Smoke request

Spectre

Spectre

Joined
Nov 3, 1998
Messages
4,331
I've been having some...relational challenges since I've been back. Different people are just that, different, and learning how to relate well to certain aspects of a partner can be challenging. Some things that have been an issue for a long time have come to a head, and my marriage will either survive stronger or come apart in the next month.

I am also at a crux in my life anyway. I should shortly be finished with my MAT, and have to decide what I'm going to do now. I could teach, but I don't know that teaching at the HS level is a good fit for me (because of the low pay, in addition to the other challenges). I could go for my history Ph.D., which *might* net me close to 70,000/yr after another four years of school. I have been considering taking a commission to become an Army officer, which has its own challenges.

I'm kinda lost here, guys. My problems surely pale in comparison to those of some others here, but if you can spare a thought, prayer, or some smoke, I'd greatly appreciate it.
 
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I think i know what youre sayin about relating to issues with your loved one.
My ol' girl hasnt been quite the same at all since the car accident that almost took her from me,Aside from the physical damage,she was disabled due to cognitive brain damage,which basically made her someone i didnt really know and at times it is even hard to converse with her due to what i'm saying being scrambled up by her noggin.

all i can say is there are reasons you are together,focus on those,
remember the love and expand it.
Tolerance, we all have our own faults, Lord knows i'm hardly the perfect person,In fact i can be downright Hard/impossible to be with at times.....but she has been there for and with me thru all hardships and pain and still loves me as i do her.

To me love is the is one of those great gifts god gives us, without it we are alone.

Smoke and prayers to you and yours.
 
John,
I've never experienced war, so I have no idea of the things you've been through. Relationships are hard enough anyway, God knows. You've been in my thoughts lately, and will be in my prayers. Take care bud.
Going outside right now to send up smoke and prayers.

Steve
 
aah, the fog of war. most dont realize the true level of sacrifice that a man makes with accepting such a responsibility. it is longer than just the the subsequent tours of duty and most likely affect not only the soldier but those around them for an eternity.

it seems trite to say but thank you for giving freely of your service.

and may God bless you with peace in your soul and quiet in your mind.

sincerely
ryan
 
You got it, John. All I've got going out for you and yours. Whatever you need, let us know.
 
Wow, that's a lot for any one to shoulder. A friend of mine has been dating a young lady for several years. They have yet to take the next step and commit to marriage, but realize that they don't want their relationship to stay as it is. They have decided to make the decision to either go forward and make that commitment, or go their separate ways, by the end of the year. They are contemplating some form of counseling to help them make a sound decision.

I think every marriage deserves a fighting chance, but ultimately, only the two involved can determine the right path. I wish you the best.

As far as career path, I can only say follow your heart. No choice you make now need be permanent. I've gone back to school twice since I finished college and I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.

Take care.

Eric
 
You got the smoke John, and its good to hear from you. Listen, relationships boil down to one thing, the commitment. If it remains steady, the love can come and go, and will do just that. As a man, you're going to mess relationships up regularly. I do at least. Just remain comitted, and never cheat. That is all you can do. J. has to remain comitted to you too - even though you're a man, and no matter how smart your brain is, your emotional comprehension cannot compare to hers. Foster the commitment. Don't ever consider it anything but permanent. That will keep you together no matter what you encounter. (It has for me and Leah, and the poor woman chose poorly when she picked a man.)
 
finishing a degree and considering a commission as well, sending prayers and smoke. Teaching isn't all bad, you've got the potential to positively influence a lot of people.
 
It's funny that this topic came up. While my marriage has never been on the rocks or anywhere near to them, I do understand how it can be tested. Through the resulting effects of a stressful seasonal business, business catastrophe, conflicting schedules, family ailments, travel, set backs, delays, and our own selfish pursuits of self service; I know how there can be days that you want to pack it in. I'm not talking about saying, "Oh that man/woman. What did I ever do to get stuck with him/her?" with a chuckle. I mean honest to goodness questioning of your actions. Marriage is work. It sounds cliche, but it really is the honest to God truth.

This past weekend, my wife and I went to visit her folks. On Sunday, as we do EVERY Sunday we visit them much to my eyerolling discomfort, we went to church with her folks. I didn't mind too much. This one was a special service.

The Pastor is a long time friend of my in-laws. He and his wife have known them 30 years. My in-laws have been married 38 years. He was doing a sermon on marriage and what it means, and he wanted them to be part of the children's sermon and explain to the kids what it means to be married, the kind of commitment that it takes, and the trials that follow. Now, I'm NOT a very churchly fellow. But I will say that I was moved. Watching my mother-in-law with her bum knee helping my father-in-law up off his electric scooter to the steps while they sat as the Pastor preached, it moved me. All the selfish things that have stopped me from being the best husband I could be, and here two people that had fleeting time left with one another sat perfectly happy in their broken bodies hand in hand. Guilt and Envy welled up in me, as did of course Love and Pride.

35 years from now will my wife and I be like that? I certainly hope so. I think we can make it. However, I do not judge anyone that finds their marriage is not going to work out. Not all of them can, and life is way too short to be unhappy. I'm not talking about the little things, but if you simply cannot connect with the other person anymore, then it is best to move on, I think. There certainly is more to being married than just saying "I do" and being hardheaded about the next 70 years.

Once again, John, you have my deepest prayers and smoke to ease you in these troubled times. It's not so much that you are having an issue in your relationship as much as it seems that your hardship is indeed collateral damage from serving our country. Keep us posted. We're here for you.
 
Wow,steely , i have to say that your post moved me also.......

I would like to also state that being hardheaded in the proper manner does have it's advantages:D
 
Thanks, everyone. :o

I was instant messaging J a little while ago. There was a specific set of issues that brought this to a head, but she says "our personalities don't fit", and that we probably wouldn't have lasted anyhow.

Maybe she's right, I don't know. I do know there have been some beautiful things in our relationship, and I think that if we can work out a few key issues, we could have a great life together.

Anyway, I've mostly been doing stuff like listening nonstop to Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" right now. I'll come through this one way or another.
 
Well man,
I do know that my woman and i are like night and day on just about everything,but happen to enjoy each other immensely besides that fact. We've been together for 16 years, not all of them perfect. there have been times when both of us have thought of just throwing in the towel and pissing it all away. Maybe all it will take for you two to resolve this is to do your best to listen to each other with open minds and hearts and be resolved in working on whats been bothering you both. As steely noted before relationships take a helluva lot of work,and the parties have to put forth the effort involved to stay together.

I know for my part i dont tell her how much i love her and what a beautiful person she is often enough, every woman needs to hear those things more often than a man is willing to say them......i told her this morning, and have promised myself to do better.

Good luck.
 
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Raising Prayer Flags...

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