100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

I'm in .... here's one that I bet nobody has heard

Whats red & white & can't get through a revolving door ??

....

...

wait for it ....

...

...

...

A guy with a javelin through his head


... I heard that one circa 1982 & it brings me back to stupid high school humor every time I think of it
 
danno50 said:
The flight attendant on a Westjet flight told this one. She said "it is a knock knock joke so your guys have to start". About half of the passengers loudly piped up,"Knock, knock". There was nothing but stunned silence when the flight attendant answered "Who's there?". I know, doesn't sound all that funny, but, it was at the time (I wasn't one of the ones who said knock, knock).
I have tried this one on all my grandchildren and many other kids and have yet to get a young child to fall for it.

I am in, thanks Jack, good idea for a thread.
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I’m willing to be the joke myself, because I had to read it 3 times before I figured it out:confused::confused::D
 
Very generous. I'm in, if you don't mind.

A hillbilly couple went to see the doc about getting the hubby "fixed" after they already had 9 kids.
Doc says "I'll be happy to do the procedure for you." and asks "Why are you making this decision now, after nine children?"
The husband says
"Well, we read the other day that one out of ten kids born in the US today speaks Spanish. Me and the wife ... we don't speak Spanish."




(Apologies to any hillbillies that may be present.)
 
Chief said:
Finally lost my cool today. Was shopping in Crest (Oklahoma grocery store chain) and saw a dude whose cart was FULL to the brim with hand sanitizer, baby wipes, liquid soap, and toilet paper.

Called him a selfish asshole and gave him the lowdown about the elderly, people with kids, and disabled people who need these items. Told him I ought to stomp a mudhole in his ass.

He said: “Are you done? Because I really need to get back to restocking the shelves now!!"

I'm in … thanks, we all need some humor right now. Stay home if you can, prayers if you can't.
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That one made me laugh out loud...a gem!
 
Apologies in advance to Kipling...

Rice is for the mistress -- canned goods for the maid --
Bottled water for the masses panting in the shade."
"Good!" said the Baron, sitting in his hall,
"But Paper -- Toilet Paper -- is master of them all."

o_O
 
RayseM said:
There you go Jack buying more likes :rolleyes: Geez , have you no humility o_O

:D Absolutely kidding, of course. I'll catch up with you in another 20 years and 94,000 likes. Meanwhile, thanks for all the things you do for us here on BF and thanks for yet another opportunity to get mail. :thumbsup:

I'm in - maybe not with this post but I'll do a proper entry over the weekend. This will be an extra fun GAW.
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In just ONLY 20 years Ray ?...That’s it ? o_O
Um... I don’t know man ... :confused:
You may have grossly overestimated how likable you are ;)

:D it's a JOKE :D
.... (but I did like your post so now you are only 93,999 likes away from your goal :cool:)
 
So I've been paying my neighbor kid to scoop the poop in the back yard. Neighbor kid gets a little money and I get to avoid the unpleasant task of cleaning it up and have a clean back yard. After a month or so...he finally asked me why he never saw my dog...
I replied, what dog?????

He stared at me......I stared at him...... he quit.....and his parents are angry at me...... I can't understand why...a man ought to be able to poop in his own yard if he wants........ Right??







In for the contest......


Oh, and my kids did not appreciate that joke....they are the ones who clean up after our dog for real...
 
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OH Dan CelloDan CelloDan - now I really feel bad. I was teasing you too. :) This thread is all about laughing.
English is my second language too. I grew up to the age of 6 speaking French but then had it driven out of me when I started school and now I am woefully inadequate as a French speaker and certainly no longer dream in French. Domage, n'est-ce pas :(
 
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits at the bar slowly drinking, he reaches into one coat pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. From his other coat pocket, a tiny man no bigger than a ruler. The little man begins to play the most beautiful composition on the piano.
"That's amazing!" exclaims the bartender. "Where did you get him?" The customer produces a lamp, and explains the genie inside granted him one wish. The bartender asks to try for himself. "Okay," says the man, "but be careful what you wish for."
The bartender rubs the lamp, and out comes a magnificent genie. "I will grant you any wish you desire" says the genie. The bartender thinks for a moment, then says "alright, I wish for a million bucks!"
Suddenly the bar is filled to the rafters with ducks, spilling out the door and into the street. The bartender stares angrily at the man and says "that's the worst genie ever!"
The man replies, "you ain't kidding! You think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"

I'm in, Jack! Congrats on the 100K likes! Thanks for being such a great guy on this here porch!
 
I'm not very good at jokes but I do like biographies. Why, the other day I was reading up on Gandhi, and I found out some interesting facts about him. For instance, he never wore shoes, so his feet were incredibly hard and rough. In addition to this poor nutrition left him quite frail and wracked by bad breath.
So I guess you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

:)
 
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