The "Instant Knife Collection" Giveaway!!! WINNER ANNOUNCED

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

Favorite thing from Canada :Elisha Cuthbert

Favorite thing about knives:Everything

Thanks for the chance, awesome give away and great idea for a contest.
 
Where does a general keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

My favorite thing about Canada is Joe Doerkson.

I love knives because you can cut stuff with em and I like cuttin stuff.
 
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Because if it had 4 it would be a chicken sedan!

Canadian things I love: Maple syrup made in the spring, NOT the tapping, and subsequent collecting of the sap. Cottage Country in any season! And EpicMealTime

Knives were one of man's first tools, one that many of us still use daily. They are a tool of a million and one uses. I encourage everyone I know to carry one, even if its just a small one. You never know when you might need it! Also, I like sharp things!
 
So there's two muffins in an oven just chilling and getting baked. And one of them yells "Man, it's hot in here!" And the other muffin says "Holy shit, a talking muffin!" haha :jerkit:

I really dont know much about Canada but the scenery looks awesome. Love to go up there one of these years.

Im not really sure what it is that draws me to them, i've liked knives for as long as i can remember. Ive always had a thing for hand tools.
 
Bumpin it up.
Make an entry, unless you hate knives...and kittens.
That's right, if you don't enter, you hate kittens.:eek:
 
got this as a forward from another member and I thought it was very funny



Ultimate Weight Loss Program

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss
program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself
as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you
can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later
huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the
next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs
himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next
day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,
beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing
nothi ng but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads,
'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four
days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and
better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs
himself , he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He
decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program

'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most
rigorous program.' 'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good
in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds
a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running
shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, your ass
is mine.'

He lost 63 po unds that week.




-Canada- I like cooler weather and I have some friends up there that run a houseboat rental place
-I love knives because it is mans oldest tool and I use one everyday, so practical.
 
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70'S)
MUST NOT BEAT ME
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms and legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"


I love Canada for being so neutral in everything. I also love Canada for providing so many comedies with Canada jokes. (Blame Canada! Kidding!)

I love knives because they make my life so much easier. They add a little (a lot actually) pizazz to my EDC and just gives you something to do when you're bored. (forums) It is also like an art form. You can truly appreciate the works of an excellent knife just by looking at it.. Imagine using it!
 
Their are three kinds of people in the world...
Those that are good at math and those that aren't.

Beer , Bacon, Poutine

What I like about knives... Functional art, Oldest(one of) tool, They are always changing.always something new yet always the same. You get a blade & something to hold onto.
 
Joke:
Why are cats always licking themselves? . . . . . . Because they are delicious :)

Favorite thing about Canada: Canadians :) . . . . . . . .and maple Syrup, Captain Kirk, Lumberjacks, Plaid, Beavers, Toronto, Kids in the Hall, Banf, Bacon, Mounties, and Canadian Whiskey

What I like about knives: Cool shapes, sharp edges :)
 
-A vampire walks into a restaurant and orders a cup of hot water. He pulls out a tampon and the waiter asks what are you doing? He responds making tea.

- I like canada because of the great snowboarding scene and the great food in markham

- I like knives because of the beauty and how useful they can be.
 
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand.

He said, 'Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'

The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'

The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'

The preacher said, 'No shit?'

I've loved knives all of my life. I started with rubber toy knives with painted silver blades, made swords out of boards with small hilts nailed onto them for sword fighting practice. Finally at 10, I got my first real knife - a Cub Scouts folder. Never looked back since and now, almost the sky's the limit!

I love their sleek lines, how sharp they are. Sharpening them is as much a pleasure as cutting with them. I think part of my DNA strands have a knife chromosome. :D

I'm not in this contest but there's my joke & stuff. If this post hits it's stabman's choice! :D
 
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A woman with blonde hair was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license . She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. ''What does it look like?'' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, ''It's square, and it has your picture on it.''
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ''Here it is,'' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop


Canada? Elisha Cuthbert of course

Knives? I love tools of all sorts and knives are simple elegant and beautiful
 
Wow, any special occasion for the giveaway?

-Post a joke...just make sure it's PG. If you want to repeat someone else's, I guess that's fine.
Click to expand...
Aw, the only joke I can think of will need to be kept PG by obfuscation.

How does a man fake "the big O"?
By rolling over and turning on the TV.

-Say what your favourite thing about Canada is.
Click to expand...
Dirt-cheap whiskey. Doesn't have the "character" of Irish whiskey, but it's almost as smooth, 1/3 the price, spelled with an "e," and still made by people who say "aboat." :p

-Tell us all what it is about knives that you like.
Click to expand...
They're shiny!
 
Thanks for the giveaway!!
My terrible joke:
-Q: How do ghosts fly from one place to another? A: By scareplane.
-My grandma is from canada.
-What do I like about knives? I believe in the saying "be strong, be useful"...what helps you be more useful then a knife ;)
 
Joke:
Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?
A: A refund.

Canada: My ancestors are from there.

How remarkable simplicity to their form yields an amazing amount of utility.
 
- A man calls up his psychiatrist:
"Doctor, doctor! I keep hallucinating that I'm a dollar bill!"
"Well, sir, I'm afraid that just doesn't make any cents."
(Lame, but given the sheer number of "doctor, doctor!" jokes, I love 'em.)

- The thing I like most about Canada is that it's so close to Minnesota, of course. :D

- The thing I like most about knives is the sheer number of functions they can provide you with in a pinch.
 
Blonde: I was born in the U.S.
Friend: Oh really, what part?
Blonde: All of me, silly.

There accents are awesome. It always makes me laugh.

I love how many different uses you can get from a knife. Cutting, Smashing, Digging.

Good Luck all!
 
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