
Maybe she is fishing for a change but does not want to be the one to instigate it.
Sadly, Trouble is brewing for sure.
 
She has more respect for the ants in your house than she does for you.

If you go to a counselor use that and , vet her our first so she's not California loonie too.

Is she afraid of you offing yourself ? That could be behind it.



I like Stacey's ideas - hide your stuff so she can't toss it.
See what you can do legally, put it in a trust now that goes to whoever later so she never has physical or legal possession

I knew a guy (60's) who's girlfriend tossed everything he owned out the window onto the lawn - his house not hers.
He must have caved in because it happened every other month or so after that.
Seems to me - she should have been outside on the lawn with all his clothes.
 
Last edited:
Lieblad said:
Perhaps hang posters of ’Gov Jerry or Nancy Pelosi in your workshop.
Seriously,
Maybe she is fishing for a change but does not want to be the one to instigate it.
Sadly, Trouble is brewing for sure.
Click to expand...
I could not stomach posters like that in my workplace. That would be too much crazy all in one place.
 
Yonose said:
Glad you made it out of that one quick enough! He’s got 3 kids though, and 14 yeRs, won’t be that easy for him!
Click to expand...

Yeah, i dont have any kids. I didnt think about that. The courts are so rigged against men and the pain of losing your kids is pretty rough. My brother went through that.

Edit
I feel i need to elaborate a bit more on how messed up courts are. My brother's ex passed out drunk at a red light with my niece and an infant in the car. My niece was watching the infant while she was in the bar trying to find her next husband/victim. The police came and arrested her and took the kids. The kids were in foster care a bit, then went to the woman's second ex husband, and my brother had to pay child support to a man. Then after a year of fighting my brother finally got his own kid back. The sad thing is, it was the fifth time that woman had been arrested for DUI after my brother divorced her.
 
Last edited:
Look, I understand how my first reply of "abandon ship" may seem knee jerk or reactionary, but from the perspective you're giving us, (which is only 1 side of the story, not saying you're being dishonest, but it's extremely hard for someone in a relationship like this to be 100% objective) I truly believe anything short of a radical change on her part is going to lead to a miserable partnership that harms your kids more than helps.

Assaulting her feelings on the subject with logic or sarcasm will only entrench them, because they're feelings and not based in logic. Counseling is likely the place to start. A good marriage counselor will challenge both parties, but particularly the one who is being completely unreasonable. If an objective 3rd party cannot convince your wife that it's unreasonable to marry a member of the military who owns guns, eats meat, hunts and fishes, and expect to then convert them into a vegan pacifist who cuts his soy cubes with rubber sporks; I don't know how you can expect to reconcile these differences.

You owe your kids to give that a shot I think, but giving in to such unreasonable behavior is unfair to you, and attempting to placate her through logic traps or other such chicanery is disrespectful to her.

So when I say, I'd be divorced, what I mean is in order for this problem to be solved, you need to be willing to be divorced. If you're willing to see it through, the process I would go through is:
1. Calmly and rationally state how I find her newly expressed opinions to be objectionable and while I can certainly respect her feelings, her trying to apply them to me is unreasonable. If she can't live and let live...
2. Ask her to see a counselor with me and I would give it a fair shot, see if she can change, see if there's something I can change to make life better for her in case this is just the manifestation of other issues she doesn't want to address directly. If neither of us can change...
3. Eject.
 
Yes I am sorry for my pessimism but my experience with people who have firmly held nonsensical beliefs and try, or do, impose them on others has been nothing but exercises or views into the definition of futility. I do get that what you have here isn't something you can or even should simply drop and walk away from but I don't know any solution that hasn't in my experience be as effective as beating ones own head against a wall. I have experience with a demanding relationship and with one who views things they are told and ignoring or neglecting science despite reason and proof. I just have fortunately never been married and managed more so to wait things out and generally able to keep things peaceful. The story I have read here looks to be beyond my more fortunate experiences of similar or relate-able circumstances.

Best of luck and we are here to help and support you as best we are able.
 
Like Stacy suggested I started with paring knives, santoku, nakiri, cheese knives and even a bread knife (all of which she uses in the kitchen).
It helps that my kids love knives and give me design input. My daughter helped me make a chefs knife for her (picked out the mosaic pins and burl wood and did some of the hacksaw and sanding). It also helps that I now put a display case in the basement to keep them from being all over the kitchen, living room, night table, etc.

Happily, I've graduated the family to push-daggers, karambits, and am working on a couple swords. We all enjoy hurling some throwers at a target in the yard.
If someone says they are scary, I claim that they are really a just curiosity since people who want to cause harm in 2018 will use a gun. (they seem to buy that more than half the time...)
 
Ladams19 said:
Thanks for all the advise, I am reading through it all. I spend lots of time with the her and the kids. I cook for us, clean the house, do all the kid stuff as well. I mostly work in my shop on the weekends after everything else is done or in the evenings during the week. Kids are 13, 11 and 2. I am trying to tell her that I am working on the artistic side of knife making. I have been showing her some of the beautiful work you all put on here all the time and show here some of the prices and what they are worth. I have been working on kitchen knives and things like that. Does not matter what I make if its able to cut butter, then its a weapon. She is in her mid 40s so not sure about menopause. I told her yesterday I am working to get my Journeyman blade smith and she is going to have to deal with it. She said its not worth the time because its dangerous and does not contribute to the household in a positive way. She was fully aware of my guns, knives and everything else before we were married. I was still in the reserves when we first got together. I gave her the full tour and even took her shooting a few times. Now she just wont go at all and is in that group that believes somehow a gun or a knife is going to come to life and hurt people. So I laid a kitchen knife on the counter while we ate dinner and pointed out the fact that no one was hurt while we ate and the knife behaved itself the whole time. She did not like the sarcasm lol. Kids did though. besides being pointy and sharp none of the l
L
knives I make are fierce looking weapons, they are just knives in general and I am learning.
Click to expand...
. Wow! She has gone a bit over the edge! ——— This May come as a shock to many but I have lived in the State of Cauliflower most of my life and there are plenty of folks here that own firearms, eat meat, and fish & hunt! I do all but the last one, just never been hungry enough to take a Deer etc but have no problem with ethical hunting.. as has been mentioned I think your wife is trying to come up with a reason to push you two apart..———— 40’s can be Menopause time as well... You have three kids and I can tell you from personal experience that divorce can be really hard on the kids! ————My brother & I were the kids.——- So I suggest counciling as soon as possible ...Also I have always loved making Culinary knives. Those are the knives that get used far more than other kinds.———————————————————.. I’ll also say there is a good market for them here in Cally with a well to do aging Boomer group of folks here that are Foodies and love fine kitchens, pots & pans and fine hand made Cutlery to use. ———- what part of Califlower are you in? I’m in Santa Monica... feel free to PM me and I sincerely wish you the best with your wife & kids...
 
At the end of the day, you have to be able to live with the man starring back at you in the mirror. One can only stuff down so much. Although, when you throw kids into the mix, it increases the amount we’re willing to bottle up. For them. But, and don’t take this the wrong way, divorce isn’t the end of the world. In fact it could be a lot worse, for everyone involved, to stay in a relationship you’re miserable in.

The logical path she’s going down leads right off the deep end. That’s some real far left loonie toon shit. It can’t be reasoned with, as I’m sure you very well know by now. I would go talk with some marriage counselors ALONE to vet them. Explain the situation to them and try to get a read on where they stand. Buy the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. Read it and start using the tactics to bring your wife back from the dark side. Try and get out of California if possible.
 
I've only been married ~2 years... without any kids yet... so any advice I could give other than spouse selection is probably pretty worthless.

All I can say is that I feel for you and hope that you and your family come out of this debacle ahead. Once someone has their mind made up; it's a tough thing to change (entrenching/tribal/group think). People seem to change through life, which is good/healthy/normal... when they start trying to significantly change their mate I think it can go South (what I've seen in my limited years).

Suggested reading that may help:
  • Crucial Conversations - Kerry Patterson et all
  • How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

Best of Luck,
JK
 
Out of curiosity, what is her religious belief system? From a hindu/buddhist perspective, in some respect, she is correct about the karma thing. However, she should recognize that ultimately it's your decision on how to manage that, and that by preventing you from pursuing this she may be worsening her karmic burden.

On another note, is this a relatively recent change in her behavior? If so she could be suffering from a version of post-partum depression. It can last years if untreated.

Good luck, brother.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top