Please help.

Comeuppance said:
Man, your mom lays on the guilt pretty thick with the "disappointment" business.

Not knowing anything aside from this post, like any past tendencies you have had that may lead her to distrust you with a folding locking knife, it's difficult to say what is going to do the trick.

Ideally, understanding why she has this perception about seemingly all knives would give you the information you need to show her why you don't intend to use it as a weapon.

If she's entirely against guns and knives, you have quite a mountain to climb here. If she immediately started yelling, cried, and was insistent that you owned it for ill intent even days later, I wouldn't assume sound reasoning is going to resonate with her.

PJH has a very good suggestion with leaving it with her when you are going to go somewhere outside of where you do yard work. That will at least demonstrate that you have no intention of using it at school or in retaliation for being picked on.

It's a slightly dangerous approach, but you could remind her that there are numerous items that are far more viable as weapons around the house - including the disposable razor your eschewed for the Tenacious. Screwdrivers, paring knives, scissors, etc - all easily concealed, considerably cheaper, and most of those are actually better suited as weapons than the tenacious. Certainly, if you were trying to arm yourself, you were spoiled for choice and needn't have bothered to go drop $30-45 on a Tenacious.

The reason I say that's a slightly dangerous approach is that she might then think you've put too much consideration into what could be used as a weapon around the house, which she may see as evidence that you're plotting some variety of revenge for being picked on.

Ultimately, though, you're talking about a protective parent who clearly loves and cares for you deeply, and wants to make sure you don't go down the wrong path. Take that for what it is and keep it in mind when you talk with her - she isn't just irrationally throwing accusations and assumptions out there to impose on you, she merely wants you to be safe and knows how impulsive and unwise people generally are at your age.

One of the reasons your mom doesn't believe you have perfectly innocent intents with the knife is that she was young and impulsive once as well.

You might consider offering to show her how you use it when you work, under her direct supervision. Combining that with the suggestion PJH made is probably better than trying to outright reason with her or convince her to recategorize your Tenacious as "not a weapon." It will be a weapon in her eyes until she sees it as a tool, and she's only likely to see it as a tool if she sees you use it as such.
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Thanks man

At this point I'm probably just going to wait till I'm 18 lol. She probably threw it out :(
 
PJH Knives said:
Your absolutely right... Back when you were a minor everyone wasn't in fear of getting sued.
Heck back when I was a minor I got away with a couple myself.
It has been a very very long time since I have been to any store that doesn't require the 18 thing.
I should have stated it was kinda a fear of getting sued here thing in California.
It's been a few years since I have purchased a knife in store, usually just order online. Every online dealer I have ordered from requires it in some way or form.
Guess I have just gotten used to the 18+ thing.

OP,
Would she be more comfy with a swiss army knife?
Maybe suggest getting something "like grandpa used to carry"?

I emphasize, YOU suggesting supervised usage for the time being.

Hard for me to go back on my strict rules on my children myself, but guns and knives are a part of my families everyday life.
Heck even my wife carries 3 knives on her every day, 1 clipped on her pocket 2 in her purse (usually a small Sebenza seagrass)

OP...
P.S.

DO NOT, if you do manage to go the supervised route flick the knife open. No Spidie drops or the like, slow controlled usage.
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Oh lol. My dad wanted to see what the big deal was, so he gave it to me and I immediately flicked it open lol. He thought it was a switchblade :(
I'm pretty sure he's on my side though
 
Inazone said:
I unfortunately can't relate because when I was 15, I was already well into my first stint of knife collecting. I had a Victorinox and some sort of Buck knockoff, but my true interest was daggers and boot knives, which served no practical purpose for me. My dad certainly had no objections, and my mom just warned me to be careful if she saw me cutting something.

All that being said, I've heard the "weapon" BS from coworkers on more than one occasion when simply cutting open a box, usually with some smallish folder. I'm convinced that some people simply watch to many TV shows and movies that depict knives as weapons, while ignoring that they're invaluable tools. If I can offer any advice about cutting tools, it's to consider buying the most harmless-looking (but still useful) multi-tool you can, making a point to use tools other than the blade(s) around the house in such a manner that your mom can see that you're being responsible. There are a number of Leatherman models (and several Swiss Army knives) with colorful handles that are about as "non-weapon" as you can hope for. Maybe even a Boy Scout knife of some kind would be worthwhile. Maybe not your dream knife, but possibly a mom-friendly option.
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I looked into that, but on a lot of the multitools, the blade is really small, doesn't lock up, and doesn't seem very hard use, which I need. I might go the route of a boyscout knife, but again, most of those are pretty tiny. I've pretty much just given up lol. Back to the razors I guess :(
 
Rey HRH said:
Do you not have any kitchen knives in your home? Do you not help in the kitchen? Have you not used a kitchen knife in her presence before?

When you were cutting up the cereal box, you didn't have a weird smile on your face and were stabbing the cereal box, right? And you weren't saying out loud that you're a cereal killer?

Does your mother not know you were doing jobs on the side for money? Did she not know you were cutting up things as part of your job? I'm surprised you haven't hurt yourself using a disposable razor. How did you not hurt yourself using a disposable razor when a knife is what is called for? I'm not even sure how you can use a disposable razor to cut anything.

I wish you good luck. My only advice is to wait until a quiet time, then apologize to your mother for getting a knife without her knowledge and that you didn't know how she would react to it. Then you can lay out your request to have it with the argument that you will only use it for your work. I hope you have the history that will remind your mother that you are a responsible person.

Another thing is I hope that if you are able to convince her to allow you to have the knife that you will never ever ever deliberately or unintentionally bring the knife to school with you. They've suspended students for making their hands like pistols; not even having to go "bang, bang." I do believe knives in school are against the law unless you work for the school and need it for your job in school.
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Yep you're right about the school thing.

And I actually have cut myself pretty badly on a disposable razor, so I guess she doesn't care much for my safety lol. :( can't win em all
 
kvtcomdo said:
Agree

Try a more traditional knife/folder.

Show her you're responsible and maybe she'll come around.

I concur about the language as well.

A 15 y/o in my house using that language could get a soap filled tongue wash.
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Yep, sorry about the language lol. First post, so didn't really know what was expected. Sorry
 
Thanks everyone. You've all been real helpful.

I'm from CT, so I'm wondering if because of the sandy hook shooting, she's on edge about "weapons". Anyway, I'll probably just wait until I'm 18.

BTW, sorry about the cursing. This was my first time posting, so I wasn't really sure about the etiquette expected. My bad :)
 
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There are some fairly reliable folding knives made by some tool companies. I have a craftsman folder and I have a friend who has a Milwaukee folding knife. I've his at home depot for $20 or so. It is brightly colored and has the manufacturers name blazoned on the side. Perhaps you can show your mom that these are tools, made by companies that solely produce tools (drills, saws, hammers and such) and that it can be purchased at a tool store. Maybe go there with her and talk to a sales associate about various yard tasks and if the blade would be appropriate. Your mom may appreciate the advice from some older and more familiar with tools. Then just leave the knife with her when not needed. That's my best advice. This would prove to her that you really do just want to have it for working. Some spydercos do look a bit on the aggressive side. Something that looks differesnt might change her mind. Best of luck to you.
 
Sounds like your Mom has a case of hoplophobia. It's an irrational fear of weapons. It really is a mental health issue as you described in many areas. Sorry you have to deal with this, but it will get worse. Imagine when she finds out you bought your first .45! :)
 
Tough situation man. You talked about using grandpas stones to sharpen. Bring that up Im sure grandpa used his knives as tools as well. I doubt they will throw away the knife. I feel for you man luckily Ive had a a knife as long as I can remember hell back when I was a scout we were expected to have one! I suggest calming them down with a two handed opener that does not look like a "switchblade" ala Buck 110. Make the Buck 110 case to them and hell they may even buy you one then show how you use it as a tool then you have a better chance of getting your Spydie back. Man your folks sound pretty neurotic not trying to be insulting but thats the reaction I would expect had your mom found you blowing apart that cereal box with a cheap 9mm instead of just doing standard knife tasks wow!
 
Have them read this thread!

Also, regadding multitools, some of the newer knes have some decent steels on the knife, the leatherman charge tti has an s30v blade iirc.
 
Here is the thing, as a parent I look at it like this. If you got the knife as a tool then why not ask before you acquire? By you not asking before getting the knife you removed the control your mother is going to cling to for as long as you both are breathing. Right now you are still under age and have to answer to her. She felt her authority was side stepped and that you were hiding it from her.

Now to your defense me being a knife lover I totally get your side as well. My feelings are you werent "hiding" anything. Quite the opposite. I view it as you really looking at the knife as a tool to aid you in your day to day tasks and that because of this no feelings ever entered your mind about needing to hide it. I mean if you really were hiding it as a weapon you probably wouldnt be in the kitchen cutting up boxes with it.

And that is where I would go with it. I would say "Mom, when you discovered that I had a knife what was I using it for?" Dont come at your mom in a "im gonna school her on knives" Stance. I have found the best way to get your parents to see your perspective is not to tell them what it is but rather guide their thought process (which you should know well by now) by planting the seeds. Instead of telling your mom why you had the knife ask a question that she has to answer honestly and then she may be able to see it. Right now your mom is mad. She feels betrayed and she is harboring those ill feelings. And when she is asking you why you have the knife mind you she all ready thinks she knows the answer. And she isnt wanting to hear any words but those that verify what she all ready thinks she knows. As such she is not going to be open and perceptive to anything other than an admission of guilt. That is why you have to ask questions that guide her to the real answers.

When you were using the knife you were using it just as you said as a tool. So when you ask your mom the question "mom when you found me with the knife what was I doing with it" two things happen. 1. it breaks her mindset which is "hes guilty and he is going to admit it" and that is key. You have to break her concentration and focus. 2. The question makes her think about the situation in a different way without it feeling like a demand it is now a request which mothers are always more open to. Now your mother will make the connection "oh yeah, my son was cutting up a cereal box". Moms are emotional. She has an image in her mind of her son in jail for stabbing the neighbor kid. By asking that one question you replace that irrational image she has with one that portrays the knife in a much more neutral light.

That to me is going to be the icebreaker you need. A couple other pointers is if you get into a conversation with her avoid raising your voice even if she does and avoid any accusatory language. No words like "you". You points a finger. You places blame. The minute the word "you" comes from your mouth your mom is gonna put up her wall. In essence you dont want to tell your mom anything. You simply want to steer her to finding the answers herself. That way it isnt her son telling her what to do but rather your mom will feel she made a decision to look at it in a different way even though she may never have got their without your guidance. I would NOT tell her to visit these forums to learn. While this is a great place for such a thing your mom is far off from being receptive. She is still in the program of verifying what she believes and may only absorb information that supports her beliefs. The knife is mans oldest tool. But it is one of our oldest weapons. And that is one thing we forget. These things are weapons. The only thing that changes that is our choices. If worse comes to worse be prepared to give up ground. For awhile until trust is built again tell your mom she can hold the knife for you when not needed. But when you are to do work around the neighborhood she would let you have it for that purpose and you will return it to here when done. Now you should NOT have to do this. But it will show your mom that you are willing to compromise. You would be surprised how much ground a parent will give up if they feel you are willing to compromise. And that willingness to compromise will be a good first step to building that trust again. Good luck.
 
man I feel bad for you, I got my first knife when I was 10, by time I was 15 I had more than I can remember. The love I have for knives today all started with that first one when I was 10..

My wife and had the knife conversation awhile ago, which resulted in me convincing her to allow me to give my 11yr old step son his first knife. His first was a cheap gas station combo blade pocket knife, but he wasn't allowed to keep it and had to be supervised using it... After a few months I got him a small "survival" fixed blade with a hollow handle and green skull camo. Basically a flea market knife that was as dull as a butter knife. So I sharpened it up and took him out to teach him how to use it and safe handling. Now finally he's 12 getting ready to turn 13 in August and I gave him his first "real knife" (I don't consider the hollow handle junk a real knife lol) a Gerber prodigy.

Thou his mom isn't all that thrilled for him to have a knife she came around to it....Which in time I'm sure yours will too.. Maybe you should make a list of things you use the knife responsibly for, almost as if you were giving a presentation. Present your case to her, show her you know proper safety precautions and safe knife handling.
 
PURPLEDC said:
Here is the thing, as a parent I look at it like this. If you got the knife as a tool then why not ask before you acquire? By you not asking before getting the knife you removed the control your mother is going to cling to for as long as you both are breathing. Right now you are still under age and have to answer to her. She felt her authority was side stepped and that you were hiding it from her.

Now to your defense me being a knife lover I totally get your side as well. My feelings are you werent "hiding" anything. Quite the opposite. I view it as you really looking at the knife as a tool to aid you in your day to day tasks and that because of this no feelings ever entered your mind about needing to hide it. I mean if you really were hiding it as a weapon you probably wouldnt be in the kitchen cutting up boxes with it.

And that is where I would go with it. I would say "Mom, when you discovered that I had a knife what was I using it for?" Dont come at your mom in a "im gonna school her on knives" Stance. I have found the best way to get your parents to see your perspective is not to tell them what it is but rather guide their thought process (which you should know well by now) by planting the seeds. Instead of telling your mom why you had the knife ask a question that she has to answer honestly and then she may be able to see it. Right now your mom is mad. She feels betrayed and she is harboring those ill feelings. And when she is asking you why you have the knife mind you she all ready thinks she knows the answer. And she isnt wanting to hear any words but those that verify what she all ready thinks she knows. As such she is not going to be open and perceptive to anything other than an admission of guilt. That is why you have to ask questions that guide her to the real answers.

When you were using the knife you were using it just as you said as a tool. So when you ask your mom the question "mom when you found me with the knife what was I doing with it" two things happen. 1. it breaks her mindset which is "hes guilty and he is going to admit it" and that is key. You have to break her concentration and focus. 2. The question makes her think about the situation in a different way without it feeling like a demand it is now a request which mothers are always more open to. Now your mother will make the connection "oh yeah, my son was cutting up a cereal box". Moms are emotional. She has an image in her mind of her son in jail for stabbing the neighbor kid. By asking that one question you replace that irrational image she has with one that portrays the knife in a much more neutral light.

That to me is going to be the icebreaker you need. A couple other pointers is if you get into a conversation with her avoid raising your voice even if she does and avoid any accusatory language. No words like "you". You points a finger. You places blame. The minute the word "you" comes from your mouth your mom is gonna put up her wall. In essence you dont want to tell your mom anything. You simply want to steer her to finding the answers herself. That way it isnt her son telling her what to do but rather your mom will feel she made a decision to look at it in a different way even though she may never have got their without your guidance. I would NOT tell her to visit these forums to learn. While this is a great place for such a thing your mom is far off from being receptive. She is still in the program of verifying what she believes and may only absorb information that supports her beliefs. The knife is mans oldest tool. But it is one of our oldest weapons. And that is one thing we forget. These things are weapons. The only thing that changes that is our choices. If worse comes to worse be prepared to give up ground. For awhile until trust is built again tell your mom she can hold the knife for you when not needed. But when you are to do work around the neighborhood she would let you have it for that purpose and you will return it to here when done. Now you should NOT have to do this. But it will show your mom that you are willing to compromise. You would be surprised how much ground a parent will give up if they feel you are willing to compromise. And that willingness to compromise will be a good first step to building that trust again. Good luck.
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Thanks so much. That was really helpful. I'll try that today
 
Hope things work out and you get your knife, at least part time, back. I'm 15 too, but luckily my parents are fine with me having knives.
 
Seriously?

In the state of California, just like every state in the US, you can't purchase things your parents don't want you to have until you are 18. You should have had the discussion before buying not after. And yeah, it might suck that your parents are your parents but it is what it is. 3 years and you can do what you want.

Did you read the rules before you joined this forum? This is a family friendly section and the language you are using is not appropriate. Makes me question what other rules you are choosing not to follow....

And as for the advice on how to deceive your parents? Don't listen to it. You will get into more trouble.
 
I'd recommend a Victorinox or something more innocent looking like an orange Cold Steel Mini Tuff Lite.

Clear it with your dad at least beforehand though.

I'm not familiar with Connecticut law but some states have more lax legislation regarding knives with smaller blades.

Like in Chicago if you're under 18 you're legally allowed to carry a pocket knife with a blade less than 2 inches in length.
 
Step 1: Wait until you are older
Step 2: Apologize for going behind your Mother & Father
Step 3: Profit???, if not go back to Step 1.
 
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