Best "You might Be A Redneck If . . . " Joke Of All Time?

A City lawyer went duck hunting in Redneck country.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a Redneck's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an old man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."

The old Redneck replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!

The old Redneck smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things out here in the country. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the three-Kick Rule?" The Redneck replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The City lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old Redneck. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old Redneck slowly walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the City lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The lawyer was flat on his belly when the Redneck's third kick to his kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The City lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."

The old Redneck smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
 
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Lexi said:
I love watching bug zappers and listening to the sizzle of the little bug bodies. The 6-pack makes it even more enjoyable!:thumbup: Not even kidding.:D
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Well, usually a twelve pack will work better ;)
 
Tom Kanik said:
Pokey, I just KNEW you were destined for greatness!!!:D:thumbup::thumbup:
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Tom, greatness is my middle name :cool: Have you ever watched a bug zapper before??? It has a calming effect :D Now that I think of it, that might have been the booze.....
 
your gal has a tattoo of a seashell on her inner thigh,so you can smell the ocean when you put yer ear on it
 
If you think "Old Yeller" is a movie about your uncle's tooth.
If you know what "Joggin in a Jug" is.
 
:D
Pokey1 said:
Tom, greatness is my middle name :cool: Have you ever watched a bug zapper before??? It has a calming effect :D Now that I think of it, that might have been the booze.....
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Oh that Pokey, she is so crazy!
 
DRodent said:
A City lawyer went duck hunting in Redneck country.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a Redneck's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an old man asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it."

The old Redneck replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything!

The old Redneck smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things out here in the country. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the three-Kick Rule?" The Redneck replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The City lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old Redneck. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old Redneck slowly walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the City lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The lawyer was flat on his belly when the Redneck's third kick to his kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The City lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."

The old Redneck smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
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I like this one a lot :)
 
mrdavidross321 said:
you might be a redneck, if your favorite truck is a Ford convertible
320797_279636478714516_100000044994422_1234224_1088897599_n.jpg
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Now that wouldn't happen to be a Walmart would it? :D

I am from northwestern Harford County, MD, that's Hazard County to the locals. Just over the Mason Dixon line in Pennsylvania, is a spot called Delta, where the locals must not realize they're in the North ;). Lots of Bigfoot tales from up there, up there Bigfoot wears a truckers hat and totes a shotgun. Must have to do with living too close to a power plant...

My favorite Jeff Foxworthy is from one of the tours with Larry the Cable Guy.

Pointing to Larry "If you're related to this man, you might be a redneck!" (Yep, Larry was all smiles).
 
If your date hollers, "Daddy, get off me, your crushin' my cigarettes!"

If you've ever lost a riding lawnmower through the ice, you might be a northern Redneck.

If your doorbell is a hound dog and a yard full of guinea hens.
 
mhawg said:
If you've ever lost a riding lawnmower through the ice, you might be a northern Redneck.
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How else do you get the snow off the ice to play hockey?

Besides the ice is thawed way before the grass needs cut in the spring, so you can just pull it back out when you need it


Garth
 
If the sound of a zipper will cause a stampede in your neighborhood........................
 
If you take an empty detergent box and two rolls of toilet paper on a stick to a college football game...
 
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