The "Instant Knife Collection" Giveaway!!! WINNER ANNOUNCED

A man walks into a bar with a chunk of asphalt under his arm
"I'll take a drink right now and one for the road"

I love the way the Canadian anthem sounds, very easy to sing (unlike the American anthem, it's ridiculous how far the range on it is!) and my mother and grandma are Canadian

I like how there world has been "revolutionized" many times over, yet the simple knife is still a highly relevant and widely used tool
 
What do you get when you cross a duck and an owl? A wise quacker.
My favorite thing about Canada is the Yukon.
My favorite thing about knives are the different steels and the diverse properties of the steels.
 
Not an entry.

I will leave it for some one who needs and instant collection, but great giveaway anyway!
 
Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Martin looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"

So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your trousers off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone! I'm married!"

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I love the brisk cold weather in Canada. Nothing like a canadian morning.

Life is hard, knives makes it a bit more easier.


Thanks for the contest!
 
Not technically a Joke but this is one of my favorites.




An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

"How long did it take you to catch them?" the American asked.

"Only a little while" the Mexican replied.

"Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" the American then asked.

"I have enough to support my family's immediate needs" the Mexican said.

"But" the American then asked, "What do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said: "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed: "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you could buy a bigger boat and, with the proceeds from the bigger boat, you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked: "But senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied: "15-20 years."

"But what then, senor?"

The American laughed and said: "That's the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO - an Initial Public Offering - and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said slowly: "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos..."




Makes you think, don't it?

-Tony
 
I forgot my joke...

This is horrible when you're not too clever to begin with...

OK, Stolen from a Canadian cowboy (thanks Bren!):

What do you call a cow with no legs? Hamburger

What do you call a cow with legs on only one side of its body? Lean beef

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He's not going to 'come' anyways.

I love the Calgary, Alberta area. Lived there for three years while I worked at the airport. Beautiful country and people.

I like knives because they are cheaper than guns.
 
-Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

-Mounties...they're no joke!

-I love the variety. It's amazing how many different knives there are and I never get tired of looking at them. Of course, they're also quite useful.
 
Did you hear the one about the human cannonball? He was hired and fired in the same night!
Favorite thing about Canada is high quality maple syrup, and my canadian guildmates from WoW.
What I like about knifes is the large variable of designs and the sheer utility you get out of a good blade. Everyone should have a good knife.
 
joke: (a guest speaker said this to our church) so theres this guy with extremely large ears and the school prom was coming up. he didnt have a date but still wanted to go. when he gets there every one is dancing so he decides to go sit in the bleachers. the same goes for a girl with a wooden eye from a knife sharpening accident (i added that one my self! haha) so the woman witht he big ears sees the big eared man and after waiting for 5 minutes she finnaly has the courage to ask if he would like to dance. when she does the big eared man replies,
"would I! would I!"
and the girls replies : "big ears, big ears"

My favorite thing about Canada is its bacon! and the beauty and peace of the woodlands. (i live in the USA but LOVED when i visited Canada!

what i like about knife is the effort and craftsman ship put into making the knives look and feel beautiful and unique at the same time rugged and life saving.

Thanks
Tanner
 
Joke: Why did the cow cross the road? He was going to the MOOOOOOVIES!! HAAHA...
What I like about Canada: I went there once for a family vacation as a kid...bought a sweet knife there I still have today!!
What I like about knives: Taking them out into the woods and testing them out! Using them for camping/hiking/adventure!

Thanks!!
 
1) Did you hear the Patrots QB broke his left leg this weekend. But now he is ALL right. (I know it is lame...haha)
2) Canadian hockey is awesome.
3) Knives are practical art.

Great giveway. Thanks for the opportunity. Jeff
 
Still good stuff being posted.:)
Glad to see there's a minimal amount of kitten haters here.:D
 
1. Naked people are funny looking.

2. Thank God for Hockey.

3. The thing I like most about knives is that my wife doesn't like them. They're just for me.
 
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

My favorite thing about Canada... montreal.

I dont know where my love for knives came from, I have been an on and off collector since I was 6. I love the fact that they make my life a lot easier.
 
My favorite thing about Canada is the cool leaf on the flag.
I love knives because when I get a new one, I feel like a kid again. (hence the Knife"kid" name.
Here be jokes:
there was a cowboy, a priest, and an artist at the Grand Canyon.
the artist says: It is a magnificent work of artistic genius!
the priest says: It is a work of god's wonder!
the cowboy says: Sure would be a bad place to lose a horse!

Oh, and another. (this one will fit right in here n Bladeforums)
there was a woman pulled over by a police officer for speeeeeeding. (Gotta add the extra e's for the speeeed part)
as she was getting her drivers liscence out of her purse, a Concealed Carry Deadly Weapons liscence fell out. The officer siad: "Ma'am, do you have any weapons in your car?"
she answered:"Well, I have a .380 in my purse, a .45 in the glove box, a 12 guage in the trunk, and a Ka-Bar under the seat."
the officer replied "Ma'am, are you afraid of someone!? The woman replied, "Not a soul."
 
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Joke:Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?

Favorite Thing about Canada: J'aime boucoup la langue française impressionnante!

I can't really explain my love for knives, I value the precision and mechanics that go into the production, as well as the infinite uses that they have. The same goes for any piece of gear, anything that has tons of uses is gold to me :D

Thanks for this oppurtunity, Really hope I win :p
 
Joke! Two guys walk into a bar. The third one laughs and says, "You fellers must be from Canada!" Oh, and then he ducks.

Canada! Canada gives me the hope that there are a few places in the world that still give nature a beautiful kind of danger.

Knives! Simple. What isn't there to like?? Except for the inherent danger of a sharp cutting edge in the hands of someone careless or ignorant. Also, the prices on the ones I can't afford.
 
What kind of bees produce milk?

Boobies.

Favourite thing about Canada? The people! Free healthcare isn't bad either.

I love knives because.... forget it, I can't explain love :P
 
Very generous, thanks for the chance!

Joke: Q: What kind of Canadian can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
A: A Canadian barber.

Favorite thing about Canada: The history and reading about native people of the north. Americans often forget we weren't the only ones with a frontier!

What I like about knives: They're simple, easy to understand, and beautiful. (I also love my wife--but she's only one outta the three. Guess which one!)

Thanks again!

Frosty

ETA punctuation to da joke.
 
Joke: Last night I dreamed I ate a GIANT marshmallow. This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone!

Canada: Thanksgiving at the wrong time. If you visit your Canadian friends or relatives in October you can have two Thanksgivings.

Knives: Simple, Useful, Availability


Thanks for the chance
 
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