Best "You might Be A Redneck If . . . " Joke Of All Time?

If you are looking for your next wife at the family reunion.....

If your 8 year old kid runs up to you and yells " UNCLE-DADDY , can I have another beer ???????????"
 
When a bushy takes his new bride to a city hotel and is asked if he would like the bridle.

And his reply is nah, I’ll just hold her by the ears until she quieten’s down some.
 
If your front porch happens to collaspe and more than 3 dogs are killed, you might be a redneck.
 
If you piss off the edge of the deck so often that the grass is dead and has that stinky smell.
 
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, S#!+head?"

Way to go Jerry, this thread is the way to kick off the Holiday Season!!! I'm sitting here with staples in my gut trying not to laugh but OMG I needed this.:thumbup::D
 
If you chew mint flavored tobacco.

If you use a combat knife to open up a letter

If you see Jesus in perishable food products
 
You might be a redneck if:

"You have ever used your urine stream to scour a toilet bowl."

"You have ever put a padlock on a Styrofoam beer cooler."

"You have ever lost a dog in a divorce decree."

"You have ever agreed to throw in the bungee cord , to hold down the trunk lid, while selling a car."

"You have used spray paint to tint the windows of your "GOING TO CHURCH CAR."

"You have used a chainsaw to decide who gets which half of the furniture in a divorce settlement."

I got more....Did you enjoy these?

Shane
 
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