100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

A barmen is working behind the bar when all of a sudden the door flies open and a guy rushes in and screams
"Quick! Everybody!! Big Jake's a-coming!!"

Instantly there's pandamonium! People run out the door, jump through the windows and dive out the fire escapes. The barman is left standing there all on his own wondering "who the hell's Big Jake?".
Then suddenly he sees a shadow loom up in front of the pub. It gets bigger...and Bigger...and BIGGER. The door slowly opens and the first thing that comes through is the biggest arm he's ever seen. Then a shoulder bigger than ox's. Then the guy's head squeezes through followed by the rest of him. This man is MASSIVE. Arms like tree trunks, hands like bucket shovels, a neck like a beer barrel he has to hunch over to fit under the ceiling. He's covered in tattoo's and scars and has the look of he devil etched across his grizzeled face. He saunters up to the bar.

"BEER!! NOW!!" He booms.
The barman is quaking in fear and is barely able to pour the pint. The guy picks up the pint that's like a thimble in his hand and downs it like it was a sip of water.

"A-a-a-another....d-d-d-drink...s-s-sir...?" the barman stammers.

Instantly the man goes deathly pale and a look of abject fear crosses his face.

"Are you kidding???!!" He replies. "Haven't you heard?!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"BIG JAKE'S A-COMING!!!!"

Good to hear your top dog Jack! :D Mine isn't an entry but the idea for jokes is top. :thumbsup:
 
donn said:
A barmen is working behind the bar when all of a sudden the door flies open and a guy rushes in and screams
"Quick! Everybody!! Big Jake's a-coming!!"

Instantly there's pandamonium! People run out the door, jump through the windows and dive out the fire escapes. The barman is left standing there all on his own wondering "who the hell's Big Jake?".
Then suddenly he sees a shadow loom up in front of the pub. It gets bigger...and Bigger...and BIGGER. The door slowly opens and the first thing that comes through is the biggest arm he's ever seen. Then a shoulder bigger than ox's. Then the guy's head squeezes through followed by the rest of him. This man is MASSIVE. Arms like tree trunks, hands like bucket shovels, a neck like a beer barrel he has to hunch over to fit under the ceiling. He's covered in tattoo's and scars and has the look of he devil etched across his grizzeled face. He saunters up to the bar.

"BEER!! NOW!!" He booms.
The barman is quaking in fear and is barely able to pour the pint. The guy picks up the pint that's like a thimble in his hand and downs it like it was a sip of water.

"A-a-a-another....d-d-d-drink...s-s-sir...?" the barman stammers.

Instantly the man goes deathly pale and a look of abject fear crosses his face.

"Are you kidding???!!" He replies. "Haven't you heard?!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"BIG JAKE'S A-COMING!!!!"

Good to hear your top dog Jack! :D Mine isn't an entry but the idea for jokes is top. :thumbsup:
Click to expand...

Thanks David, well told :) :thumbsup:
 
What do you call a deer that has no eyes?
No eye deer.

Did you hear about the new "Divorced Barbie Doll"?
She comes will all of Ken's stuff.


Thanks Jack and congrats on 100k likes - the Porch is a place of a lot of likes, and great jokes - I have had several here already that had me laughing out loud.

best

mqqn
 
The flight attendant on a Westjet flight told this one. She said "it is a knock knock joke so your guys have to start". About half of the passengers loudly piped up,"Knock, knock". There was nothing but stunned silence when the flight attendant answered "Who's there?". I know, doesn't sound all that funny, but, it was at the time (I wasn't one of the ones who said knock, knock).
I have tried this one on all my grandchildren and many other kids and have yet to get a young child to fall for it.

I am in, thanks Jack, good idea for a thread.
 
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