A Shot from the Snark-ebus

[gytheran]

DERAIL!

What the hell is the Tracker Pack(kinda already know this part) and why the hell are they cult-like creepy as $%^&?

Ask a question about their "beloved knife" and they turn into insecure school kids who just had their Wheeties pissed in... what the hell?

/Back to your regularly scheduled snarking...

 

[worldwood]

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn’t! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him “How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who you are!”

At this the Texan drawled “Well ma’am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends.”

 

[worldwood]

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many children she has?

"Ten boys."

"And their names?"

"Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, and Leroy."

"All named Leroy? Why would you name them all Leroy?"

"That way, when I wants them all to come in from the yard, I just yells 'LEROY!', and when I wants them all to come to dinner, I just yells 'LEROY!'"

"What if you just want a particular one of them to do something?"

"Then I calls him by his last name.

 

[worldwood]

And ill add this last one about dogs since its a hot topic at the moment HAHA

DOG PET PEEVES ABOUT HUMANS

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.

3. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)

5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my arse on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.

11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.

15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the visible fence problem!!

 

[granitestateofmind]

Keep 'em coming, WW.

 

[gytheran]

15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the visible fence problem!!

I, if I may, beg to differ...

[video=youtube_share;xm6MbBZehdM]http://youtu.be/xm6MbBZehdM[/video]

 

[Murphnuge]

DERAIL!

What the hell is the Tracker Pack(kinda already know this part) and why the hell are they cult-like creepy as $%^&?

Ask a question about their "beloved knife" and they turn into insecure school kids who just had their Wheeties pissed in... what the hell?

/Back to your regularly scheduled snarking...

I'm guessing you played over at BCUSA today? Stay on the right side of the tracks and you won't have that problem. Damn it, now I've gotta go see what you stirred up.

 

[gytheran]

yea...

Not a lot... it was a couple days ago. I didn't say anything bad about the thing, but I was curious why they had a 230 page stuck thread in the knife forum for just 1 knife...

Well, I thought I would be getting a different crowd over there as opposed to the usual person of the Gen forum here. I may have been wrong...

 

[Murphnuge]

yea...

Not a lot... it was a couple days ago. I didn't say anything bad about the thing, but I was curious why they had a 230 page stuck thread in the knife forum for just 1 knife...

Well, I thought I would be getting a different crowd over there as opposed to the usual person of the Gen forum here. I may have been wrong...

That "knife" is a very polarizing tool.

 

[worldwood]

Keep 'em coming, WW.

No problem

I, if I may, beg to differ...

[video=youtube_share;xm6MbBZehdM]http://youtu.be/xm6MbBZehdM[/video]

I use to have a boxer that would climb fences just like that. Never when i wanted it to, Always when i didnt want it to lol.


Since we have people from all over here i thought this one was pretty funny....

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

isnt the World Great!


If anyone ever has any issues with me posting jokes please just let me know and ill stop.. i dont want anyone upset they have to scroll past them or thinking im just trying to boost my post count... trust me i dont need jokes for that LMAO. And for reference I get my jokes from a buddy on the swamp rat forum, and I post the ones that make me laugh over here in hopes to share a little laughter with my fellow beckerheads.

 

[worldwood]

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout in a bucket. He is approached by a Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I was not fishing and I did not catch these browns, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and dump these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I'm ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home. The officer not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the trout back into the water.

The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into the bucket."

The fisherman turns to the officer and says, "What fish?"

 

[cbwoods67]

All these damn dog photos are making really want to get a puppy.

That will work. BTW, it will be black on the inside and on the edges regardless, because that's just how I roll. I think it looks cool that way and anyone who don't like it can make their own damn sheath.

Sounds good to me.:thumbup:

The anticipation is starting to get to me.

By the way, does the email through your profile get checked regularly? I have a question.

 

[james terrio]

What the hell is the Tracker Pack(kinda already know this part) and why the hell are they cult-like creepy as $%^&?

I have no idea. I can only assume that this mythical group exists on some other forum... which naturally begs the question... WTF? There are other forums?!?

Cults are weird. Someone started one on my behalf (completely without my knowledge or authorization), but it has not taken off nearly as much as I might have hoped... if I had anything to do with running it. Which I don't.

I am still waiting for vast crowds of gullible human beans to turn over their wives and life-savings and other items of value to me. Not holdin' my breath, but hey... ya never know.

 

[The Warrior]

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn’t! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.

About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him “How dare you touch my body!! I don’t even know who you are!”

At this the Texan drawled “Well ma’am normally I would agree with you but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends.”

An Arkansas woman is in the welfare office filling out forms. The welfare officer asks her how many children she has?

"Ten boys."

"And their names?"

"Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, Leroy, and Leroy."

"All named Leroy? Why would you name them all Leroy?"

"That way, when I wants them all to come in from the yard, I just yells 'LEROY!', and when I wants them all to come to dinner, I just yells 'LEROY!'"

"What if you just want a particular one of them to do something?"

"Then I calls him by his last name.

And ill add this last one about dogs since its a hot topic at the moment HAHA

DOG PET PEEVES ABOUT HUMANS

1. When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.

2. Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.

3. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!

4. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)

5. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?

6. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.

7. Yelling at me for rubbing my arse on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.

9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.

11. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

12. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

13. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.

14. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.

15. Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the visible fence problem!!

No problem



I use to have a boxer that would climb fences just like that. Never when i wanted it to, Always when i didnt want it to lol.


Since we have people from all over here i thought this one was pretty funny....

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

isnt the World Great!


If anyone ever has any issues with me posting jokes please just let me know and ill stop.. i dont want anyone upset they have to scroll past them or thinking im just trying to boost my post count... trust me i dont need jokes for that LMAO. And for reference I get my jokes from a buddy on the swamp rat forum, and I post the ones that make me laugh over here in hopes to share a little laughter with my fellow beckerheads.

After a day fishing on Lake Michigan, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout in a bucket. He is approached by a Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I was not fishing and I did not catch these browns, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and dump these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I'm ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home. The officer not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the trout back into the water.

The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into the bucket."

The fisherman turns to the officer and says, "What fish?"

You guys are way more patient than I am, if you read all that, haha.

 

[cbwoods67]

You guys are way more patient than I am, if you read all that, haha.

I read the short ones.

Got a pretty good chuckle out of them.

Thanks for sharing ww.

 

[worldwood]

You guys are way more patient than I am, if you read all that, haha.

Ill see about getting Morgan Freeman to narrate next time...... This time they only had Gilbert Gottfried available, and no one wants that.

 

[The Warrior]

This time they only had Gilbert Gottfried available, and no one wants that.

Has to be one of the most annoying voices on the planet. How the hell some of these people become famous is beyond me.

 

[worldwood]

Has to be one of the most annoying voices on the planet. How the hell some of these people become famous is beyond me.

I agree, His voice is too annoying for anything he says to be funny..... if i sounded like that my ears would jump off my head, grab one of my knives, and cut my tongue out.

 

[james terrio]

By the way, does the email through your profile get checked regularly?

Yes, it (james@terrioknives.com) gets checked nearly every day. I very much prefer that folks email me rather than pm me, because it's far easier to sort and archive stuff that way.

I have a question.

I have an answer. Let's throw 'em together and see if they match up! No guarantees, but it's worth a try.

Ill see about getting Morgan Freeman to narrate next time...... This time they only had Gilbert Gottfried available, and no one wants that.

I'm no Morgan Freeman (not enough freckles), but I was once advised by the top district sales manager at the biggest media outlet in Central Wisconsin, that I should hire myself out as a "voice actor" and/or announcer, due to the soothing dulcet tones of my natural baritone speaking voice and my ability to, y'know, read out loud. Sadly, I turned to knifemaking instead... it has been all downhill from there. Steel is a cruel mistress, indeed.

One wonders what might have been...

 

[bigghoss]

That "knife" is a very polarizing tool.

So are the people that own it!