Short sentence to describe each brands?

Benchmade: Sharp with easy axis (get it, axis = access? I'm so punny! lol jk)

Spyderco: Holey-sharp, but not always

Strider: Badass, just badass

ZT: Well built, but can do better for more bang for the buck.

Microtech: Sharp as shit, scars for evidence

Reate: All- titanium, high-quality, ergonomic, durable, and affordable.

Ferrum Forge: Each knife is designed for ergonomics but not always with beauty, and not always sharp; great knives nonetheless (I love my Ferko though :D)

Skike Custom Knives: The Rogue Shark is the epitome of sharp and overbuilt (I mean it is scary f*cking sharp)

Darrel Ralph (DDR): Redefining overbuilt elegance.
 
Buck: We have Paul Bos here on heat treating.

Spyderco: We have M390, S30V, S35V, ZDP-189, CTS XHP, and a whole lot more!

Benchmade: Yeah its expensive, But you can send it in and we will take a look at it. Plus Lifesharp!

Zero Tolerance: We like em heavy, cause 'murica.

Chris Reeve: No idea what they say. Dont have one yet.

Hinderer / Strider: I will kick your ass for you.
 
Zero Tolerance: We make a better Emerson than Emerson. Our Hinderer flipper flips better than Hinderer
Hinderer: We can't make a flipper to save our lives
Emerson: Sorry you paid too much for our crappy quality control
ESEE: We laugh at the thought of ergonomics
TOPS: We make stuff found in comic books
Spyderco: You think we're american, but it was a ruse
Ontario: BUY OUR MACHETES!!!!
Gerber: Bear Grylls is the best scam ever.
Buck: Fudd knives for fudds
DPx: Out knifes should be tough
Victorinox: SAK, SAK SAKSAKSAKSAK ERRYBODY
Benchmade: Billion knives in a billion different steels.
Microtech: Don't you dare touch that knife, good luck getting it serviced
Sabenza: Our tolerances are tight. Tight like a tiger (austin powers reference)
Strider: built buy "operators" for "operators" to do "operationally" "operational" "stuff."
Busse: INFI is forged by dwarves in the fire of mount doom with the aid of kraut space magic
Mora: You should own one, yo mama should own one, your dad probably owns one, EVEN YOUR CAT SHOULD OWN ONE
Winkler Knives: Buy once, return thrice, only then you'll get a knife with a even grind
 
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Kershaw: Addicted to linerlocks.

Spyderco: Sharp and nerdy!

Chris Reeve: A $600 bottle of wine that my unrefined palate cannot taste the difference in.

Benchmade: We got axis locks baby!

Cold Steel: Quality knives marketed by an absolute __Fill in the blank_!

Al Mar: Original Gangsta

Buck: Gone huntin' and fishin'.

ZT: Can't drink milk.

Boker: Life is like a box o' chocolates...

Microtech: Check out my show piece! I'm rich and know nothing about knives.

Gerber: We got Bear Grills!

Kizer: Those are made WHERE!!!???

Opinel: The French did something right!
 
Spyderco: We have lots of different steels and 95% of our products are now made overseas but look at that nice USA made PM2!

Microtech: Because you want an OTF that actually works

Emerson: SEAL's use our knives, its not supposed to be pretty, you had better hope our skinny ass liner lock does not fail. Did we mention the chisel grind is on the wrong side, and F** lefties!

Hinderer: We get it already the stupid things don't flip, we will eventually fix it.

Strider: Badass knives, your covered for life by the warranty

ESEE: Go ahead try to break it we dare you!

BUSSE: We got loaded one night and made this magical substance called INFI, no you cannot physically break it we already tried

Medford: Hahha my knife can baton through your knife and we have better tolerances than CRK, ignore the ultra high prices though

ZT: We single handedly gave ELMAX a bad name and for some reason cant physically sharpen a knife correctly.

Kershaw: Chinese crap for the most part

Reate: Communism, and Todd Begg!!!!!!!

Benchmade: Wait, you mean to tell us its not the 1990's anymore?!?!??!! Oh and everyone ever in the military has a hard on for us too.
 
Spyderco--Beauty is but a light switch away/You don't need to see it, just feel it

Zero Tolerance: Worlds largest purveyor of sharpened bricks.

Strider: Proof that a good kid can come from an ugly mother and a lying father

Hinderer: My weak detent is hinderering my flipping ability.

Chris Reeve: The pursuit of perfection in manufacturing has come with the unfortunate side effect of completely boring designs.

Benchmade: The animals are running the farm.

CRKT: Hey, as long as it looks cool and we can reel the suckers in does it really need to function?/Quality and craftsmanship are not in our vocabulary.

Kershaw: Please sir, let me assist you in opening that. No, really, I insist I assist you as you are in obvious need of assistance.

Gerber: Knife company making baby food, or baby food company making knives?

Kizer: We will, we will, rock you!
 
CRKT - Neat ideas, poor execution.

Benchmade - Premium prices, okay products.

Zero Tolerance - Making your mid-techs seem overpriced.

Kershaw - Who the heck else is making decent budget folders, anyway?

Cold Steel - For the mall ninja who demands quality.

Hogue - The best knives you've never owned.

Emerson - Making up for QC with a rabid fanbase.

Spyderco - Cutting tools designed for cutting.

Microtech - What, you wanted to fix your own knife? HAH! We'll hold on to that for a few months while you twiddle your thumbs.

SOG - If it isn't Seki, it's Sucky.
 
Yo this thread is all win, I'll contribute in a bit when I get back to my tablet..
 
And kod, damn that strider one is funny as hell..
 
Spyderco - Is there a steel left that they haven't made a knife in?

Benchmade - Remember back in the day when they were the $#!+

Zero Tolerance - Benchmade who?

Strider - But, their knives are supposed to look like that.

Emerson - Yeah, their knives are supposed to look like that too.

Gerber - Someone had a bowel movement.

Cold Steel - Destroyer of countless car hoods, oil drums and pig carcasses.

SOG - SOG spelled backwards is POS. Not to be confused with Gerber.

CRKT - The coolest looking and most mediocre knives available.

Microtech- No no no! You don't use them. They're just for looking at.

Boker - German engineering by way of China.
 
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I teared up from all these descriptions.. :thumbup: A newcomer to the knife market could benefit very quickly from reading this thread...blunt truthiness.
 
Yep. There are some real classics here. This thread should be stickied and referred to often. :thumbup: :thumbup: :D

Oh, and congrats to shqxk for starting a great thread.
 
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Spyderco: holey moley!
Benchmade: do you know how fast you were going?
ZT: you'll need a better belt!
CRK: it looks good with your other nice things.
Gerber: great for beginners!
Cold steel: you never know when there's a hanging pig around.
Emerson: so what if we're ass backwards? It's waved.
Busse: sometimes rocks need to be split.
Rockstead: you like folding katanas?
 
Hahahaha.....Best thread I have read in a long time!! I am going back to reread the whole thing again!! :p
 
Spyderco: A hole for every knife and a knife for every hole

Cold Steel: The toughest knife in any courtroom

Gerber: THE knife to have while drinking your own urine

CRKT: THE knife to have while drinking the Gerber owner's urine

ZT: A Ti/Framelock hailstorm

Kershaw: You Vil Axcept Azsistance Vid Yer K'nife

CRK: Hey, look...Bentley made a knife!

Emerson: You have been assimilated. You are Borg. Wave goodbye

Benchmade: "That'll be $60 for the knife and $200 for the butterfly, please"

LionSteel: I'm too sexy for my scales, too sexy for my scales, TOO SEXY...

Hinderer: "Today, on Days of Our Blades, the part of XM Eklipse will be played by Kershaw Tolerance"
 
Cosmic Superchunk said:
Spyderco - Is there a steel left that they haven't made a knife in?

Benchmade - Remember back in the day when they were the $#!+

Zero Tolerance - Benchmade who?

Strider - But, their knives are supposed to look like that.

Emerson - Yeah, their knives are supposed to look like that too.

Gerber - Someone had a bowel movement.

Cold Steel - They claim their knives are better than everyone else's. And will sue to prove it.

SOG - SOG spelled backwards is POS. Not to be confused with Gerber.

CRKT - The coolest looking and most mediocre knives available.

Microtech- No no no! You don't use them. They're just for looking at.

Boker - German engineering by way of China.
Click to expand...

bender-applause_medium.gif
 
If you are watching this thread, then:

Cold Steel: Watch our PROOF video... we cut up boots full of pork chops

Benchmade: Watch our dealers charge you 22% more... Overnight!

ZT: Watch our brand new model go out of production... Overnight!

Gerber: Watch our TV spokes-personality drink his own urine.

CRK: Watch our award ceremony again at this year's BLADE show.

Spyderco: Watch for a "Sprint Run" or you may miss it.

Busse: Watch the Exchange... I'll put this up tomorrow for twice what I paid for it.

Strider / Emerson: Watch our fanboys jump all up in Velitrius's grill for mentioning us without praise.
 
Esee - They're not Ontario.

Ontario - They're not even Canadian.

Buck - Meh. What else you got?

Mantis Knives - What diarrhea looks like if it were made of steel.

Camillus - The brand name is owned by Acme. Official supplier to Wile E. Coyote. Need I say more?

Schrade/Smith &Wesson - Cheap a$$ junk imported by the Tennessee Knife Mafia.

Case - Knives for old farts.

William Henry - Knives for cork sniffers.

Dark Ops - Ultimate mall ninja knives.
 
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