100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

AnW said:
I'm in, thanks for the generous opportunity. Here's mine ...

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

Unfortunately, even though I grew up in a very remote area and spend much of my free time in the outdoors this is true about me.

One year in fact, I was hunting and was fortunate enough to harvest a deer. I dressed the deer and began the arduous process of dragging it to my camp. I crossed the path of someone else dragging a deer and thought they too had a successful hunt. A bit later I came to an area where two people had been dragging a deer. After much consideration I realized it was all me, dragging my harvest in circles in the woods. Thank goodness GPS technology has advanced!
Click to expand...

Oh blimey! :D I'm glad you made it in the end! :) :thumbsup:
 
Thanks for the chance, Jack. Here is my mom's favorite joke.

Joe shows up at work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His friend says, "What happened to you?" Joe tells him, "At church yesterday when we stood up to sing a hymn, the lady in the pew in front of me had her dress stuck up in the crack of her bum. So I reached over and pulled it out for her . . . and she turned around and punched me in the eye." His friend responds, "I can see that, but how about the second black eye?" Joe says, "Well, I figured she wanted it there, so when we stood up for the next hymn, I tucked it back in for her!" :D

And this is the very first joke I ever remember hearing, I think in first grade. Why do boys run faster than girls? Because they have two ball bearings and a stick shift. :cool:
 
In,Thanks! Back in the early 70s a boss of mine told me he's cutting out for a long lunch break with his wife should anyone ask. Maybe 30 minutes later a lady cals wanting to speak to him. Sorry Maam, he's not available. Sir he should be there .check again. Oh no Ma'am took off with his Wife can I take a message? Damn right she says , tell him his Wife called!
 
MEMORY CLINIC
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when
one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic
you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest
psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc.
It was great."

"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!"

He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory
clinic?
 
Finally lost my cool today. Was shopping in Crest (Oklahoma grocery store chain) and saw a dude whose cart was FULL to the brim with hand sanitizer, baby wipes, liquid soap, and toilet paper.

Called him a selfish asshole and gave him the lowdown about the elderly, people with kids, and disabled people who need these items. Told him I ought to stomp a mudhole in his ass.

He said: “Are you done? Because I really need to get back to restocking the shelves now!!"

I'm in … thanks, we all need some humor right now. Stay home if you can, prayers if you can't.
 
K33ncutter said:
MEMORY CLINIC
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when
one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic
you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest
psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc.
It was great."

"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!"

He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory
clinic?
Click to expand...

LOL! :D That's a good one Les! :D :thumbsup:

kamagong said:
I'm in. As for the joke --

Some people aren't shaking hands because of the coronavirus. I'm not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper.

:confused:

Click to expand...

Very topical Kevin :D Funny vid too :D :thumbsup:

Chief said:
Finally lost my cool today. Was shopping in Crest (Oklahoma grocery store chain) and saw a dude whose cart was FULL to the brim with hand sanitizer, baby wipes, liquid soap, and toilet paper.

Called him a selfish asshole and gave him the lowdown about the elderly, people with kids, and disabled people who need these items. Told him I ought to stomp a mudhole in his ass.

He said: “Are you done? Because I really need to get back to restocking the shelves now!!"

I'm in … thanks, we all need some humor right now. Stay home if you can, prayers if you can't.
Click to expand...

Hilarious John! :D It reminds me of being in a big supermarket a couple of Christmases ago. I was shopping for whisky in the booze section, when an old lady accosted a young man and demanded to know why there wasn't a particular type of brandy in stock. A bit flummoxed, he replied, "Oh, I don't know." The old girl went on, "It's disgraceful, you didn't have any last year. What do you mean, you don't know, why don't you know?" At which point he told her that it was because he didn't work there :rolleyes: :D :thumbsup:

Thanks for your entries everyone, and for making me laugh, and hopefully some other folks too :) :thumbsup:
 
I'm in.
If I win, I'll keep it.

Bob: What are those holes in the wood?
Bing: Those are knot holes.
Bob: Well if they are not holes, what are they?

I'll always remember that one, because when I was a kid I read it to my dad and a fellow philosophy professor of his, and they just looked at me.. Couldn't even say they stared. Just looked.
 
The World Health Organization announced today that research has proven that dogs do not spread Covid 19 and that those dogs that have been kept kenneled can now be released. My local news headline was, "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!" :D

Thanks Jack I'm in and congratulations for being such a likeable guy.:)
 
Chief said:
Finally lost my cool today. Was shopping in Crest (Oklahoma grocery store chain) and saw a dude whose cart was FULL to the brim with hand sanitizer, baby wipes, liquid soap, and toilet paper.

Called him a selfish asshole and gave him the lowdown about the elderly, people with kids, and disabled people who need these items. Told him I ought to stomp a mudhole in his ass.

He said: “Are you done? Because I really need to get back to restocking the shelves now!!"

I'm in … thanks, we all need some humor right now. Stay home if you can, prayers if you can't.
Click to expand...
I laughed out loud. :D:thumbsup:
 
Jack, I’d love to play.


I was in the grocery store the other day and saw the most beautiful blond girl I’d ever seen. She was standing there just staring at a container of orange juice. I asked her what she was doing, she replied “sshhh, it says concentrate”.
 
I've never entered a giveaway before. But I've also never owned a Sheffield made knife.... Count me in for this one.

Have you heard about the petite psychic that escaped from jail the other day? The authorities have issued an APB for a small medium at large.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top