So...The knife stays with me, no wicked edge sharpening for this one...
I ended up getting it extremely sharp, actually while responding to this thread. I've figured out what the issue was, and it's not the heat treating or my inability to sharpen. It's how dull the knife actually was. I wasn't kidding when I said that it couldn't cut a hypothetical release of tail expelled gas, or a piece of paper. The knife was simply dull. It was essentially edgeless when I got it and surprisingly thick where the edge sits. I guess many of you were right, but it doesn't change the fact that no knife should ever be that dull, brand new. Am I disappointed in the knife? Yes, because I had to modify it immediately after receiving. Do I like it in general? Absolutely, it feels great in the hand, and looks awesome. I got very frustrated having to try and sharpen it over and over again thinking "it couldn't possibly need to be thinner", and in doing so, left some bad sharpening marks. I have sanded the blade up to 1000 grit so far and will be pursuing a mirror polished blade to hide the damage done by sharpening too shallow and hitting the face of the blade. Thank you for all your suggestions, and for keeping me company while I "fixed" this knife...
P.S. I know the knife isn't pretty anymore, and I've lost a decent bit of steel. Hopefully mirroring the blade will successfully rid the finish of the scratches. It is currently scratchy all over from prepping towards a polished blade.