favorite quotes or analogies

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice Doggie", while you're looking for a rock. - Will Rogers.

I know violence isn't the answer, I got it wrong on purpose. - T-shirt Hell (some of my favorite sayings come from here, but be warned. It is offensive to many.)

Why kill them with kindness, when you can use an axe? - T-shirt Hell

Look at all those F@#! trophies! - a friend, as we're waiting for a local schoolbus to empty of small children.
 
My dad says this one.......Thats about as funny as a busted condom..
My Uncle Bill would say...That right there is thee sorriest sumb!tch to ever sh!t between a pair of boots.

God hates a coward
colder then a witches tit with a brass bra on the shady side of a glacier..
Its hotter then two rats f*ckin in a wool sock...
assuming is the mother of all f*ck ups..
does a horse piss where she pleases?
 
here are couple i didnt read all of the previous sorry if there are any repeats

My friend "If ifs and buts were candy and nuts ohh what a Christmas it would be"
Bumper Sticker "Vegetarian, old indian word for bad hunter"
Mom when I was a little tike "People In Hell want ice water" when i'd tell her i wanted something i didnt need.
Me "Its hotter than 2 mice f***ing in a wool tube sock"
 
According to J.P. Wiser, "Quality is something you just can't rush. Horses should hurry, but whisky must take its time."


The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." - Albert Einstein


-one kind word can warm three winter months. (Japanese proverb)


Leisure time I have always regarded as a necessity too valuable to be easily negotiable.


"We live in the present, we dream of the future, but we learn from the past."

If a man is talking in the woods and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

BTW. anything can be fixed with duct tape and WD40, if it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape and if it doesn't move and should, use the WD40
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Ahh... the first law of drinking:

Though it may feel like it, you cannot fall off the ground
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how agreeable it is to do nothing - and then rest afterward!"


At a particular age people expect you to be calm, dignified and sober.
Disappoint them.


Once, parents would try to world-proof their children.
Now, they would rather shirk their responsibility and try to child-proof the world.


Sometimes I wake up grumpy, and sometimes I let her sleep.


"The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm."


"You know who plays golf - guys that are too fat to play tennis!"


"It's important not to define yourself by what you do, but by who you are."
 
"Dumber than a well frog."

From my dad, "You'd complain if they hung you with a new rope!"

"You'll get used to it. You can get used to hangin' if you do it long enough!"

"Never marry a woman with big hands...makes yer dick look small."
 
The older I get the better I used to be.

They couldn't arrange a pi$$ up at a brewry

Ok but don't tell your mother
 
You're so old, you knew the Dead Sea, when it was just sick.

As my wife likes to tell her friends about our age difference. "He didn't rob the cradle, I robbed the grave."
 
Nice thread this is!

Some that just came mind:

He's as relaxed as a chihuahua dog on espresso. (Duckman)

God made the world, and then held it together with duct tape.

If there's a difference between theory and practice, practice is right.

The difference between theory and practice is, that, in theory there's no difference and in practice, there is.

That's as likely as Judas Iskariot winning the Most Reliable Disciple Award (after Black Adder)

Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought (Henri Bergson)

For those of you who are into Nietzsche:

A nation is natures way of producing 6 or 7 great men

Whe we have to reconsider our opinion of someone, we blame him for the trouble he causes us

Women are best dressed in black, and in silence (hmmm)

Keep up this thread,

Gijs
 
"A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle."
- Kahlil Gibran
 
"To the Astronomer, man is but an insignificant speck."

"Ah," said the friend, "do not forget that the insignificant speck is still the Astronomer."
 
My Dad told me:

"Son, learn from the mistakes of others. You don't have time to make them all yourself."
 
"Formerly, we suffered from crimes. Now, we suffer from laws."

Tacitus
around 100 A.D.
 
"Your so old you fart dust"

"You don't know hogjowels from horseshit" -Charelton Heston in "Mountain Men"

"I'm so broke I can't pay attention"

"If assholes could fly, This place would be an airport"

" More broke than the f#ckin' Engalls"

" Mistakes provide too many learning oppotunities to only make once"

" Nothin' wrong with quiet"-Robert Redford in "Jerimiah Johnson"

"its funny 'till someone gets hurt then it's f#ckin hilarious"
 
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