Knife Knut Classification..

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Dec 10, 2003
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after cruising the board for a while, i've noticed a few distinct subgroups of knife knuts, in no order of rank:

1) knewbies - these folks need help finding the edge on a blade, & think that 440C is a BMW model.

2) benchmade droids - these guys would copulate with the tiny spaces surrounding the axislock bar if they could, and probably do. many of these guys are really good at reprofiling edges, and finishing them down stoopid-sharpness, mainly because they have some money left over to buy edgepros after their economically priced factory purchases. some even have carpal tunnel wrists from constant lightning-quick flicking mastery.

3) sebenzanistas - these dudes would probably dry-hump chris reeve's leg for designing this great little framelock. they probably have a shrine at home for their CRK's.. i am personally afraid to ever touch a sebenza, for fear that i may develop a strange humping relfex.

4) custom grey-poupon art collectors - these folks buy knives for their art, function be damned. the more mother of pearl and pre-historic elephant tusk inlays comlplementing the 14th century crouching-tiger damascus blade, the better. $400-500/month is spent on windex to clean the display cases for these knives.

5) tactical fighters - these guys are ready for war, and pretty damn eager too. extrema ratio mpc's are hidden beneath their helmets & boots. strider fixed blades are held tightly in the grip of their teeth. microtech makoras threaten to pop open from their wives' nipples if they get pissed enough.

6) backwood billies - these dudes bring home the bacon, literally. they can survive in the wilderness no problem, just give them a fowler or dozier & some chewing tobacco. these guys can build mansions from wood & straw with one hand, while simultaneously milking cows & roping them.

7) blade techies - these guys are full-time physicists with a part time interest in edged tools. they can tell you the specific gravity of s90v under various planetary orientations to adjacent galaxies. they can write scientific texts on the structure and function of every blade and steel type, and are probably formulating new geometric theorems as i type this.

9) bali songbirds - these guys are pretty dangerous, to themselves and proximal neighbors. they kind of look like a blur as they stand still, flipping away. these guys will buy a fixed blade, and lie awake nights, tempted to machine saw the handles down the middle and add hinges. many of these guys were baton-twirling majorettes in a past life.

10) spydercohorts (good catch mumbleypeg) - these guys have serrated refrigerator doors at home, just to remind themselves that they live on the edge. they believe that functionality & ugly are in no way mutually exclusive, and are, in fact, synonymous. they are all waiting in line to have their own signature model produced. viva la web!


okay, forgive my sense of humor.. i'm a knewbie in the large scheme of things, after all.. but at least i'm willing to admit it!! ;)

let's hear how you classify yourself - mods, if it's possible, please leave this thread in the blade discussion forum, thanks :D
 
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May 24, 2003
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I can't believe you left out the Spydercohorts...INFInite jesters... the CASElogicians...the BeckerKnife and Tool sheds....:D

I guess end up somewhere in the delicase next to the Mayonazed.
 
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Apr 12, 2000
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2) benchmade droids - these guys would copulate with the tiny spaces surrounding the axislock bar if they could, and probably do. many of these guys are really good at reprofiling edges, and finishing them down stoopid-sharpness, mainly because they have some money left over to buy edgepros after their economically priced factory purchases. some even have carpal tunnel wrists from constant lightning-quick flicking mastery

I think that's a dig at me! :)

When did you buy your first quality knife, production, or custom?
 
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Dec 10, 2003
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wade - my dad got me a buck 110 for christmas in 1983 i think. from that point, i just started buying knives from anonymous balis to benchmade liners, gerbers (i lost a gator in a move), kershaws, etc.. i never really appreciated the quality of the buck 110 until recently when i pulled it out & compared it to a lot of my factory stuff. my first honest to goodness custom purchase was a 8" brend model 2, you know the reeeally expensive thing (for me anyway). i've had a randall model 1, but technically it's my dad's purchase. i recently got a duncan aftershock (whoot whoot!!), & still have my eye on some factory stuff such as spydie chinook & even the 806d2, the sebbie, & some other stuff that's raved about on these forums as well. far as customs, i really wanna get the martin avenger & maybe a terz atcf. or another duncan aftershock.. or another.. jeez. i know you know what i'm getting at. when's the next support group meeting?
 
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Jun 22, 2003
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alan aragon - the Forum has a decent amount of humor today. You left out the Gent's blade carriers that are almost politically correct and trying not to scare the office help even though they would rather be carrying all of the above.
 
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Dec 27, 2000
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Well done, Alan.:D I wonder what you would call someone like me who probably would fit into a few of the above classifications?;)
 
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Nov 6, 1999
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I love your post Alan. Your taxonomy is pretty accurate, but perhaps ill-advised in your characterization of the sebenzanistas. Those knuts are zealots and fanatics! They are not at all rational. Best to not wake them out of their torpor. They have razor sharp claws, travel in packs, and would probably prefer to cut you up for dinner than to hump you. They are in love their own grey turds and even try to gobble up other folks grey turds. That is a much sicker perversion than having an uncontrollable urge to mate with some guy named Chris.

Watch out. I think you should probably go into hiding for a while now. Come to think of it, so should I :)

Para(noid)
 
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Not bad, but you forgot the multi-tooler and SAK fanatics.These are the tool (as opposed to weapon) oriented people who see all knives in a gadget kind of way.:)
 
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Originally posted by alan aragon
9) bali songbirds - these guys are pretty dangerous, to themselves and proximal neighbors. they kind of look like a blur as they stand still, flipping away. these guys will buy a fixed blade, and lie awake nights, tempted to machine saw the handles down the middle and add hinges. many of these guys were baton-twirling majorettes in a past life.
LMAO! Thats great. (except the part about baton twirling majorettes...grumble grumble...):D
 
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Dec 10, 2003
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haaaaa... i'm glad no one's threatened my life yet. *waits for the seb's to arrive with their grey turd catchers*

yeah, i did forget the multitoolers. but they're kind of a quiet group, sort of in the background, maybe they avoided the radar therefore.
 
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Feb 20, 2003
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Don't forget about the Tactical Spiritualist. I think that's the category I fall into. You know, "If a tree falls in the woods, does anyone care if it was ATS-34 or D2 that cut it?" or "What sound does the one handled balisong make?":p

Dayuhan
 
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Apr 10, 2001
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You forgot the "only buy to show" knife nuts. Without an "audience" for their newest high priced custom they will not have bought it.

Great topic!
 

T. Erdelyi

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Feb 3, 2001
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Leathermaniacs, now theres a scary group, these folks can disassemble an entire nuclear submarine, and reassemble it as a jumbo jet.

Me? I'm more of an accumulator, I like all knives and have spent 20+ years trying to get em all.
 
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Jul 9, 2003
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I have 2 sebbies, but I also love Spyderco, and a lot of the other production companies....so what am I? versaknut?

Great sense of humor dude!:D :rolleyes:
 
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Originally posted by alan aragon


yeah, i did forget the multitoolers. but they're kind of a quiet group, sort of in the background, maybe they avoided the radar therefore.

We're too busy taking stuff apart and tinkering :D
 
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Feb 13, 2000
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You must not forget those of us that have contracted HIKV ( Himayalan Imports Khukuri Virus). Those of us that have contracted it, can be found in front of our computers awaiting Uncle Bills next listing of Blems or other sorts of the deals of the day. It can get dangerous attempting to get that special new khukuri when the great whites are in for the kill!:eek: :rolleyes:
Then once the new khukuri arrives you are forced out into the outdoors to turn large wooded areas into kindling and tooth picks.
KhukuriHolics always have need for the next large bent blade. To us, a 12" knife is a small toy! HeHe ;)
BTW Alan, Great thread! There are so many different knife addictions,yet they are all strangely related...
 

ARtsig1

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Jul 20, 2000
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Hey now! Just who told you about the uh, you know, the uh, uh.....the leg thing??
 
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