Please help.

[Schakalicious]

I'm a fifteen year old boy and I work outdoors a lot, mostly doing yard work around the neighborhood to make some extra money on the side. There are a lot of cutting tasks involved, and I found that a disposable razor wasn't cutting it (pun intended). Not only was it getting tedious (and expensive) to buy new blades every week or so when they got dull, but there are a lot of things that you can do with a better quality knife that you just aren't able to with a razor. I've lurked around this forum for a few years now, as knives, especially folding ones, have always been a topic of interest to me. I find it fascinating how there are so many different types for different jobs, and so on and so forth. I eventually pulled the trigger on a Spyderco Tenacious, hearing all of the great reviews on here and YouTube. It's a great knife, even though the blade steel does dull quite easily, and I've pretty much fell in love with the thing. Straight out of the box I put a wicked edge on it with some of my grandfather's whetstones after teaching myself how to freehand sharpen with some crappy kitchen knives. I cleaned it and replaced the factory lubricant with mineral oil as to not harm the flowers I'm trimming, or if I decide to prepare food with. Basically what I'm getting at is that I'm responsible with the thing, and I get a lot of use out of it. The other day though, I was cutting up a cereal box so that I could fit it into the trash can, and I kid you not, I heard probably the loudest gasp I've ever thought possible. I looked up and my mom was standing there, beet red, saying things like "why the hell do you have a weapon" and "I thought I could trust you". I actually couldn't understand her she was screaming so loud, so I clipped it back to her pants and calmed her down, asking what was wrong. After she had calmed down, she told me that she had no idea why I had a knife, and asked me what I was doing with a weapon. I explained that it was not a weapon, and told her why I had it. She immediately freaked out again, saying that I was a huge disappointment to her, because she hates guns and stuff. After a lot more yelling, (only on her part, might I add, I was trying not to get frustrated) I explained to her that it was a tool that I get a lot of use out, and it wasn't intended to be used as a weapon, let alone me actually even considering using it as one. She cut me off and told me to stop bullsh*****g her, and yanked the thing out of my pocket, telling me how her oldest sun is a disgrace and stuff, and took it up to her room and hid it somewhere. She stayed up there for a while, and I'm pretty sure she even cried, because she had bloodshot eyes and her face was wet. I tried to avoid her for a while, because it seemed like I couldn't have a civilized conversation with her without getting my head bitten off. Skip ahead a few days, and she calls me into her room. She asked why I had it, and I told her I use it for a lot of things around the house, and when I'm working (I was edcing it). She told me that it was obviously a weapon that I was hiding from her. I guess that she didn't know that I had it. She then asked that if the reason I had it was because I was getting picked on in school ( I f***ing hate the word bullied lol). I again told her no, it was not a weapon, I'm not stupid, and that it's just a tool. She still didn't listen to me, and at that point I just said that we'd talk later. Basically, what I'm asking is... How do I get her to talk to me like a normal human being and not go totally apes**t on me, and 2, how do I get it back, because I really do need it. Thanks sorry for such a long winded post.

 

[danthaman1980]

Hey man, sorry this happened to you.

Unfortunately it sounds like your mom has already made up her mind about the Spyderco - she's heavily biased against it because of her perceptions, and you're probably not going to be able to change her mind. Don't be surprised (or upset) if she's already thrown it out.

My best advice is to respectfully disagree if/when she brings up the subject again, but don't push it. Obviously she doesn't want you to have the knife, so might be best to respect her wishes for now. But don't fret, a few more years and you can do what you like - and become a knife knut like the rest of us ; )

 

[PJH Knives]

I know this won't sound quite good but here goes.

First of all is there a father around?
How did you acquire the knife (I know here in California you need to be 18 to purchase).
You said you used your grandfather's whetstones to sharpen your knife, I would honestly calmly remind her that your grandfather (father, uncle, whoever) carried and used a knife as a tool everyday.
Try to sincerely ask her what about the knife in question flips her out.
I know you love the tenacious, but ask if a more traditional knife would make her more comfortable.

I know my older son (who chooses to live with his grandparents because his mother is a drug addict (((long story not getting into that))) and I had to allow him to do so to get him out of a bad situation) has always had knives in his life. When I started giving him them my mother kinda flipped like yours. It took me establishing some ground rules with the knife/knives before she would relax.
Some people have had really bad things happen to them involving knives in their lives, I would try to turn things in that direction. I know it's hard at fifteen to do but put the not a weapon argument aside for the moment and honestly try to understand what's going on. Offer that if she would be comfortable with you only using/carrying it while you are working/at home. The rest of the time you will leave it with her to build the trust that YOU need to instill in her that you are being responsible with it.
My mother was kinda the same way with me, but my grandfather gave me my first knife when I was 7.
I had some (looking back now) what I thought at the time were crappy rules but honestly it made me truly respect/understand how non knife people viewed them (weird part is she grew up with knives).
I hope some of this helps, but unless you truly make the effort to try and understand her fears/thoughts, you are a minor under her roof. She is trying (although unjustified) to do what she feels she must do to protect you from others/yourself.
I know it's hard to grasp now but later you will look back and laugh about this, regardless how upsetting it is now.

 

[Redmeadow Knives]

That is a heck of a first post.
First suggestion, edit the language.
Perception is hard to change in people, especially when it comes to "weapons". She most likely wont accept you carrying any type of knife, but you could try a small slipjoint, or a small multitool.

 

[redbull]

Can't pick your parents. Try a green/orange Mora, much less tactical looking than the Tenacious.

 

[killgar]

I know this won't sound quite good but here goes.

First of all is there a father around?
How did you acquire the knife (I know here in California you need to be 18 to purchase).

There is no age limit on knife purchasing in California state law. Not only have I checked the California penal code, but I've lived in California for 45 years now, and I legally purchased several knives in stores here as a minor.

As for the OP, you're 15 years old, and your mom is YOUR MOM, that means you aren't likely going to change her mind, or convince her that you are right and she is wrong, especially when the subject is knives and she thinks knives are weapons. Don't expect her to speak with you or listen to you as though you were her equal. Most parents (like myself) do not consider their children to be on an equal level. That's what it means to be a parent- we make an enforce OUR rules, whether our children think they are fair or not. I'm not saying to give up, maybe you can reason with her. Good luck with that.

The following is not meant as advice, but one of the most important lessons I learned as a child was how to keep secrets from my mom. Like every time my dad, or uncle, or grandfather let me do or have something cool and said "Now don't let your mother know". Such a skill (hiding things from my mom) also came in handy when it came to weapons and porn.

I consider myself fortunate that my mother didn't have a problem with me having knives (she and my father bought me a Buck 110 when I was 13), she only prohibited me from having knives that she thought looked like weapons (which defies reason, but that's the way moms are sometimes). Of course her prohibitions didn't stop me.

Look on the bright side Schakalicious, in less than three years you'll be 18. So get a good part time job, study hard in school, and save your money. That way, when/if you go to college, and/or save enough money, you can move out of her house and own and carry all the knives you want.

Sometimes it sucks to be a kid, but that's life. Being an adult sucks sometimes too .

 

[skyhorse]

Apparently you got this knife before disscusing it with your Mom ? Hang in there respect her , do the right things and it will all work out eventually.

 

[Rappy]

You made the mistake of not asking your mother is it would be alright to purchase a knife.
(unless you did)
Just wait until you are older.

 

[jc57]

Step 1 - Wait 3 years
Step 2 - Ask for your knife back

 

[Comeuppance]

Man, your mom lays on the guilt pretty thick with the "disappointment" business.

Not knowing anything aside from this post, like any past tendencies you have had that may lead her to distrust you with a folding locking knife, it's difficult to say what is going to do the trick.

Ideally, understanding why she has this perception about seemingly all knives would give you the information you need to show her why you don't intend to use it as a weapon.

If she's entirely against guns and knives, you have quite a mountain to climb here. If she immediately started yelling, cried, and was insistent that you owned it for ill intent even days later, I wouldn't assume sound reasoning is going to resonate with her.

PJH has a very good suggestion with leaving it with her when you are going to go somewhere outside of where you do yard work. That will at least demonstrate that you have no intention of using it at school or in retaliation for being picked on.

It's a slightly dangerous approach, but you could remind her that there are numerous items that are far more viable as weapons around the house - including the disposable razor your eschewed for the Tenacious. Screwdrivers, paring knives, scissors, etc - all easily concealed, considerably cheaper, and most of those are actually better suited as weapons than the tenacious. Certainly, if you were trying to arm yourself, you were spoiled for choice and needn't have bothered to go drop $30-45 on a Tenacious.

The reason I say that's a slightly dangerous approach is that she might then think you've put too much consideration into what could be used as a weapon around the house, which she may see as evidence that you're plotting some variety of revenge for being picked on.

Ultimately, though, you're talking about a protective parent who clearly loves and cares for you deeply, and wants to make sure you don't go down the wrong path. Take that for what it is and keep it in mind when you talk with her - she isn't just irrationally throwing accusations and assumptions out there to impose on you, she merely wants you to be safe and knows how impulsive and unwise people generally are at your age.

One of the reasons your mom doesn't believe you have perfectly innocent intents with the knife is that she was young and impulsive once as well.

You might consider offering to show her how you use it when you work, under her direct supervision. Combining that with the suggestion PJH made is probably better than trying to outright reason with her or convince her to recategorize your Tenacious as "not a weapon." It will be a weapon in her eyes until she sees it as a tool, and she's only likely to see it as a tool if she sees you use it as such.

 

[PJH Knives]

There is no age limit on knife purchasing in California state law. Not only have I checked the California penal code, but I've lived in California for 45 years now, and I legally purchased several knives in stores here as a minor.

Your absolutely right... Back when you were a minor everyone wasn't in fear of getting sued.
Heck back when I was a minor I got away with a couple myself.
It has been a very very long time since I have been to any store that doesn't require the 18 thing.
I should have stated it was kinda a fear of getting sued here thing in California.
It's been a few years since I have purchased a knife in store, usually just order online. Every online dealer I have ordered from requires it in some way or form.
Guess I have just gotten used to the 18+ thing.

OP,
Would she be more comfy with a swiss army knife?
Maybe suggest getting something "like grandpa used to carry"?

I emphasize, YOU suggesting supervised usage for the time being.

Hard for me to go back on my strict rules on my children myself, but guns and knives are a part of my families everyday life.
Heck even my wife carries 3 knives on her every day, 1 clipped on her pocket 2 in her purse (usually a small Sebenza seagrass)

OP...
P.S.

DO NOT, if you do manage to go the supervised route flick the knife open. No Spidie drops or the like, slow controlled usage.

 

[Inazone]

I unfortunately can't relate because when I was 15, I was already well into my first stint of knife collecting. I had a Victorinox and some sort of Buck knockoff, but my true interest was daggers and boot knives, which served no practical purpose for me. My dad certainly had no objections, and my mom just warned me to be careful if she saw me cutting something.

All that being said, I've heard the "weapon" BS from coworkers on more than one occasion when simply cutting open a box, usually with some smallish folder. I'm convinced that some people simply watch to many TV shows and movies that depict knives as weapons, while ignoring that they're invaluable tools. If I can offer any advice about cutting tools, it's to consider buying the most harmless-looking (but still useful) multi-tool you can, making a point to use tools other than the blade(s) around the house in such a manner that your mom can see that you're being responsible. There are a number of Leatherman models (and several Swiss Army knives) with colorful handles that are about as "non-weapon" as you can hope for. Maybe even a Boy Scout knife of some kind would be worthwhile. Maybe not your dream knife, but possibly a mom-friendly option.

 

[The Mastiff]

As one already stated we can't pick our families. When someone is not "thinking clearly" sometimes it's best to avoid them. You can't really do that in this case though. Don't let her draw you into her delusional drama, but respect her wishes while you are still a child and under her roof. Stay out of trouble, live quietly and responsibly and say good bye when you turn 18. Then, not now, Tell her to grow up and get therapy . Later in life things will become clearer. No one is perfect but you need to take care of yourself and not allow others troubles to hold you back. Live right and take things a day at a time. It always works out as it should when you are past it and looking back at life.

 

[Rey HRH]

Do you not have any kitchen knives in your home? Do you not help in the kitchen? Have you not used a kitchen knife in her presence before?

When you were cutting up the cereal box, you didn't have a weird smile on your face and were stabbing the cereal box, right? And you weren't saying out loud that you're a cereal killer?

Does your mother not know you were doing jobs on the side for money? Did she not know you were cutting up things as part of your job? I'm surprised you haven't hurt yourself using a disposable razor. How did you not hurt yourself using a disposable razor when a knife is what is called for? I'm not even sure how you can use a disposable razor to cut anything.

I wish you good luck. My only advice is to wait until a quiet time, then apologize to your mother for getting a knife without her knowledge and that you didn't know how she would react to it. Then you can lay out your request to have it with the argument that you will only use it for your work. I hope you have the history that will remind your mother that you are a responsible person.

Another thing is I hope that if you are able to convince her to allow you to have the knife that you will never ever ever deliberately or unintentionally bring the knife to school with you. They've suspended students for making their hands like pistols; not even having to go "bang, bang." I do believe knives in school are against the law unless you work for the school and need it for your job in school.

 

[kvtcomdo]

That is a heck of a first post.
First suggestion, edit the language.
Perception is hard to change in people, especially when it comes to "weapons". She most likely wont accept you carrying any type of knife, but you could try a small slipjoint, or a small multitool.

Agree

Try a more traditional knife/folder.

Show her you're responsible and maybe she'll come around.

I concur about the language as well.

A 15 y/o in my house using that language could get a soap filled tongue wash.

 

[Mecha]

Lies/troll. I reject your wormy bait!

 

[Schakalicious]

I know this won't sound quite good but here goes.

First of all is there a father around?
How did you acquire the knife (I know here in California you need to be 18 to purchase).
You said you used your grandfather's whetstones to sharpen your knife, I would honestly calmly remind her that your grandfather (father, uncle, whoever) carried and used a knife as a tool everyday.
Try to sincerely ask her what about the knife in question flips her out.
I know you love the tenacious, but ask if a more traditional knife would make her more comfortable.

I know my older son (who chooses to live with his grandparents because his mother is a drug addict (((long story not getting into that))) and I had to allow him to do so to get him out of a bad situation) has always had knives in his life. When I started giving him them my mother kinda flipped like yours. It took me establishing some ground rules with the knife/knives before she would relax.
Some people have had really bad things happen to them involving knives in their lives, I would try to turn things in that direction. I know it's hard at fifteen to do but put the not a weapon argument aside for the moment and honestly try to understand what's going on. Offer that if she would be comfortable with you only using/carrying it while you are working/at home. The rest of the time you will leave it with her to build the trust that YOU need to instill in her that you are being responsible with it.
My mother was kinda the same way with me, but my grandfather gave me my first knife when I was 7.
I had some (looking back now) what I thought at the time were crappy rules but honestly it made me truly respect/understand how non knife people viewed them (weird part is she grew up with knives).
I hope some of this helps, but unless you truly make the effort to try and understand her fears/thoughts, you are a minor under her roof. She is trying (although unjustified) to do what she feels she must do to protect you from others/yourself.
I know it's hard to grasp now but later you will look back and laugh about this, regardless how upsetting it is now.

Thanks man.
Yeah, I do have a dad, but he seems to be in agreement with her

 

[Schakalicious]

That is a heck of a first post.
First suggestion, edit the language.
Perception is hard to change in people, especially when it comes to "weapons". She most likely wont accept you carrying any type of knife, but you could try a small slipjoint, or a small multitool.

Sorry about the language lol. I won't curse in future posts... Didn't even think about it

Thanks

 

[Schakalicious]

Apparently you got this knife before disscusing it with your Mom ? Hang in there respect her , do the right things and it will all work out eventually.

Yeah in hindsight it wasn't smart, but it didn't seem like a big deal to me. To me they're tools, not weapons. I didn't think there would be any problems.

 

[Schakalicious]

You made the mistake of not asking your mother is it would be alright to purchase a knife.
(unless you did)
Just wait until you are older.

Yeah, probably wasn't smart, but I didn't think she'd care. It was something I'd needed (and still need), so I thought it wasn't a big deal. I guess she just doesn't know how useful they are lol