100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

Prester John said:
Here we are on page (Lucky!) 13, and these made me laugh more than any of the others. And I hate math! :D:D:D
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Glad you enjoyed them, Vince! :cool::thumbsup::) I'm quite fond of the introvert/extrovert one. :p
I wonder if your hatred of math is the reason you liked the jokes so much; you were transferring your detestation for the subject to those who "inflicted" it on you, and enjoyed seeing them portrayed in a less-than-flattering light. Or maybe, depending how locked down you are by government edicts, any sort of entertainment, no matter the quality, is making you giddy! :rolleyes:

Prester John said:
That happened to me in high school. I woke up and slowly raised my head. I heard some giggling, and then noticed that all the students around me were different. And I was in the row furthest from the door. I had to walk right in front of the class to exit. That's when they started to laugh out loud. I slept through two bells.
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At the college, we didn't have any bells to start or end classes, which made it easier to "abuse" sleepers this way.
I really envy your ability to sleep soundly whatever the circumstances, Vince!! :eek::D:thumbsup:

Jack Black said:
Hilarious stories gents! :D When I was at the school, if you fell asleep, the teachers just threw objects at you, and then beat you! :eek:

I knew a guy called Mal years ago, who was a real boozer. He would fall asleep at parties, and be almost completely comatose, then he would just wake up like he hadn't been drinking :rolleyes: While he was asleep, his friends would play a game called Maleroo (after Buckeroo). They'd pile pieces of furniture, and all sorts of random objects on top of him, chanting, "Maleroo!". Often the whole party would be joining in! :D Eventually, he'd wake up underneath this huge pile, but he was used to it :rolleyes:
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Good story, Jack! :D:thumbsup::D
I wonder if it could be adapted into a joke/pun about malware?? :rolleyes:

- GT
 
A duck walks into a bar and ask the bartender for some grapes the bartender says no and the duck leaves. The next day the duck comes back to the bar and ask the bartender if he has any grapes the bartender says "I told you last time we don't have any grapes" so the duck leaves. The third day the ducks comes in and once again ask the bartender if he has any grapes annoyed the bartender yells "No and if you come back asking for grapes I'll nail your feet to the floor" and the duck leaves. The forth day the duck walks in and ask the bartender "Got any nails" the bartender replies "No" so the duck says "Got any grapes".
 
A gentleman, somewhat under the influence, boarded a double-decker bus and sat near the driver whom he pestered with endless remarks. To rid himself of the nuisance, the driver suggested that he would get more air on the upper deck.

The drunk clambered up, but in a few minutes was back again.

"What's the matter?" asked the driver. "Didn't you like it up there?"

"S'fine," replied the drunk, "but it ain't safe--- no driver!"









90833441-tourist-taking-on-a-double-deck-bus-vector-illustration- by Pine Moon, on Flickr
 
5K Qs said:
Glad you enjoyed them, Vince! :cool::thumbsup::) I'm quite fond of the introvert/extrovert one. :p
I wonder if your hatred of math is the reason you liked the jokes so much; you were transferring your detestation for the subject to those who "inflicted" it on you, and enjoyed seeing them portrayed in a less-than-flattering light. Or maybe, depending how locked down you are by government edicts, any sort of entertainment, no matter the quality, is making you giddy! :rolleyes:


At the college, we didn't have any bells to start or end classes, which made it easier to "abuse" sleepers this way.
I really envy your ability to sleep soundly whatever the circumstances, Vince!! :eek::D:thumbsup:


Good story, Jack! :D:thumbsup::D
I wonder if it could be adapted into a joke/pun about malware?? :rolleyes:

- GT
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The introvert/extrovert joke properly belongs to the realm of Norwegian bachelor farmer jokes. In fact, it may well be the only Norwegian Bachelor Farmer joke.
 
Cajun joke

Boudreaux’s last request
Boudreaux was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. It was difficult for him to talk, but he says to his bride, “Marie, will you give me one last request?”

“Of course Boudreaux. Anyting mon cher,” his wife said softly.

“Six months after I die” Boudreaux said, “I wants you to marry Thibodeaux.”

Marie remarks, “But I thought you hated Thibodeaux.”

With his last breath, Boudreaux said, “I do!!!”
 
In his last wills a Massif Central peasant asked each of his 3 sons to drop 5000€ on his coffin when he's buried.
On the funeral's day, the elder son stands a long time before the hole, sighs deeply, fetches a wad of cash and slowly drops 100 50€ notes onto the coffin.
He leaves the place to second son, who sighs deeply, sighs again and finally, tears in the eyes, drops 50 notes of 100€ on to the coffin.
Comes the moment for the third son. Quite smiling, he jumps into the grave, picks up the banknotes and drops a 15000€ check.
 
K33ncutter said:
Cajun joke

Boudreaux’s last request
Boudreaux was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. It was difficult for him to talk, but he says to his bride, “Marie, will you give me one last request?”

“Of course Boudreaux. Anyting mon cher,” his wife said softly.

“Six months after I die” Boudreaux said, “I wants you to marry Thibodeaux.”

Marie remarks, “But I thought you hated Thibodeaux.”

With his last breath, Boudreaux said, “I do!!!”
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When I was in college, I drove for the University's transit department. This was back in Arkansas, and most of the guys working there could best be described as "good ol' boys." One of them was from Louisiana, and he was always telling Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes. I don't remember any of them off the top of my head, but I do remember that most of the ones he told wouldn't have been "Porch appropriate." :D (There wasn't much that was considered off-limits or "not safe for work" at that job.) o_O

There was this other guy who worked there as a mechanic, a grungy old biker type (and just a really strange dude). We were all sitting around the break room before shift change one day, and he was leaning against the counter drinking a cup of coffee. It was quiet, no one was really talking, and all the sudden he just started chuckling to himself. Someone asked him what he was laughing about, and he said, "I just told myself a joke I ain't heard before." :rolleyes: :D
 
btb01 said:
When I was in college, I drove for the University's transit department. This was back in Arkansas, and most of the guys working there could best be described as "good ol' boys." ...

There was this other guy who worked there as a mechanic, a grungy old biker type (and just a really strange dude). We were all sitting around the break room before shift change one day, and he was leaning against the counter drinking a cup of coffee. It was quiet, no one was really talking, and all the sudden he just started chuckling to himself. Someone asked him what he was laughing about, and he said, "I just told myself a joke I ain't heard before." :rolleyes: :D
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This one had me laughing out loud, Barrett! :D:p:thumbsup:

How about if I prove a couple of theorems before I head to bed? Everyone's familiar with proof by contradiction, right? You assume the opposite (negation) of the original statement you want to prove, and show that assumption leads to a contradiction, so you're forced to accept the original statement. The statement has to be either true or not, right?

Theorem: All positive integers are interesting.
Proof:
Assume the contrary. Then there is a lowest non-interesting positive integer. But, hey, that's pretty interesting! A contradiction. Therefore, all positive integers are interesting!

Theorem: All positive integers are boring.
Proof:
Assume the contrary. Then there is a lowest non-boring positive integer. Who cares?? A contradiction. Thus all positive integers are boring!

Wait a minute! My two theorems together make me uneasy.

- GT
 
I'm in thanks, and I've got a riddle for ya.

There once was a family of elephants named the 'Biggers'. There was: mama Bigger, papa Bigger, and baby Bigger.

Q: Of the three, who was the biggest?


A: I took a sight seeing train ride in Jamaica in 1970 with my mom and dad, two older brothers, and my younger sister. The tour guide told the occupants of the train car that riddle, and announced that the prize was the great big bottle of rum he held in his hand. There was much excited chatter, and a few people made some guesses. My father answered the riddle, and explained his answer. He said "baby Bigger, because mama and papa were both pretty big, but the baby was just a little Bigger", and won the bottle of rum. I was six years old, and remember it well. I was awfully proud of my father for being so clever. :D


Congrats Jack, on that very large number of likes!. :thumbsup:
I enjoy your postings. Your involvement here goes a long way towards making the porch as pleasant a place as it is, to hang out with friends, both new and old. :)

Michael
 
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Cutfinger said:
I'm in thanks, and I've got a riddle for ya.

There once was a family of elephants named the 'Biggers'. There was: mama Bigger, papa Bigger, and baby Bigger.

Q: Of the three, who was the biggest?


A: I took a sight seeing train ride in Jamaica in 1970 with my mom and dad, two older brothers, and my younger sister. The tour guide told the occupants of the train car that riddle, and announced that the prize was the great big bottle of rum he held in his hand. There was much excited chatter, and a few people made some guesses. My father answered the riddle, and explained his answer. He said "baby Bigger, because mama and papa were both pretty big, but the baby was just a little Bigger", and won the bottle of rum. I was six years old, and remember it well. I was awfully proud of my father for being so clever. :D


Congrats Jack, on that very large number of likes!. :thumbsup:
I enjoy your postings. Your involvement here goes a long way towards making the porch as pleasant a place as it is, to hang out with friends, both new and old. :)

Michael
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Many thanks Michael, I love hanging out with you guys :) That's a great tale :) :thumbsup:
 
K33ncutter said:
Cajun joke

Boudreaux’s last request
Boudreaux was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. It was difficult for him to talk, but he says to his bride, “Marie, will you give me one last request?”

“Of course Boudreaux. Anyting mon cher,” his wife said softly.

“Six months after I die” Boudreaux said, “I wants you to marry Thibodeaux.”

Marie remarks, “But I thought you hated Thibodeaux.”

With his last breath, Boudreaux said, “I do!!!”
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Nice one.
Nasty, but nice :p




A farmer was going by an insane asylum with a load of fertilizer when one of the inmates hailed him from the wall to ask, "Hey there, what are you going to do with all that fertilizer?"

"Take it home and put it on my strawberries," explained the farmer.

"Humph! We put cream and sugar on ours in here," retorted the nut, "and still they say we're crazy!"







organic-manure-vector-10252039 by Pine Moon, on Flickr
 
Congrats on the impending holiday 100K likes, I’d say I was surprised but I wasn’t. There was a new crew of porch people comin’ up. A nicer, friendlier, family safe section of the forum was the result.

What I really liked was that the humor and sincerity was still evident. The true essence of the members wasn’t sacrificed. (Many of the same people here are the ones I run into in the less strict portions of the forum.)

So I was gonna say, “...not an entry” but I would never dishonor one of your giveaways by doin’ that. Besides how could I ever resist the opportunity to tell a story, post a picture or just do what I like most, talk! ;)

Back in 2006 my daughter got an opportunity most kids would kill for. She got to spend 6 weeks in Hungary and traipsing around Western Europe visiting family and friends.

A complete culture shock for a fast food kid used to living an hour from Manhattan, 2 from the shore and 2 from almost anywhere. Now she went to a rural peasant town unlike anything she’d ever seen here in the US.

So 3 weeks into the trip we’re at my cousin’s house. The last time I’d seen him I was my daughter’s age (15) and the gas crisis had just begun here in the USA. We’re sittin’ drinkin’ Hungarian beer, smokin’ American cigarettes, Marlboro Red, box iirc.

My daughter was playing with her cousins and the chickens on the other side of the fence breeding where we were drinkin’. She interrupts the conversation we were having and asks my cousin what the names of the chickens were?

Just then as his wife brought out a giant plate of fresh southern fried chicken, (yes they eat southern fried chicken in Hungary :D lol) my cousin looked at my daughter and in reply to her question about the names of the chickens, he responded, “Lunch, dinner and supper!”

My daughter took in in stride and with a mouth full of chicken and a big smile she replied, “Well lunch was definitely tasty.”

Not one to miss an opportunity to post a picture of a knife hers on of the past years forum knife, certainly one of my all time favorites.

C37kegCh.jpg


Jack, congratulations my friend and a happy upcoming birthday, stay safe, healthy and as happy as you can stand.

Thanks for the giveaway and good luck to everyone who enters.
 
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