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Worst day of my life

Joined
Sep 23, 2006
Messages
1,524
I lost my girlfriend of 3 years tonite. :( She was the greatest thing that ever happened to me and I love her more than words can say. Shes 20 and we have been together for a long time, i am only 22, and her parents didnt like me after a certain act commenced that usually does with lovers. after 2.5 years, they still despise me. It kills me because I have been loyal to her and loved her through it all and been there for her. Sad thing is, she loves me too and it kills her that we cant be together but for some reason, she cant seem to stand up to her dad and tell him that we are together. So I just said tonite, we are calling it quits because I am tired of being a secret or kept away from your family. I dont know. I am a mess right now and I am probably an idiot for posting this on blade forums but I needed to tell someone and this is the only place I have at the moment. (sad i know) :( I haven't cried in ages. Tonite I lost it. This is the hardest thing i have been through. please, forgive me if this is mindless. I hope I havent wasted anyone's time with my sad rant. please keep me in your prayers. I dont even know where to start. :(
 
Go to her right now and get back together with her and tell her exactly how you feel. Then take her by the hand and both of you go together to her parents and you tell them in no uncertain terms that you love her and will not stop being with her.

Don't let her parents (especially father) see any doubt or fear whatsoever coming from you. You need to act and be very strong and willful and show them that while you really want their blessing (because you respect them immensely AND because your girlfriend needs to have the support of her parents---tell them this btw---), but at the end of the day you love her so much you will continue being with her without their approval too if need be. Tell them exactly how much you care for her.

edited to add: Be ULTRA polite and respectful to the parents, but forceful and certain and sure of what you feel for her.

Either they will recognize how much you both are in love and start supporting you two, or the father will get out his shotgun and kill you. Either way, good luck.

Well, that's just my opinion. YMMV.

Good luck, and hang in there. Either way this will pass just fine eventually.
 
You are not wasting anyones time. I agree Emanuel try and sit down with her parents. I know it sounds hard or impossbile.
 
Her parents probably still see you as the 19 year old who "violated' thier precious little 17 year young baby girl.
Hopefully she will grow up and see that she has to move on from her parents control.
Also the parents need to realise that their little girl is a woman now.

Best of luck to you.
 
No, it is good to discuss things some times, get opinions, etc.

I don't agree on the immediancy of the situation.

1) - You're both old enough to get your own place, get married, etc. You're both adults. Young, but so was everyone once.

2) - You're both young enough that you've got time to determine when this event, if ever, will occur. This could be just the turning point of "eventually."

So, think about it, don't dwell on it. There is a difference.

If neither of you wishes to take the big, independent, difficult step, then you did the right thing and you'll have to aquire the psychological hardiness to move on. Easier said than done, but many things are.

Give it some time. No doubt, if the relationship is meant to be, than a conversation in a week or so will resolve the issue.

Best wishes.
 
Before you decide to tell people how grown up the two of you are, think about how well you can support each other. Start with finances and move on to a home. In other words, can either or both of you live independently of your families? If not, what you say to her parents is a moot point.

Relax. I know, not possible for a day or so. But soon, stop and think about this on a logical level. Don't make decisions when you're already upset. Talk it over with her once you've both calmed down, and some of the necessary decisions may make themselves.
 
Good advice from emanuel and esav. You might want to consider things from her parent's point of view, also. Maybe you two could consider forgoing sexual intimacy till you can do the right thing and marry her. That's the way they'll see it. It might be that they were intimate before marriage, also, but they've forgotten that when it comes to their baby girl. If they didn't, then they feel that they have every right to expect their daughter and any future husband to behave the the same. If they're good people and you want their blessing, try seeing things from their point of view and behave accordingly.
 
Gentlemen, thank you very much for your thoughts and prayers. The problem with going to her parents is that they live in Oklahoma City and we are in Knoxville, Tennessee. I am from here and Cara has lived here in east Tennessee for over 10 years, when her family lived here. her father works for IBM and they moved to OK City a year or so ago. I am seriously considering dirving out there and knocking on his door by myself and talking to him. If he chooses not to speak with me after not seeing me for 3 years and under the circumstance that I drove 16 hours just to talk to him about his daughter that I am not with at the current time, as someone said, he will either kill me or tell me to go away. Either way, I think he will respect me for making the effort to see him and confront him. I could easily just give up and try to move on. But part of me says if I dont do this, I haven't done EVERYTHING I could have to make it right. The problem is not with Cara and I, it is with Cara and her family. She loves me and loves them. She doesnt want to live without me and She doesnt want to disappoint them because her dad said for her not to bring me around the family. I just dont understand it though. I graduated from college in 3 years and one summer session with a high GPA, I was a collegiate track and field athlete, I am currently on scholarship with the Army doing ROTC working on my commission, and I have never done anything wrong to Cara. I just wish they could see that. So I think that I need to just do it. I have a week or so off school before we start back and before I have to start drilling again with my battalion and I think that I need to show myself, more than anything, that I have done everything in my power to ease tension and make things right. Then, after doing this, I can honestly say to myself, "Clark, you tried everything you knew or could to make it right and its not on your shoulders anymore." Maybe I am going to my grave early in doing so, if I go through with it, but I have a conviction telling me I need to do this.

Once again, thank you all for taking a few minutes out of your day to read my post and respond. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. God bless you all and keep me and Cara in your prayers.
 
Don't give up!
Fight the good fight!
(this might sound stupid, BUT....)
Sometimes before I have to make an awkward phone call or need inspiration for something I really don't want to do, I take out my katana and think of the dedication to duty that the Samurai had to suffer though, and think, this is no obstacle for a true warrior. (Not that I've ever claimed to be a true warrior, but it helps in my mind sometimes.)
Since you have time to think this through, see if you can get an appt. with a military counselor or psychologist to talk this thing through, so you don't blow it. I hope you can get (free) access to talk to a professional so you can get everything sorted out. I hope you are able to seize the best path of life for yourself.
 
Thank you walking man. Your point about the Samurai is well-state and well-taken. I can talk to any of the military counselors or chaplains we have in our battalion. I plan on doing that, but I feel like I need to try to make amends personally with her father. He hasnt seen me in 3 + years. (probably for the best) But I just am a believer (call me crazy) in the thought that time does heal hard feelings in many cases, and what better time in my life to make a last attempt to salvage what i love?
 
Excellent advice from everyone. Having been in a similar situation myself all I can add is GOOD LUCK and DO NOT GIVE UP.
 
I do not want to come off sounding callous but , man up bro !
Get ahold of yourself soldier.

I wasted 4 years of life pining over a girl that I now see was not worth squat , I missed dozens of opportunities to date other girls , some of which would have been more "lucrative" to date than others , I come to find out.
Do not waste your time if you know it is for naught.

I have a good friend going thru a similiar situation with his ex-wife. After months of listeing to him cry and whine ( I'm not making fun of you) I had to get mad and put his butt in check , I told him to stop his damn crying and pull up his belt , suck in that belly , puff out that chest and reclaim your manhood - was he a man or some kind of wuss , was my question. After a week of not speaking or returning my calls he called and thanked me for being honest at least when everyone else was just holding his hand. Mind you , this was a marriage , not just a boyfriend/girlfriend thing (not trying to belittle that , I've been there before too) but marriage is a whole different ball of wax. I hope he can maintain his PMA and control his self , especially in front of her.
I hope the same for you.
This tender manly stuff is killing us off bro ! Do not let her see you blubber like a fool , man up and do what you need to do !

You love her ? Then get off your bottom and do what has needed to be done for a couple years now , go talk to her Dad , remember to be humble and respectful while trying to maintain your manhood- but remember he is the man of his house , he is her father and like any good man would he is going to look out for the best interests of his daughter.

Last but not least - you are young bro , there are bazillions of girls , Thousands that you can choose from in life. You have barely tasted life's sweet fruit , why beat your head against a wall if if it truly not going to work out ?

One more time bud - man up and keep that chin held high. :thumbup:
Good luck

Todd
 
Thanks rebel. I have another buddy that is also military (USAF) that just got his commission as a 2LT and he is like you. Tells me the same stuff. Man up and do the father thing and if it wont work after that and she is still not going to choose, then move on. It sucks but I need to. Thanks for your honesty sir. I am 22 but I feel older than crap.
 
No more advice here. You've gotten plenty already.

But none of it is useful -- until you feel it is.

Let a little time go by, then come to your own decision.

If it helps, this old fellow thinks you did the right thing. You're either in or you're out.

This is one of the very toughest areas of life. Giving advice is dangerous anyway -- to the giver and especially to the receiver. None of us know the details, none of us know YOU well enough to really help.

But we can offer you moral support -- and we have!! Buck up, soldier, life WILL go on.

Also if it matters -- been there, done that. A long time ago...
 
I agree with all of the above posts, I went thru very much the same thing 41 years ago. I was persistant and knew what I wanted. We were apart for 6 months before we got back together, I am still married to that great woman. It was worth all of the discomfort I experianced at the time.
Leon Pugh
 
Awesome Leon. Thanks guys. Taking advice maybe dangerous but when its all you got and nothing to lose, I am all ears on it. Tonite I am going to see her after work and we are going to have a chat about some of the stuff that was posted here. I have taken notes, as stupid as that may sound.... Oh well. Thanks again men. Its time to gather my stuff and execute action and then let the cards fall as they may. I feel once I do what I have described above, it all out of my hands. Thanks again.



Someone said soldier and it made me think... I have other cadets I have to lead. Though its not actual combat yet, I seriously, in all reality, cannot afford to let this bog me down when we get back for drill when this semester resumes. Sometimes hearing advice or thoughts from others make you think of other aspects in your life and other commitments you have and how you CANNOT let them slip in the least, or all is lost.
 
Your 22, there is a lot of fish in the sea, once you finish growing up then worry about finding one you can live with for the next couple of decades at least.
 
I was engaged at 21 while in the military. It was the biggest mistake I made....ever. I never saw her, she barely called, and opportunities passed me by. I was a hostage to that damn ring and to a girl who didn't love me like I thought she did. Though I was hurt the best thing she ever did for me was to cheat on me. Military life suddenly became a whole lot easier to handle. I didn't have to worry about "her" when I had to deploy anywhere. She caused a lot of problems for me because of her lack of decision making.

My advice to you is this..........

End it and end it now. If you plan on going into the military the best thing you can do for yourself is to end it. No strings. Do not call her. Do not write her. Do not email her. Nothing. A clean break.

Let me explain why....

You're 22. You are way too young to be worrying about this crap. The worst thing you can do to yourself is waste time on a girl who doesn't know what she wants and being a slave to her indecisiveness. Before you know it you will have wasted years on her and you might have let a better thing pass you by. Do not put yourself into a position that you cannot get out of. Confronting her father may be a good move but it may also be the stupidest thing you do. If you are really sure about her being the one then you had better make sure that you have examined the full picture of the future that lies ahead of you. You need to think about yourself first and whether or not she is actually worth the trouble of sacrificing your hopes and dreams that you have for yourself.
 
Recon,

Good luck with your decision. I won't give you advice, because I don't know all the details of your given situation.
I will say this though......


....Don't give up your career path for a gal. I didn't, in fact, I divorced my first wife because she couldn't hang with the military. My second wife (of over 20yrs BTW......) rocked on with it. She was the epitome of the Special Forces Wife.

I wish you all the best buddy.

MikeA
 
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