favorite quotes or analogies

One I forgot to add to my post, a quote of my old gamekeeper mentor..

"The wise man walks a quiet path... but carries a BIG stick."
 
A guy is like a car: of course you can change the oil yourself, but one day or another you'll have to take it to a garage.

- me, yes I need a girl :P
 
Never step in anything soft.

From my recently deceased father: There is only two things that you can't wear out and one of them is a hog's nose.

Also from dear old dad: If you never dance with a fat girl, you never marry one.

From one of my favorite redneck buddies: a faint heart never f---ed a pig. Call me faint hearted I guess.
 
The Lord prefers common looking people.
That is why he made so many of them.


Character is like a tree and reputation is like a shadow.
The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.
Abraham Lincoln
 
wow, theres some good ones here.
but for me its

measure twice, cut once.
it stuck out like a bulldogs ballsack
or, youll stick out like a turd in a punchbowl
hot girls make us buy beer, ugly girls make us drink beer.
about as sharp as a rubber glove/2x4/balloon
thats about as useful as a screendoor on a submarine
These I learned in the army:
'bout as squared away as a football bat
Thats 'ate up like a soup sandwhich'
looks like a bunch of monkeys tryin to hump a football
or, "he couldnt hit the broad side of a barn, if he was IN it"

And the final one, me and my ranger buddy are very fond of...
I am more afraid, of an army of sheep led by a lion, than an army of lions, led by a sheep
 
from "runs_with_scissors" describing one of his knives on a different thread:
chews through wood like a p!ssed off beaver on meth.
 
conversation with patient:

Doctor: I can tell you nothing good ends in "oma"
patient: What about Oklahoma?
Doctor: Exactly.
 
"Who would believe that I, chronic complainer and impatient man of the ages, would ever look upon a lump of raw fish and a pint of water as wealth?" From: Adrift, Steven Callahan, Houghton Mifflin, 1986, ISBN# 0-395-38206-8, (page 68-Day 14)

Doc
 
This from Sensei Kris Wilder...

"Don't try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig".
 
"Hello gentlemen welcome to shit creek" - my wilderness survival merit badge counciler

that was probably the best merit badge ive done
 
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