Worst day of my life

FWIW...as a father...if I felt like you had "violated my lil' girl" and you came to my house unaccompanied...I'm pretty sure I'd punch ya in the nose. Especially if the wife wasn't lookin'...

After that, I'd let you in for a talk/chat...but you better have a good story why you been "hiding" for all this time.


NOTE:

I'm not accusing you of any of the above...just saying it like it is...and he might have this point of view....better be prepared for the worse if you decide to go.



Personally...I'd move on. Cut your losses. Cry it out...it's good to grieve.

Believe me...as stated above...there are THOUSANDS of compatible ladies out there. And you quite possibly need some time to do some further "growing up" as well. (saying this, without knowing a thing about you)
 
Thanks guys. I cant tell ya how much I appreciate yalls thoughts and prayers.

As you all might know. I went to see her one last time tonite. We met after she got off work and before she heads back. I talked to my dad and he told me that I just need to cut the ties and go on. She loves me and thats what makes it hard, I dont want to hurt her though she is hurting me. I guess love really is sick, huh? We met and ate. I told her this...

I think that we need to break all ties. I love you and care about you but as long as you let your parents dictate what you want, we cant be together. I have decided to call it my way, "All in or All out." I ask that you dont call me or text me until and IF you decide we can go talk to mom and dad and tell them. Until then, i love you and wish you the best. But please be my friend enough not to drag me on.


I also decided I was going to wait on going to see her dad. Here's why I decided to do that... I figured why should I drive out there to see him if we arent even together. So I told her that I was going to do that if she decided she wanted to be with me someday. When that day comes, i will do that. until then, I am just going to do my best and move on. I have no other choice. I have to go on. Thanks again for everything guys. Sorry for being sappy and running and lovesick thread. I just hurt over this and had to get it out. But I am done with it now. the ball is no longer in my court. How she responds will dictate "our" future. But as for now, I am going forward. I have cadets to lead, a masters i am working on, and other great things going for me. I cant let them fall in the wake of this. thanks again.
 
good luck. do what makes you happy (without hurting others), and don't regret it even if it was a mistake.
 
hey recon,

not to be a preacher or anything, but when i was younger, about your age, a girl i was dating and i went through a similar stage, although for different reasons. we would break up, get back together, then break up again. we ended up together for about 4 years, then again later for about one.

i wasnt the most mature guy out there, and im sure that played a large role.

i say, if you know she's the one you want, go get her. if she is still living at home with her parents, they will have some say, but shouldnt be deciding for her. secret relationships probably will make her father dislike you all the more. if you show him you are there to stay, he will hopefully accept you, he doesnt have to like you.

good luck.
 
Thank tom! I want her and she wants me, she just has to make the decision to stand up for us and me. Its out of my court now. I said goodbye and told her it was up to her from now on. I am done with it for now.
 
DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:


K.V. Collucci said:
End it and end it now. If you plan on going into the military the best thing you can do for yourself is to end it. No strings. Do not call her. Do not write her. Do not email her. Nothing. A clean break.
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You are young. Opportunities abound. Use your energy wisely, i.e. career, military preparation, whatever it is that will ADVANCE you in life. She will not. No woman will. Do what you need to help YOURSELF. Getting with a girl and latching on will not help. Getting with a different girl every night WILL help (use protection :D ).

PLENTY of fish in the sea (even though you may not see that right now wait a little while and you'll realize this is small potatoes).
 
Kens advice is the best advice...move on..your too young to be getting this involved with a girl.

Besides..when you marry the girl you marry the family. Consider that, if she already is deeply attached to her family your marriage is already in trouble before you even walk down the isle. If her parents do not like you there is nothing you can do to change that and obviously your girlfriend has not defended you in front of her parents for three years either! WTF is that all about? I would never get involved with a girl who could not have a argument with her parents to defend the person she supposedly loves. Consider that equation!

move on...
 
Ren, I know I thought that too for the longest time. She says she takes up for me but then again, her Dad is a power-fiend and runs that house totally in control. She cowers in front of him.

I am done with it though. I told her she made the decision to please her parents in lieu of me and my love for her so I dont want to talk any longer and text message or see her or anything. I hated doing it, but as long as she doesnt call me, i will be 10-4.
 
Reconseed,

I've been reading this thread and all the advice. Here's a female's perspective...

I think you did EXACTLY the right thing. She needs to decide for herself which is more important in her life - her happiness or her father's happiness. If she can't decide that now, she'll always, by her choice, be a second class citizen. Honestly, if you figure high in her happiness world, she'll be back. If not, then its for the best!

You are giving her an optimal opportunity to decide to continue to be a child or to grow up. You want someone that understands what it is to make grown up decisions and live with the responsibilities tied to those decisions. It sounds like, in many ways, she makes those around her happy by avoidance, or outright deceit. Is that the type of person you want to trust with your life and any future children's lives?

One of the best pieces of advice my father gave me was to never date anyone that you wouldn't want to raise your children if you weren't around. (While I didn't always follow it, I often wish I had....anyone else was a waste of time.)

Good luck,

Pam
 
Pam, that was the best thing I have heard yet. I think because it comes from a female and your points are very well taken. You are right. I had never thought of it that way. She is being childish and in time, she will see it for what it is and come back. However, the dichotomy is this. I might not be in the state of wanting her back then... I hate to say it, but who knows, I cant see it now, but I may have a good girl that I dont want to let go in her stead. So thanks for your advice. I followed the advice of some wise men on bladeforums here, my father, and other friends that have been through the same thing. Thanks again.
 
ako Knife Lady said:
Reconseed,

I've been reading this thread and all the advice. Here's a female's perspective...

I think you did EXACTLY the right thing. She needs to decide for herself which is more important in her life - her happiness or her father's happiness. If she can't decide that now, she'll always, by her choice, be a second class citizen. Honestly, if you figure high in her happiness world, she'll be back. If not, then its for the best!

You are giving her an optimal opportunity to decide to continue to be a child or to grow up. You want someone that understands what it is to make grown up decisions and live with the responsibilities tied to those decisions. It sounds like, in many ways, she makes those around her happy by avoidance, or outright deceit. Is that the type of person you want to trust with your life and any future children's lives?

One of the best pieces of advice my father gave me was to never date anyone that you wouldn't want to raise your children if you weren't around. (While I didn't always follow it, I often wish I had....anyone else was a waste of time.)

Good luck,

Pam
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Pam,

I too was following along here in this thread and decided ultimately not to comment.. However, after reading your post I felt compelled to say to you and to reconseed that you nailed it! I mean, 100% - no truer words were ever spoken - nailed it!.

Thanks for being such a smart gal with the best advice anyone could get in this situation.

Incidentally, Your Father sounds like a wonderful fellow! :thumbup:
 
reconseed,

If you want to learn how to "deal" with fathers, watch the movie "Meet the Fockers".:D.

Good luck.
 
Hmmm, interesting thread...two sides to every story though. Perhaps it isn't the parents that caused this breakup but your ex realized you are at the very least emotionally unfaithful?
For those who do not know Reconseed is formerly Meshmdz here and is/was Spydermdz on the Spyderco.com forum, not mention at least two incarnations on Benchmade. He has indicated in the past regarding breakups with this girl, chasing other girls and having "girlfriends" in other countries.
12/12/06
spydermdz said:
Roger that sir. Thanks. I am looking forward to coming over there at some point, but the sad thing is, i will have to leave my Manix here in the states... :mad: But I am sure i can find a nice swede (female of course) to occupy my time.
As for independence, thats ok i guess.....
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swede

12/11/06
spydermdz said:
Sigurd, sir, I have a gf in Helsingborg. We chat from time to time and she is a very good friend of mine that i hope to see someday if I get stationed in Germany... What part are you from? Oh yea, them Swedish babes... Damn, please dont get me started. I have a "thang" for Swedish gals. Reckon any of them wanna marry an American?
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http://spyderco.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25476&highlight=spydermdz
12/10/06
spydermdz said:
+1 Godspeed man. Stay safe, i just got dumped after 3 years so I wouldnt give her my PC for a thing! haha. God bless!
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dumped again

8/12/06 Here he broke up with her before, no big deal regular young people stuff.
spydermdz said:
my girlfriend of 3 years just broke up with me. just wanted to let everyone who might care, know. please keep me in your prayers and thoughts. i am not heartbroken as i actually thought i would be, but i do miss her in some regards. once again, if you are a religious person, please pray for clark. thanks men. May God bless us all and God Bless America.
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spydermdz said:
Men, I cant express my thanks to all 13 of you whom have responded thus far. I am praying that God grants you all your heart's desires and blesses you all for, if no other reason, being kind enough to take the time to type a message to me during this hard time.

Cara and I had been together for 3 years, she is young. Her parents didnt like me because I am in ROTC, I was in college, and I was with their daughter. Hell of it is, I loved her with all of my heart and was loyal and treated her the best I knew how. She said that she had to break up with me and make herself happy. She said if and when she comes back to me in the future, she will do so after she knows who she really is, wants, etc... I am just going to have to get used to living without her. It will be hard because I loved her more than I loved or cared about anything else, including my Spyderco knives, hard to believe i know... (I am an MBC man, you all know from my posts how I value the chinook and the others) We talked tonite for an hour or so and she is taking it hard. Its not a bad break up (as if any can be good) but I told her not to call me and that she had made the decision to end it so she would have to live with it... I am living with it and with God and my friends, including all of you, I will make it.

So, what have I done? Well I have been selected to do US Army ROTC and I am going to be doing that while I am a graduate student here at ETSU working on my masters degree. I am 22, i have a bachlors degree in Criminology, and am getting my masters, all while I am workingotwards becoming and Lieutenant in the US Army. I am going to do something with my life and invest my entire life in it. God will bless me and give me justice in some way. My faith is in him and I love you all like brothers for what prayers you have sent upstairs for me.

From the bottom of my heart - Thanks,

Clark Tucker
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Then off course another kicker is a thread that mysteriously was deleted but you post was preserved in this thread. One could say I made it up, but why didn't you refute it at the time?

Post #11
Post date 8/10/06
Quote:
Originally Posted by spydermdz
anyone have any information on swedish knife laws? i am going to be going to sweden at some point in the future to see a lovely lady/friend and i was wondering what their laws were pertaining to knives and carry. she didnt know when i asked her. any of the brothers on board have a clue or know where i can get some direction on this?
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http://spyderco.com/forums/showthread.php?t=23316&highlight=spydermdz

My take on this is you are a typical young man in his early 20s keeping one foot in a relationship while the other is firmly planted in the internet flirting and more with girls from all over the world on Myspace and who knows where. You were planning seeing other women even before you announced the weight of your heart to the world. For some reason you jump from forum to forum craving validation, changing your name when the ridicule gets too warm. You've broken up at least three times likely much more. Quit trolling for sympathy for your routine breakups. Either grow up and be faithful or cut loose fornicate like a bunny with anything you can get your hands on.
 
zenheretic said:
For some reason you jump from forum to forum craving validation, changing your name when the ridicule gets too warm. You've broken up at least three times likely much more. Quit trolling for sympathy for your routine breakups. Either grow up and be faithful or cut loose fornicate like a bunny with anything you can get your hands on.
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anim_lol.gif



Men. . . .in military terms, I believe Recon-Spyder-Meshmdz has been ran over by a tank.

deathbytank.gif



:thumbup:
 
Recon,

Sorry to hear about your situation but you sound like a really stand up guy.

I have been with my wife for 5 years through end of ROTC and 3 yrs in the Surface NAVY. The only way I survive is that she takes care of the home front. By that I mean she cares for our son, pays the bills and even lets me buy a knife or gun once in a while. Maturity is what you need in a military spouse. You don't know how many time sailors have come to me with their marital issues - infidelity, family, and finances.

Your wife/GF has to get your back in front of her or your family, and everyone else if you are to succeed in a relationship and the military. If your girl does not posses this quality then it is over before it started...

I was in your situation 2nd year of college and everything worked out for me because I let the 1st immature girl go. Now, I am a dad, I could not imagine the 1st girl as the mother of my son. Good luck to you brother in arms!
 
zenheretic said:
My take on this is you are a typical young man in his early 20s keeping one foot in a relationship while the other is firmly planted in the internet flirting and more with girls from all over the world on Myspace and who knows where. You were planning seeing other women even before you announced the weight of your heart to the world. For some reason you jump from forum to forum craving validation, changing your name when the ridicule gets too warm. You've broken up at least three times likely much more. Quit trolling for sympathy for your routine breakups. Either grow up and be faithful or cut loose fornicate like a bunny with anything you can get your hands on.
Click to expand...

My thoughts on this exactly. Sorry man, you get what you give sometimes.
 
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