WOT: Lying 7 year old

[quietmike]

Did you get to pick your own, too?

i hear that...i sure as hell did. i tried one time to get a thin one....DAMMIT...big mistake.... :thumbdn:

Oh yeah! That was the longest walk back to the house EVER!
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Others have pointed it out, but I want to agree. First spanking is different than beating.The first is sometimes necessary, the second never.
I see spanking as another tool in the toolbox. It shouldn't be the first thing you use, but it's there just in case nothing else works.

My son is 14 now. He went through a stage when he was 4 of lying, backtalking, and general defiance. Talking, grounding, time-out, never really worked for him as he is a bit stubborn (i think he gets it from his mom). A couple of spankings did the trick though. Haven't had to use spankings or really any other discipline since then.

But each child and situation is different, so again, you have my sympathy.

 

[zenheretic]

Wow! Great thread. I have a 1.5 year old, so I'm taking mental notes. You W&S guys are a wise bunch.

 

[C.S. Graves]

But it did make me think, that'll teach the little sob :foot:

Heheh... I rest my case!

But seriously, I remember being a kid, and not listening to my mom sometimes and bein' a complete lil' bastard. Sometimes it took a spankin' or the wooden spoon to get me to pay attention. Either that, or it heightened my childhood evasion techniques.

 

[HotSwat]

My dad only beat me to teach me to fight. When I did something wrong he explained it to me. That is way I was always top of my class. I was trained to be a man not beaten like a horse.

I used to lie. I also used to hang out with a jack ass that used to lie all the time, and I didn't want to be like him, so I tried to stop lying. It was hard until I figured out why I was lying.

I found that people lie because of fear. People are scared of the consequences of their actions. Think about the last time you told a lie.

Your kid needs to learn to confront his fear first and the be brave enough to tell the truth.

 

[bltjr1951]

Well, I lost my grandson twice to the "Humanitarian People" because he would lie about what his dad did to him, spank or hit. His lies finally caught up with him. The school finally figured out he was a liar and was always in trouble. They started calling my son to complain about him. My son told them to complain to the HR people like they did when they thought my son was in the wrong. My grandson is now in Tulsa, in some kind of "home" for kids with problems.
Get your kid to some kind of counselor, now.
BTW, the Texas HR people said all my grandson needed was "love". Till he started to throw his fits with them, then he needed drugs.

 

[chris in mo]

The motivation behind it will determine how to handle it.

When my son was a little younger than your's he got the idea that he could say anything true or not then if caught say I was just kidding and it was a free pass. We explained to him that just kidding is not a permission to lie. That did not stop the tall tales. We reverted back to something we used when he was younger and was biting other kids. We used a little vinegar in the mouth every time he lied. It only took about 3-4 times and he decided the truth was much less distasteful than a lie.

When I addressed motivation above he was not lying in specific circumstances like to avoid getting in trouble etc he was just randomly coming up with things that we knew were not true. We tried something that had worked in the past and it was sucessful in stopping the behavior. If the motivation is to hide behavior etc it may not be as easily adressed.

Obviously each case is different. In ours the biting thing in pre school was a real problem and we had tired multiple things to correct it. A friend mentioned the vinegar thing and that she had heard of it being used at a daycar her sons had attended years before. It worked for us in both the biting and a couple years later in the lying situation.

 

[Fiddleback]

I get real strict when it comes to lying.

1. I take a lot of things away.
2. I assign extra school work.
3. I assign lots of laundry.
4. I make the kid miss meals.

You should see how well it works when they miss meals.

 

[chris in mo]

4. I make the kid miss meals.

You should see how well it works when they miss meals.

For sure. That happened once when my son at about 6 or 7 decided he just could not manage to eat what I had made for dinner. Not something he didn't like just not gonna eat it that night. After asking him a couple times and then letting him know he was not getting his own meal made for him or going to eat anything else it went in the trash. He could not believe that he was going to have to go till morning. "You are going to send you kid to bed with nothing to eat"? I said yes and I'm sure you will be good and ready for breakfast in the morning. It only happened once.

 

[bltjr1951]

"You are going to send you kid to bed with nothing to eat"? I said yes and I'm sure you will be good and ready for breakfast in the morning. It only happened once.

Yep, that was another thing my grandson would tell people at school. That my son was not feeding him, he was "starving", makes the HR people show up at your door real fast.

 

[theedge13]

Well gents, my son's been raking leaves since about 11am. I think he is getting it. I told him tonight he was getting a writing assignment as well. Tomorrow will be the same thing. Next time he lies he understands that he will get a spanking and more work. THank you all so much for the insights. This is the best forum I've been part of. Thanks again,

Chad

 

[dougo83]

My 12 year old daughter just lied for the first time (that I know of) this week to us about her grades. She has ALWAYS been straight A's.

I did spank her up to age about 8, but she received very few because she is really pretty good and after that I don't think it is very effective.

I did take away her cell phone and I POD, she can't go to the 7th grade dance and a few other things.

Her mother is sending her to confession. Not sure that will have much impact.

I sat down and had some "one on one time" and didn't yell, just expressed disappointment. She also has to write me a two page essay on why lying to your parents is damaging. We will discuss in detail when she finishes.

Why does a 12-yr-old need a cell phone? Just curious...I was of the impression that if you can't afford one, you don't need it...

 

[valcas1]

Why does a 12-yr-old need a cell phone? Just curious...I was of the impression that if you can't afford one, you don't need it...

To call her parents and tell them the truth as to where she is at any given moment...

 

[koyote]

I get real strict when it comes to lying.

1. I take a lot of things away.
2. I assign extra school work.
3. I assign lots of laundry.
4. I make the kid miss meals.

You should see how well it works when they miss meals.

I got a couple chuckles out of this, just due to who my son is. We home school and he BEGS for more schoolwork constantly. Granted he's 5, but....

Taking things away from Leif just results in him pouting for 5-10 minutes and then going out to build new stuff!

 

[koyote]

Why does a 12-yr-old need a cell phone? Just curious...I was of the impression that if you can't afford one, you don't need it...

Economic issues aside, times change. It's accepted in many subcultures that a child around that age just will have a cellphone. i don't see a problem with this at all. No, I didn't have one as a child. And my step father was dead set against allowing me to get a ham radio license because he didn't understand it. But, times change. It's not necessarily a bad thing- my kids also have polio shots, which my grandparents didn't have. Times change.

 

[PrimitiveMan]

My 12 year old probably doesn't NEED a cellphone, but she is very involved in ballet. She takes classes 5 - 6 days a week at a school 15 miles away. I like to stay in touch, especially on the weekends. It obviously is more of a social networking tool also. My 16 year old daughter had one at 12 and had hers taken away once for a few days, No problem since. Top of her class and double Varsity letters. She is a good kid.

One thing which has not been discussed is how different children are even though they are raised similarly in the same household. My older daughter is very focused, very organized. My younger one is very creative, completely disorganized. The older one is right handed, left brain, the younger is left handed right brain. Both are straight A students, but the grades come easier to my younger one. She can get away with last minute studying and either gets a 97 or a zero. Without going into the whole psychology of it, I would expect my left hander to lie before my right hander, but will not tolerate either.

Kids are different. Find out what makes yours tick and use it to your advantage.