100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

Pinemoon said:
Thanks Jack :)
It's been fun-- a great idea for a GAW amid some unsettling times.
And yes, you are a generous bloke :):thumbsup:


"That man over there," explained the guide to a group of visitors in an asylum, "thinks he's God."

One of the visitors, thinking to get a laugh, approached the man and asked, "is it true, Lord, that you made the world in seven days?"

The man gave him a withering glance and said scornfully, "I'm not in the mood to talk shop!"





vector-of-a-cartoon-looney-guy-in-a-straight-jacket-coloring-page-outline-by-toonaday-23798 by Pine Moon, on Flickr



And I thought this one was good :D:D:p:p

"Everyone buckled up?"
images (2) by Pine Moon, on Flickr
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Thank you my friend, and thank you for your many hilarious contributions :)

K33ncutter said:
An 82 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to the man and said, “You’re really doing great aren’t you?”
The man said, “Just doing what you said, Doc: Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.”
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That nearly had me on the floor Les! :D :thumbsup:

WHT said:
During my professorial period, I gave a fill in the blanks exam. The question was: "Under the Elizabethan Poor Laws, people who couldn't pay their debts were "

One of my students answered, " put in stocks and bonds."
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LOL! :D

I can remember answering a Classical Studies question, "What sort of people went to the Greek theatre?"
Thus: "These were mainly ancient people, if they were alive today, they'd be over 2000 years old."

It didn't go down well! o_O :rolleyes: :D
 
A young lady was chatting with a new acquaintance, and let it be known that she just recently got her drivers license. The acquaintance asked, "Oh, that's great, when did you turn 16?" The young lady answered, "On my birthday, of course!"
 
There have been many modifications to previously-issued policies in the past few weeks, but the only one to which I responded with unbridled enthusiasm was Jack's generous modification to the rules for his GAW!! :thumbsup::cool:;):thumbsup:

Some math jokes with prerequisites are posted below.
To appreciate this joke, you need to know that the square roots of negative numbers are imaginary numbers:
My girlfriend is the square root of –100; she’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

This joke is best if you know a little bit linear algebra (at least cross products), both mathematical and biological meanings of the term vector, and appropriate meanings of the homophones scalar and scaler:
What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?
You can't cross a vector with a scalar.

I love this joke, but you have to know that Mandelbrot is considered the founder of the field of fractal geometry, in which self-similarity across structural levels is a key concept:
What does the middle initial 'B' in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoit B Mandelbrot.

- GT
 
RayseM said:
GT - I'm laughing as to how mathematically dense I am. Thanks for reminding me. :rolleyes:

:D All good :thumbsup: :D In case you haven't heard ~ I lack for nothing; even my deficiencies are complete. ~ ;)
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You're welcome, Ray! :thumbsup::cool::) I think most jokes are really "inside jokes" and thus hard to appreciate if one is not on the "inside", which usually requires some kind of "specialized" knowledge. Even jokes that would be considered hilarious by most people in the USA might fall completely flat in a different culture. Jokes are often funny and always fascinating! :p

- GT
 
5K Qs said:
You're welcome, Ray! :thumbsup::cool::) I think most jokes are really "inside jokes" and thus hard to appreciate if one is not on the "inside", which usually requires some kind of "specialized" knowledge. Even jokes that would be considered hilarious by most people in the USA might fall completely flat in a different culture. Jokes are often funny and always fascinating! :p

- GT
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"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"

"Philip Glass."
 
Here is a true story.

I have two adopted boys who had the same birth mother but different birth fathers. When they were both very young my wife would have them in the cart seat together on the grocery cart while she shopped. One day a lady asked my wife about the boys. My wife mentioned some of the birth details and adoption info and finished by saying that the boys were born only 9 months apart. Without missing a beat the lady asked if the boys were twins. My wife hesitated, and the man with the lady made a bit of a sheepish grin and my wife said, “well they do say children born in the same year are Irish twins, so they’re pretty close.”

Did I ever mention how kind my wife is?
 
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A roll of tarmac walks into a bar. The barman says, "I'm not serving you, you're a cycle-path!"

Helvetica and Arial walk into a bar. The barman says, "Get out, we don't serve your type!"

A man goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself together!" Says the doctor.

A man walks into the doctors. "Doctor, my hands just won't stop shaking!"
"Do you drink much?"
"No, I spill most of it!"

Why did the one-eyed chicken cross the road? To get to the Bird's Eye shop! :eek:

(Nice to re-visit the school playground :rolleyes:)
 
K33ncutter said:
An 82 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later the doctor spoke to the man and said, “You’re really doing great aren’t you?”
The man said, “Just doing what you said, Doc: Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you’ve got a heart murmur. Be careful.”
Click to expand...
Haha!
Good one :p

Jack Black said:
Thank you my friend, and thank you for your many hilarious contributions :)
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You're welcome, Sir :) I enjoy it.


I have to admit, the math jokes are over my head. That's a subject that eludes me. However, being a former carpenter, people are surprised at how well I can manage fractions. I'm a much better writer. I learned that after going back to school. I had a 13 year break between high school and college. I needed a math tutor for every math class and had to switch majors when I saw how I was struggling and the subsequent classes that were ahead. To my surprise I excelled at English/writing and got a degree in English. Six years later, I published a book:

Book Cover front-1 by Pine Moon, on Flickr

I've often thought it's a left-brain / right-brain thing. Most folks either fall into the math camp or the writing one. I think it's a rare bird that possess both. Of course, your mileage may vary :)
 
The artist gazed entranced at the picturesque, bewhiskered old hillbilly, and said:

"I'll give you $5 if you let me paint you."

The man scratched his head and shifted from one leg to the other.

"It's easy money, urged the artist.

"Oh I ain't denyin' that," replied the hillbilly, "but I was just a-wonderin' how in thunder I'd be gittin' the paint off afterwards,"


redneck-vector-11 by Pine Moon, on Flickr

No offense David @Misplaced Hillbilly !
:D
 
A few Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey that always make me laugh...

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled up tobacco leaves.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

When I found the skull in the woods, the first thing I did was call the police. But then I got curious about it. I picked it up, and started wondering who this person was, and why he had deer horns.
 
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