Ghost of Christmas Present GA!! Winner in Post #201

Oh wow Charlie! This is a very generous GAW! I don’t ask to be in many, but I sure am asking to be in this one! Not only will I use it, but I’ll also do a GAW of another GEC, although not as special, to pay it forward!

Lemme find my knife joke. Or rather, a video, that tickles the snot out of me….. hold tight…

Let’s see if this works.


6kHde8o.mp4
https://imgur.com/6kHde8o
 
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I'm trying to come up with a knife joke, but I'm just not sharp enough...

How's about a funny (true) knife story? About 21 years ago I won a three-way knife fight! I was walking downtown late one night when two guys started yelling at each other. They both pulled out knives, and I was sure I was going to see an ugly scene. At that time cell phones were fairly common but I didn't have one, but I did have a pocket knife. I pulled out my knife, held it to my ear and yelled "I'm calling 911!" Both men ran. No one was hurt. And I think that is the only good way to win a fight with a knife.

I would love to win that beautiful knife. That was really what I was hoping the forum knife would be this year, and if I received it, I can assure you the only way it would leave my possession would be to give it away here on the porch again. At first I wondered if I counted as a long time Porchenburger, but I figure seven years counts ;) Where does the time go!?
 
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Beautiful knife and a great giveaway, Charlie. I don’t think I’m worthy as I don’t consider myself a long-term member, but I do like bad jokes, so I’ll share one.

The other night I was walking home in the dark and a guy walked up and drew a knife on me...
...he used a sharpie, and it took forever to scrub off. 😁
 
waynorth said:
As some of you know, at the start of our BF knife Odyssey, I was hinting that Our Forum knife should be made with smooth White Bone!! Well the Hemlock that won out turned out great, and I wouldn't change it for a minute!! But Bill called me and told me they made too many parts for our order of 500 knives, and do I want him to make up a few more?? Duh!!! Is a Bear Catholic?? Does the Pope . . . . . (never mind)!!
Now Bill said he had no more Hemlock Sawcut, so I said, How about a few Smooth White Bone??
Voila' . . . . . .View attachment 1703950View attachment 1703951
This knife can be yours!! If you are a loyal and long term (very long term) member and contributor of the Traditional Forum!! And we have interacted here in the past!! And you must promise to keep this knife and use it for a while!!
You know who you are!! I ask that only those who qualify, enter, and please let's not have a gabfest!!
It's not a Ghost, it's a real Barlow, but I thought Being a "ghostly white" . . . . . . . . .yada, yada, yada!! Ha Ha, a joke to kick things off!!
Your only creative part is to tell us a Knife Joke!! Dad-level Jokes, and Groaners are OK!! 🤣
I will close this GA after Christmas sometime; let's see how it goes!!
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I was surprised more folks weren't into the idea of smooth white bone for the BF Barlow. The Sawcut Hemlock looks superb, but it's nice to see how white bone could have looked :) Charlie you're a superstar :thumbsup:
Gary W. Graley said:
Nice idea but a blatant call for dad jokes? Do you know what you are in for??? Lol

Ok
“How do you kill a Circus “
“Go for the Juggler…”
Ba da da dum ;)

Thanks sir
G2

(Edited to say I don’t condone harming any juggler)
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You beat me to it Gary, that's my favourite joke! :D :thumbsup:
JohnDF said:
That is a very special knife, Charlie.
As much as I'd like to have it, I believe it should go to a very special member here.
There are many deserving candidates on the Porch, some float right to the top of the list, but I'm thinking of one that carries the Porch Torch proudly.
If I am deserving, and if my entry is chosen, I would like to enter on behalf of Jack Black Jack Black He offers this forum so much and I know he was hurt by the way some people abused the true meaning of the Forum Knife. I think this would put a smile on his face and remind him what the Porch is really about... which I'm sure he hasn't forgotten.

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Thank you my friend, both for your kind words, and for the kind gesture :) I hope you don't mind me reciprocating, you're a top guy in my book? :) :thumbsup:

In for JohnDF JohnDF if that's OK Charlie :) :thumbsup:

fWQc1vI.jpg


Those who say that there's nothing more painful than a paper-cut, have obviously never been stabbed! :eek: ;)
 
Perhaps we should put a pin in this and pivot to a new discussion? I wonder if many of us, like myself, felt that they aren’t even qualified to enter this give away? I was thinking about starting a new support group. I’ll call it “Bolster our Confidence”.

Beautiful knife Charlie. Your connection to Bill has produced some real gems.
 
What a gorgeous looking knife that is I would love to be in.

I could have made these joke's up or I could have researched them.😆



"Keep in mind my teacher at school said I would never make it as a comedian, she's not laughing now"🤣



Stock Market Report​

Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remained unchanged.

The market for raisins dried up. Balloon prices were inflated. And toilet paper touched a new bottom.




Victorinox, the makers of Swiss Army knives, recently branched out into the medical supply business after developing a universal tool fit for every hospital ICU.​

Their marketing slogan: "For all intensive purposes."



I'm sitting in a jail cell​

and it's killing me that I was arrested for something so stupid. On a dare, I robbed a kitchen supply store. Sure, the expensive knives would have been great, and who doesn't want a food processor?

But all in all, it just wasn't work the whisk.



I recently went to a science seminar on new materials we could use to make knives more efficient​

It was cutting edge stuff.


Want to hear a quality joke about knives?​

On second thought, I can't tell it. It's too edgy



I've started blunting knives to help myself relax.​

Really takes the edge off.



Daddy, where do scissors come from?​

Well, two knives screw together.




A juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it."​

So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
 
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