favorite quotes or analogies

RescueRiley

RescueRiley

Joined
Mar 22, 2006
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When I was a kid I can remember my dady using some pretty humerous analogies such as "that guy is as dumb as a bag of hammers" or "that's as uselsess as teats on a bull" or as crazy as a "sh**t house rat" I was wondering if anyone else had anything like that they wanted to post for public consumption, also any quotes that you feel like sharing....I have alot but i'll have to think of them and fill them in later ( I got to squeeze a run in before the babysitter leaves) thanks.
 
A few that spring to mind...
" he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed !"
" she so pretty she would fetch the ducks off the water!"
and " he was built like a brick s**t house !"
 
1. "If a frog had wings it wouldn't bump it's ass when it jumped"
2. "By failing to prepare you prepare to fail"
3. "Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it"
4. "People in Hell want ice water, too"
5. "Our Country, may She always be right, but Our Country right or wrong"
6. "That one's about as sharp as a bowling ball/ball pein hammer (you pick :D)"

1 and 3 can be used when the wife is askin for another daggon shiny thing. That helps put those two in perspective. 1 May be original by my Grandpa, at least that's the only place I've ever heard it.
 
I cant quote because my keyboard is pooched, but.......

Im not young enough to know everything - Oscar Wilde
 
A few come to mind:

Lost as a cricket in a hubcap.

Someone or something is half a bubble off plumb.

Tracking like a 4 head VCR.

Lots more I use everyday but can't think of right now. Chris
 
Better to be tried by 12 than carried by 6.
Excuses are the fuel for failure.
The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the first to get greased and is sometimes the first to be replaced.
You get what you pay for.
The second rat gets the cheese.
Here is good one that was said to one of my dumbass friends. Your momma should have thrown you away and raised the afterbirth.
 
If brains were gasoline you wouldn't have enough to make it around a BB on a mini bike.

Your so worthless that if I owned you I trade you for a goat then I would shoot the goat.
 
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy"

Benjamin Franklin

Smart Man:thumbup: :D
 
-The less gear you pack on your back the more gear you need to pack in your head.
-That smells like ten pounds of sun dried shark sh*t

-A man has got to know his limitations
 
how about...

"He looks like he was beat with an ugly stick" Or "he fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

"Measure twice cut once"

"A clean desk is the sign of a sick mind"

"Second place is the first looser"

"There's never time to do it right but there's always time to do it over"

"If at first you dont succeed, lower your standards and change the rules"

and my Moms favorite: "Be careful what you ask for - you might get it".
 
If you don’t like global warming you can just go to some other planet and see how you like it there.

“I like my beer as I like my women…cold and bitter.” - Eren Carrigan


"Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so." -Bertrand Russell


"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. "- Winston Churchill

"Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other." - Ronald Reagan
 
A few from when i was a kid. My older cousin(may he R.I.P.) used to call me "Wonder Boy". When I looked at him in a puzzled stare he would then say "Sometimes I wonder about you boy." Another one of his saying was if I said something stupid he would say "when you go to school do ride the short bus and wear a hockey helmet?" I didn't get that one for awhile. He was quite the jokester and always made us laugh. I still miss him.
 
I have a friend whose elderly mother's friend has some pretty colorful expressions. The one that kept me laughing was:

"That's about as useful as a watch pocket on a jockstrap."
 
Can't remember where I read this on, but I use it every chance I get.
"My mind is made up, please don't confuse me with facts."
 
One I invented when talking to friend about his ex-wife's thwarted machinations against him:

"That sh!t backfired on her ass like pepper spray in a head wind!"
 
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