Wife hates my knife making, need some tips

Don Hanson III said:
I've been married 38 years, my wife is behind me 100%. We respect each other equally.
I am a lucky man!
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Change 38 to 28 and that describes me too.

I showed this to her last night and after reading the opening post she said that womans crazy but then I scrolled down to where you said you did the cooking and cleaning and kid stuff and her jaw dropped like a cartoon character.
My first advice is to not listen to my advice, but its the way I would do it. I would sit her down and tell her she needs to straighten her act up NOW. Tell her you are going fishing and she needs to have supper ready when you get home because you will be spending time in the shop knifemaking tonight.

I truly wish you the best.
 
Wow!!! I didn’t read everyone’s replies! But I agree that you can’t change who you are, you can just curb it a little! I’m lucky in the fact that my fiancé has an elk hunt this year, I built her a new knife, pink kirinite handles, and bought her a new rifle, 7mm-08 in muddy girl Camo! I’m fortunate, hell, she’s even a beer drinker!!! But trying to change who you are, can never last very long, without you becoming very depressed! Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
What makes this a bit hard for some of the members reading and responding is that there is a very different attitude towards life, death, and the connection of all in the universe to a serious Buddhist.
It goes way beyond being a vegetarian/vegan. There is a life force in everything. His wife may seem a bit off to some of us, but from here point of view we are the ones who are crazy.
They are going to have to work this out together. Hopefully, some family counseling will make a compromise possible.



My wife of 24 years does not like guns, especially handguns, so I stopped working on guns. It wasn't an order from her, but I know how she feels and respect it. Not a big thing on my end, but important to her. When I get the new shop done, I will probably go back to building black powder rifles, which she is OK with.
I like making knives and building things. She happily allows my boxes of stuff to sit in many places around the house. The garage, yard, two of the upstairs bedrooms are mine to do with as I wish. The downstairs is decorated with my antique phones, swords sitting in the corners, bear rug on the floor, Menachem Boas paintings, and other antique stuff ... along with some of her pretty things. She has grown to actually like this. The old farm stuff, building supplies, tents and tables, etc. is OK with her as long as I keep it sort of neat (anyone who has been at my place knows that there are formal decks and tidy areas for socializing ... and areas that are out of junk-wars).
She is 100% behind us building the big new shop in the second lot and plans on spending time out there with me when it is done. Maybe she will just read, maybe she will put labels on knives and stuff being shipped, maybe she will paint little doo-dads ... but her support of the new shop makes it a good deal. All she wants is a comfy chair, an air conditioned clean shop, and to hang around while I work. I had a pretty shop apron made for her last Christmas that says "Shop Lamb". We plan on growing old out there together.
 
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Perhaps, I missed the post that said she was a Buddhist. I know she spoke of "Karma" but that term has become synonymous to "cause and effect". I don't get that mindset... where do you draw the line... sentient beings?... that is getting to be an interesting frontier as well.

Many vegans take the ethical stand that veganism is cruelty free because plants do not suffer when harvested or eaten. The reality is that plants possess very robust signaling systems that share characteristics with the nervous systems of animals. We may have difficulty perceiving the suffering of plants, simply because a plant’s internal signaling system and subsequent reaction is slower than an animal’s nervous system.
 
Rick Marchand said:
Perhaps, I missed the post that said she was a Buddhist. I know she spoke of "Karma" but that term has become synonymous to "cause and effect". I don't get that mindset... where do you draw the line... sentient beings?... that is getting to be an interesting frontier as well.

Many vegans take the ethical stand that veganism is cruelty free because plants do not suffer when harvested or eaten. The reality is that plants possess very robust signaling systems that share characteristics with the nervous systems of animals. We may have difficulty perceiving the suffering of plants, simply because a plant’s internal signaling system and subsequent reaction is slower than an animal’s nervous system.
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Many only eat fruit or fallen seeds and nuts. I can say with sincerity that Trees have a depth of feeling that humans will never understand. They don’t like us much though, and tend to be outright cantankerous late in the afternoon. When I camp, I’m more wary of the trees and plants than I am of any animal. Since they can’t move physically as we do, their awareness moves “in other ways” that can be as destructive to a human as a large brown bear.
Back to the subject, there are some California sects of Buddhism which would agree with the man’s wife. Other sects would agree with his views. Since divorce isn’t an option, is changing your religious circles together a possibility?
 
Rick Marchand said:
Let's just think about that statement... then slowly step away from it... lol.
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Partial quote...ambiguous suggestion of poster’s insanity? Lol. I can assure you unambiguously that being sane is both boring and dangerous to your health!
Sorry for the thread jack!
 
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Yonose said:
Many only eat fruit or fallen seeds and nuts. I can say with sincerity that Trees have a depth of feeling that humans will never understand. They don’t like us much though, and tend to be outright cantankerous late in the afternoon. When I camp, I’m more wary of the trees and plants than I am of any animal. Since they can’t move physically as we do, their awareness moves “in other ways” that can be as destructive to a human as a large brown bear.
Back to the subject, there are some California sects of Buddhism which would agree with the man’s wife. Other sects would agree with his views. Since divorce isn’t an option, is changing your religious circles together a possibility?
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Oh my - a kindred spirit walks BF :thumbsup: :)

As to the dilemma of the OP - I sympathize but can't imagine being able to offer any useful advice that might prove actionable by the individuals involved. Having said that I would encourage you and your wife study KARMA beyond the exoteric meaning. A deeper understanding of Karma would reveal that INTENT is key. The effect of action on Karma for one, is not the same for another. A knife maker (as with other works) making knives with focus and dedication to his/her craft, striving to do the best work is very likely creating lovely Karma. INTENT is key and only the knife maker can know his/her heart.

My best wishes to you LADAMS19 that you may resolve this wrenching dilemma within your family.

Ray
 
All I got to say to you all is thank you. Honestly, the most I really thought I was going to get was something like make a kitchen knives. I just thought maybe this might be something others have experienced in their life while learning the blades and could maybe pass on their thoughts. I understand this is not a Dear Abby but I want to know about obstacles others may have had to surpass and how they did it. From the sounds of it, most spouses seem to be more positive than negative about it. Guess this might be a somewhat unique situation.

I am going to use this information. I am pouring over it and the first thing I am going to do is set her down and have a long talk. Seriously, I am not hurting a fly in my workshop, except that one yellow jacket that would not leave me alone. Poor thing took a hit of LPS to the wings and that was all she wrote, anyway I digress. I am going to quit showing her the knives that look "dangerous" and focus on the ones that she can use. I am going to make her the nicest kitchen knife she has ever owned and also make some for our local Buddhist temple. Now here is the angle. The kitchen manager at the Buddhist temple says one word about the knife, hopefully good. Well then I am good. How can she complain about me making knives when a Buddhist monk is thanking me for making a knife. Then I go from there.

Yes, I gave us lots to get where I am. But don't we all one way or another? We got to meet in the middle though. Understandably in life the line wavers a bit back and forth and nothing is ever perfectly equal. I just need to find a way to get her with me on this and stop the feelings from her that I am somehow ruining the world by making knives. Thank you all for your input. There is no wrong answer for this situation but I cannot thank you enough for this imparted wisdom. I am going to read over this thread many times and put together something I think she will work with. I just could not see where or why she is all worked up over this. I just cant buy the fact that my knife making is harming anyone physically or in some karmic way.
 
One of her friends planted that seed that she is fertilizing to the Point of No Return and will surely create Cosmic Chaos and disrupt all Karma as we know it....Happened to my ex-wife to the point I took the kids and she ran off with a Trucker...Every Time I hear an Air Horn I think he is bringing her back:eek::eek:
 
Ladams19 said:
Thanks for all the advise, I am reading through it all. I spend lots of time with the her and the kids. I cook for us, clean the house, do all the kid stuff as well. I mostly work in my shop on the weekends after everything else is done or in the evenings during the week. Kids are 13, 11 and 2. I am trying to tell her that I am working on the artistic side of knife making. I have been showing her some of the beautiful work you all put on here all the time and show here some of the prices and what they are worth. I have been working on kitchen knives and things like that. Does not matter what I make if its able to cut butter, then its a weapon. She is in her mid 40s so not sure about menopause. I told her yesterday I am working to get my Journeyman blade smith and she is going to have to deal with it. She said its not worth the time because its dangerous and does not contribute to the household in a positive way. She was fully aware of my guns, knives and everything else before we were married. I was still in the reserves when we first got together. I gave her the full tour and even took her shooting a few times. Now she just wont go at all and is in that group that believes somehow a gun or a knife is going to come to life and hurt people. So I laid a kitchen knife on the counter while we ate dinner and pointed out the fact that no one was hurt while we ate and the knife behaved itself the whole time. She did not like the sarcasm lol. Kids did though. besides being pointy and sharp none of the knives I make are fierce looking weapons, they are just knives in general and I am learning.
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Sorry to hear this . I use a simple rule in my house , When the wife asks you to do something you don't want to do. I weigh what is more valuable to me . A evening of her squawking or wash the dishes and live in peace . That sums it up short and neat . You choose either option .. no one will pass judgement on you.
 
Well I sat down and had a talk with her about knife making tonight. I put forth this. How about if I only make kitchen knives and camp knives and an occasional knife for a gift. Nothing military and no hunters or fighters. Every other knife I make will go to the Buddhist temple to use in the kitchen. Here is her reply. Well its good to make knives for the temple and you will earn good merit for that, but its still bad chi. Bad chi will make the household sickness, the kids illnesses and cause our family to have bad things happen. So what if I make every knife for the temple. I was told I don't understand and any knife can be used as a weapon and this cause issues in my next life and bad chi. Pretty much frustrated with this. I told her she is going to have to live with it, its ridiculous. pretty chilly around the house right now lol.
 
Given that there are so many sects of Buddhism, one really cannot generalize what "Buddhism" says about anything. Furthermore, the way that various sects of Buddhism have been adopted and are practiced by people in the West is quite different from how most people practice in the countries those sects arose in. Nothing wrong with that, but it's important to keep in mind.

In Japan, Buddhist priests (from all sects) drink beer, marry, and eat meat. Historically, warriors and bladesmiths adhered to various sects of Buddhism, and there were various ways to justify doing things that may be seen as immoral (like killing in war).

For my first 2 years in Japan, I spent a week out of every month doing grueling meditation retreats in a Zen monastery in Kyoto. Wake up at 3 AM, anywhere from 10-16 hours of meditation a day, no socks or jackets (or heat) in the winter; get eaten alive by mosquitoes in the summer. It was actually during one of these retreats that I got the insane notion to start learning to make knives. I also have never been in such a violent environment: if a monk moves or falls asleep during meditation, the head monk beats him severely with a very large stick. So, just remember, we can't generalize about Buddhism.

In Zen, daily work is seen as an extension of meditative practice. Craftsmanship fits very nicely in that. If a person loses his sense of self in an activity, becoming totally absorbed, this is a kind of meditative state. If that practice brings peace to a person and benefit to society, it's a positive thing. "The sword that gives life" is an example of that. Whether it's a practitioner of martial arts or a sword smith, the weapon itself is not an evil. It's how it's used (mere killing tool, or practice for self transformation).
 
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