100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

Great idea for a GAW thanks for the opportunity. I'm in for sure. So a man walks into a bar and orders 3 beer. Once they arrive he proceeds to take a drink out of each bottle until there gone. He then pays thanks the bartender and leaves. The same guy walks in the next night and ask again for 3 beer and does the same thing. So when he goes to leave the bartender ask him why he's doing what he's doing. The guy explains "Me and my 2 brothers used to always drink beer together up until they both had to leave town to find work so we promised each other we'd drink a beer for each of us just like the old days." So with the bartenders curiosity satisfied things fell into a raguler routine for months until one night the guy walks in looking a bit glum as he orders only 2 beer. Oh I'm sorry for your loss says the bartender. Oh no my brothers are both fine I just promised the wife I'd quit drinking.:( :D ;)
 
Thanks again for all the jokes folks, I thought I'd weigh in with a couple of my own weak efforts :rolleyes:

I was in town last week, when things seemed relatively normal, it was a lovely warm day, and so I was surprised to see a young man standing in the middle of the street wearing a parka. Even stranger was that the hood of the parka kept sort of jigging about. I was very intrigued by this and got a bit closer to him. The hood kept sort of moving about, as if by its own accord. Then someone stepped up and put a few coins in the hood. People started to watch what was happening. The guy in the parka was just standing there smiling, but behind him the hood kept jumping around, up and down, and from side to side. From time to time other people stepped up and put money in the hood. I really didn’t know what to make of it. After a while of watching, I approached him and said Hello.

“That’s an interesting hood you’ve got there mate”, I said, “and you seem to have made a bit of money there.”

“Sure pal”, replied the feller, “I do OK.”

Very strange, I thought it seemed to be some sort of act, and I asked him if he made a living out of it.

“Yes mate”, replied the bloke, “It’s my livelihood.” ;)
 
An old gunslinger is sitting at the bar in a Wild West town, when a young man approaches him.

“Hey old timer”, says the younger feller, “Can I buy you a drink?”

The old man nods, and the bartender pours him another shot.

“I don’t mean to intrude sir”, says the young man, “but I heard you’re the oldest gunslinger in these here parts.” The older man cocks an eyebrow, and the youngster continues. “I’m a bit of a gunslinger myself, and I was wondering if you could perhaps give me a few tips.”

“Sure son”, says the old gunslinger. “Buy me another drink, and I’ll be glad to help.”

The young gun nods to the bar man again, and he pours another shot.

“Well first let me see your gun”, says the old guy.

The young man hands him his Colt, and the old feller studies it, cocks the hammer, spins the cylinder, and puts it close to his ear.

“Well, you see this pin here son”, says the old man, “that needs just a fraction filing off it.”

“Thanks sir”, says the young gunslinger, and he takes his gunslinger’s tool-roll out of his saddle-bag and rolls it out on the bar. He removes a needle-file, and while the bartender is pouring the old man another shot, he sets to work on the pin. Just a few strokes on the pin in question are all that is required, and putting the file back into his tool-roll, the young gun fires off a shot from his Colt. Faster than lightning, the bullet goes straight across the room and shoots the bow-tie off the piano player.

“Wow, thank you sir”, says the youngster. “That’s really made a difference, can I buy you another drink?”

The bar-keep pours another shot, and the young man continues, “And have you any more tips?”

The old gunslinger drinks the shot, and looks the younger man up and down. Then he says, “See your holster, try dropping it down lower, just a few inches.”

The youngster adjusts his belt so the holster sits real low down on his hip. He stands upright and quickly draws, firing off a shot which, this time, shoots off the piano-player’s cufflinks.

“Hey”, says the youngster. “That’s the fastest I’ve ever drawn. Thank you sir. Please, if you give me any more advice I’d be happy to pay for your drinks the rest of the night.”

The barman pours another shot, and the old gunslinger drinks it down.

“Leave the bottle bar-keep”, says the young gunslinger.

The old gunslinger turns and looks at the younger feller, he ponders a while, then says, “See that Colt, what you need to do is cover it in grease.”

“Any particular kind of grease?” The young man asks.

“Nope”, says the old guy. “Any kind of grease you can find will do.”

“OK”, says the young gun, “and where should I put the grease?”

“Oh, says the old timer, “Cover the whole thing, from the barrel right down to the butt.”

“The whole thing?” Says the young gunslinger. “Won’t that make it kind of slippery and hard to get a grip of?”

“Yes son”, says the old feller, as he raises his glass to his lips, “It probably will.”

“Then why would I do that?” The young man asks.

“Because when Wyatt Earp finishes playing that piano...”
 
Just to give a little encouragement, I thought I'd post a teaser pic (I'll take more photos when we get to the draw). All the A. Wright & Son knives are new, and mostly made a couple of years back, when quality was a little better than it is currently, and I've added some older knives from my collection too :thumbsup:

yqhZIPe.jpg


There's large and medium SFO Lambsfoot knives with ebony covers, a Clip-point with Pere David stag covers, an Ettrick with rosewood covers (managed to find that one), a Sheepsfoot with rosewood covers, a Pruner with buffalo horn, and a Spearpoint with rosewood. There's a Budding/Grafting Knife by C.H. Richards, a TEW Serpentine Jack, a large Wharncliffe by Meeson, and Penknives by Thomas Turner, Harrison Fisher, John Wigfall, Joseph Elliott, Wright Brothers.
 
5K Qs said:
This has been my favorite joke for 20 years or more, probably, because it's such a great illustration of our postmodern society and the way we see ourselves compared to the way we see others, individualism versus all sorts of other ISMs (tribalism, racism, sexism, ageism, etc.). Shoot, the ideas underlying this joke probably make me kind of pessimistic about whether we as a society are even capable of "flattening the curve" in the current crisis.

A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said, “I’m so glad to see you! We have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper said, “Why would you name a drink ‘Bob’?”

And here's another of my favorite "_____ walked into a bar" jokes with no societal implications, but it does require familiarity with the phrase Cogito ergo sum or some translation thereof:

Descartes walked into a bar. The bartender said, “Good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?". Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.

- GT
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- blimmin' 'eck, Jack............ :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

'that' many likes - and well deserved :D

Only just come on this thread, will scour my tired grey matter for a joke and get back

CONGRATULATIONS !!
 
Chui said:
- blimmin' 'eck, Jack............ :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

'that' many likes - and well deserved :D

Only just come on this thread, will scour my tired grey matter for a joke and get back

CONGRATULATIONS !!
Click to expand...

Thanks Paul :thumbsup:
 
Jack Black said:
Just to give a little encouragement, I thought I'd post a teaser pic (I'll take more photos when we get to the draw). All the A. Wright & Son knives are new, and mostly made a couple of years back, when quality was a little better than it is currently, and I've added some older knives from my collection too :thumbsup:

yqhZIPe.jpg


There's large and medium SFO Lambsfoot knives with ebony covers, a Clip-point with Pere David stag covers, an Ettrick with rosewood covers (managed to find that one), a Sheepsfoot with rosewood covers, a Pruner with buffalo horn, and a Spearpoint with rosewood. There's a Budding/Grafting Knife by C.H. Richards, a TEW Serpentine Jack, a large Wharncliffe by Meeson, and Penknives by Thomas Turner, Harrison Fisher, John Wigfall, Joseph Elliott, Wright Brothers.
Click to expand...
Wow Jack, that's literally a lot of knives.
My interest is piqued :)

Jack Black said:
This song always makes me smile :D :thumbsup:

Click to expand...
Yes, Woody is great. One of my all-time favorite singers :thumbsup:
He influenced so many....



The congressman's wife shook her sleeping husband vigorously.
"Wake up, John," she whispered excitedly, "there's a robber in the house."

"Nonsense, my dear," he said, sleepily.
"In the Senate, yes, but in the House, never."
 
Two well-liquored men wandered into a dance hall and asked for the cloakroom.
They were told to take the second door to the left and go down two steps.
But the first took the second door to the right, stepped into the elevator shaft, and fell three stories to the basement.

The second drunk stuck his head in the door and called, "Hey what you doing down there?"

"Hanging up my hat," came the faint response. "But watch that first step-- it's a lulu!"




Dazed_tnb by Pine Moon, on Flickr
 
Heh, Metonymy and Synecdoche, forgot all about that one, it's good. But let's go back to 3rd grade.....

We already visited the sound of an exploding sheep in an earlier post (sissss....boom....BAAAHHHH), which any Bugs Bunny fan will know. But have you heard:

What sound does a young exploding sheep make? B-LAMB!

And what do you say after a sheep explodes nearby, leaving a big mess? EWE! I admit that one you have to sound these 2 out to make sense, but sometimes you have to work for a punchline.
 
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