This one is for knife makers only please!

Have you been diagnosed with a depression disorder?

  • yup

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  • nope

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Dave It seems to me like you need to work some things out with your wife or ditch her if she bothers you enough
Me yeah I am antisocial if people wont leave me alone I usually say something that pisses them off so much they never talk to me again my PROJECTS are my life they change all the time and i can never pick one thing but there fun and keep me occupied for awhile at least
 
I spent the better part of the first fourty years of my life thinking I suffered from depression. EEEEEENNNHNT Wrong I was, it turned out to be nothing more than a learned pattern of behavior that had become a habit. Learned pattern of behavior from my childhood. Never took the time to step back and see it untill I had enough time in the shop alone with creating and reviewing my life!
Someone said it takes 21 days to break a habit or to make a new one.
They were right if you are aware and catch yourself every time, behavior patterns can be changed.
Guess what I am no longer depressed.

Even though the doctor says I'm still sick...I think were just fine;)
 
Dear Dave,

I usually avoid commenting on such personal matters, but the content and tone of your message was quite alarming. I know this is presumptuous as I do not know you, but simply take this for what it is worth.

You only get one chance! I truly feel divorce is one of the biggest problems in America today, but there are times when it is the best of many bad options. Very bad people rob banks and hurt other people and do many horrible things and our society only punishes them for a few years--why should you punish yourself for your entire life!?! If you can fix it, fix it. But if not, and it is truly as bad as you wrote, get out!

I write this from the bottom of my heart.

Good luck,

John
 
John and Bryce, thanks for your kind thoughts. Man I've been divorced before (got it down pat) and I'm not going to get divorced again. That being said, my wife has a lot to do to make things better. And I'm not just saying that to be flip, this is her issue not mine. I do my share around the house too believe me.

That being said, she's coming from a truly horrifying background you would not believe. Most of her family does not deserve to draw air. She lived literally under torture (all kinds) until adulthood, and that just twists how you see things. So I try to cut her some slack. Last night you found me not cutting her any slack; I'm only human and just get fed up some days. Really it's her vile family I should take this out on, but I enjoy my liberty too much.

Her childhood is hard for me to imagine because I grew up in a normal Christian, consistent, loving, authoritarian household where everything was the same everyday. My wife literally was tortured every day. Leaves its mark.

She's made remarkable improvements in the years we've been married, but no one is perfect and she slips too. The "real her" is frightened all the time, and me not hanging out with her means (to her) she's worthless. Go figure. It doesn't make sense to me because I'd like nothing better than a week - or a month - of utter solitude. But solitude terrifies my wife and she's home alone all day, just waiting for me to come home. And when I get home all I want is some peace and quiet. Nothing's easy.

Sorry for the rant, but I needed to try to clear the air after my previous rant! :rolleyes:

The way I see it my life has four parts: My marriage and family, my faith, my job, and making stuff (I mostly make knives; I love knives). My faith is always there and good to rely on. You know about my marriage. :o

My job does not give me personal satisfaction. It's just Excel spreadsheets all day that evaporate when they're no longer needed. They're fun to build - done right they're elegant and powerful - but they have no "presence." I love making real stuff, it gives my life joy and lets me leave something pretty and useful behind.

Dave
 
Dave,
Your situation hits close to home for me. My wife had a difficult time growing up with her family as well. Not as bad as your wife's situation, but definitely some abuse. She needs to have me around or she gets depressed. I grew up in a very stable environment and I, like you, like my solitude. I could spend a week alone in my shop and not only would I enjoy the week, but it would make me appreciate my wife all the more when I did see her. But during the same week, she would have a hard time getting along without me. She would probably sit and watch TV and get depressed. I'm lucky that she's very understanding of my need to spend time alone.
Your work situation hits close to home too. I do database work for a software company. Not only does all my work go away after a very short time, but I can't see or touch my work. Databases are out there in the ether somewhere. Hard to feel that I'm creating anything.
It's good to know that I'm not alone. From reading this thread, I think I'm at home with knifemakers.

Ward
 
Dave
You sound like what I just have been going through
this is why I was gone from the forum so long.
I went about 6 weeks pulling my hair out.
Though never divorced and married for 25 years
My wife was molested by her step father (the term father used very loosely)
he raped her sister and more..
very big issues for years to come and still today.
I to (was)in a job I hated for years and years..
I was some of the problem ( maybe a lot of it ) in our problems
I was using her for a
sounding board and thought it was OK. she even said she understood??
stress will kill love and you won't even know it until it's too late..because of the rut we get in.
now that the youngster ( both of them)has left for collage
she if not working was going nuts.
she was always under foot before, wanting to be with me all the time,
for years.
then something changed??
she was to herself on the net all the time.
I found out she was cybering with someone that told her
what she wanted to hear, making her feel good. real good
I mean it was bad enough she didn't think she could give him up.
I was shocked to say the least..The mind does strange things
for strange reasons..
I almost walked, and after 25 years of mostly good years..

I now am a new man, no bad jokes, no words that can be used
as put downs. she is very fragile and needs who she married.
A LOT OF HARD WORK to make it work. this is just a little
of what I've been though.
your venting and it's easier to do so with us with no faces..
I know.. you can't talk to family because it
will make them one sided. and you need to vent it..I did and still do..
but very carefully.
I'm with you my man and I know... believe me I know...I made
some right decisions in my life. and I was a lot of the blame
look at yourself Dave and make sure your working at it too..
and have not given up,, if you have it's doomed.
It is work on both sides if one stops working it's over Guy.
You need to talk to her and communicate...some would have
in my case walked
it would have been the easy way to deal with it. but not a good
answer for the kids, your time together,
years in my case..she has to be treated with TLC more so than
many other girls. she is scaired and scared
for a life time. I'm getting depressed here.. I'm kind of venting too...
.I hope the best for you friend.. please show this to your Love

see what she says...it will be interesting..
PS I was not right all the time even though I thought I was,,,
slack needs to be cut both ways. a good woman is very hard to find.
sorry if I put my
:footinmou edited because I can't spell..:(
 
Dave,

I really admire your strong moral stand and convictions. And I wish you only success in your marriage. Judging by your last post, I am sure you will make it.

John
 
Man you guys are cool. Dan, you know it exactly when you say how you feel right when you're not... I'm sure glad I don't have that problem! :p Ah, just kidding. I'm wrong too often, and should work to be more patient. I'm lucky not to have a huge ego so can suck it up and admit when I'm wrong and usually (not always, or at least not soon enough) do what needs to be done to patch things up when it's not me who's driving. That's what you mean about give and take. It's worth it. And for what it's worth I sure admire your courage and love.

Ward, I bet a bunch of knifemakers lived careers they found boring or just unsatisfying waiting to spend their retirements doing what they love. We're in good company here.

I appologise to any who felt embarrased by my descriptions of my life. Dan's right that it's easier to vent when there are no faces... And I feel like this is a sort of extended family, so might relax too much for your comfort.

Well, I'm gonna back out of this thread. I bet Michael is going, "Holy Cow! This was an innocent question!"

Dave
 
Dave
I do have an ego and way too much pride. to think
think that someone is chasing my wife knowing she's married
the first thing I wanted to do was ripe his head off and feed
it to him through the other end, being the big a$$ he is I think it would have fit,,
being married himself..problem gone type deal..(his poor wife I'm thinking now)
I may have done that a few years ago if I found him..
.The thing is I did some research
and found him, wife, 2 girls, family, a brother and all.
perty good him in WI and I in Me.
then thinking about it, damn they don't want you
making knives in prison :confused: :( :eek: :D :D a little funny there:)
I didn't want you to think you were like me,, just keep an open mind in case you have any of the faults this old salt has.

yah.. I love the hell out of her and almost lost her.
it almost took this to bring it back out...nouph said:footinmou
 
I've been married 21 years - been with her for 27. Once you realize that much of it is about constant change and adaptation - it gets easier to understand, but the hard work is always there - you have to want to do it. Also, I've noticed I started putting on some more weight once I started eating a lot of crow....but that won't hurt me...

...on the original question of knifemaking, Artistic endeavors have been my entire life. In some fields folks are more closeted and introverted - I think tht opposite is true of knifemakers. One common thread (IMHO) is that many are outsiders, independent types who relate best to the same - that attitude and freedom only frees the creative spirit....we all also share that tendency to loose ourselves in the work, the studio, etc - I get a little warning bell that goes off and says "get out, do something different, reflect on my sucesses and failures, connect with the wife, a friend I haven't talked to for a while, etc." - when I do,my psyche and my work are always the better for it.

Bob
 
This is cool everyone airing there problems like this..
Heck Dave and Dan,Donna and me were having some troubles:eek: :eek: :eek: here awhile back.Seemed I was spending all my time from my other job in the shop and no time with her.We got that worked out fine when I went full time and thought things were going great.Then our oldest Daughter started having troubles in school and not wanting to mind and copped a attitude of total disrepect for everybody and everything.Donna started getting onto me saying I was to hard on her and nit picked to much by trying to make her perfect like I wanted but she wasn't.We worked this out by every time I would growl and Donna thought it was unnecesary or to extreme she would just put her hand on my shoulder or give me a little Bruce,or just something to make me realize she thought I was out of bounds.This works great,except now after almost 2 years the oldest has figured this out and when it happens she gets worse by thinking i am in trouble and won't say any thing after that.We ended up taking her to the phyciatrist and other doctors.They said that there wasn't anything wrong with her except attitude.But they did try putting her on all different kinds of medicine,which Donna hated and was mad at me for letting them do.I thought they might help myself.They didn't help and she still didn't straighten up.The phsiciatrist finally got it out of her one day.It was that she wanted me to spend more time with her as I did when she was younger.I was the one that took her to day care and fed her dinner and let her be in the shop or go out and shoot our Bows and I even taught her to shoot a 22 when she was only 2 years old (kind of scary,but she did and has always respected the guns) she only shot when setting on my lap of course.needless to say we did allot of things together.untill she started going to school.This stopped most of everything we did,so she rebelled against school and us as she knew if she didn't mind Donna that I would have to come in the house even though it made me cranky and ill with her.She would rather I was in the house fussing than in the shop and her not with me.I hadn't even thought of this as a problem and neither did Donna.The doctors then said that I was going to have to work my shop like a regular job with set hours only,That way I would be in when she got home from school untill bed time.It is being really tough on me to do this as there are days that I get in the Zone and don't want to be bothered with dinner or anything,but then I have to stop and head to the house when the buss pulls up to keep the kids and Donna happy.Then I set here in the house thinking of what needs to be done in the shop and what I could be doing besides sitting on my dead butt and watching tv,this gets me into one of those sort of depressed states were you just can't get motivated again but then you can't sleep either.needless to say I spend allot of late nights in front of this computer or the tv and just veg,and get mad at myself for not having the disaplin to get back in the zone once every one in the house is in bed.I do get there sometimes but then most of the time I get on the phone and make a pest of myself with others as I just can't get motivated again..
Heck this is killing me.I hate promising a knife done by a certain time anymore as I never make it,Weekends are now completey in the house and out of the shop to be with the family.It is working for them but not me.I hate not keeping my word,but the family has to come irst and I would rather be late than have Donna on my ass.I can go to the shop even now that The oldest knows that we need the money from the orders to get Christmas presents,Then stay about a half hour and here comes Donna wanting me to come back in the house as the girls won't mind and are accting like wild indians.When the see me they just stop and start behaving,as long as I am in the house.
Chin up we all are having tough times now with all the bad stuff going on and hard times.We will all work through it and make more knives another day.
Better quit venting myself.
Bruce
 
I almost forgot.....
Just think what I am going through at the present with this trip coming up to go help my Dad.Sure Donna is going for a few days,but she has never flown before and is a little spooked there and is starting to get allot spooked about flying back by herself.Then the fun will start,I will be gone at least 2 weeks and it will be her and the girls only..The girls are showing out now real good,and Donna is getting a bad feeling that she will be in for Hell while I am gone..So stress and tension is high here at the present.I know it will all work out and I told Donna that this is probably a good thing as the girls will have to learn to mind her and not just me.Then again I may get home to a wife ready to run away herself:eek:
Boy am I getting stressed about the whole thing..
Bruce
 
Hey Bruce
call me anytime to vent or just to BS .
it does help being full time,, well mostly full time making
anyway, but I've been full time self-employed for about 15 years now
with the shop right beside the house.
so I've been here for the boys a big part of the time.
dad the enforcer and mom the good guy...but ole mom don't get the respect
ole dad does but it sucks being the heavy all the time.
but that's the dues she has to pay for not listening and do the correcting too.
it's amazing we only got one chance to get it half right.

you could tell the girls its time to act their age and buck up ,
it's just the way it is and has to be,, gramp needs you more right now...
but that's just my 2 cent with the ole foot in face.:footinmou
I wish you all the best, trip and the rest..
try to get them a return trip with few stops as possible. that maybe a duuhhh anyway..
 
Thanks Dan,The girls are staying with Grandma while Donna and I go to Portland.She will be flying completely by herself,I think that is what bothers her the most.The flight is basically a non stop.She has one stop in mineapolise and it is just a stop so she doesn't change planes,then to Memphise were she gets on a small plane to bring her back to Tupelo..That ia as easy as I could get it for her.She will be fine,think it is just nerves now and dreading the time alone with the girls.Heck Grandma doesn't even like keeping them both at the same time herself,She didn't get a choice this time though.
We will survive it and maybe the gorls will learn to mind there Mpther more.Or when I get back I won't get into trouble with Donna for staying on them as bad.

Better get to work while I can.
Bruce
 
I don't know what you married guys are going thru cause I've never had the pleasure but I've always hoped if I do find my sould mate, that she'll be a first class scrimshander and sheath maker. :D
Have you gents thought about including your ladies in the craft in some way or is that a no no?



PS, man, I never thought this thread would see this much action, lol!
 
Sure we try to get the wives involved.But it takes a special lady to want to set in a dirty shop and work with you.Some will some won't.Plus they have to have the love of the craft we do or they never understand.
Donna understands the need I have to create things,She liked the wood working I used to do and would spend the evenings out in the shop watching me,but that was before kids.She peobably would spend time with me now,but the kids need to be watched.So she does her part by working a full time job and letting me make my knives,then Models the knives for us all to enjoy.
Bruce
 
Hey I love working out in the shop. It's my time, I always have 4- 5 knives going at the same time so i don't get bored.Cound't make 2 the same on a bet.
Now if I could just find the damn door I'm going back out there.
Remember just because your'e paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you.

Take Care
TJ
 
in the past two days guys, i have goten more hits on my web site than ever!:eek: . i guess that by coming clean with my mental problems everybody want to see what kind of knives i make:D LOL
 
Hello everyone, long time no post. Just to chime in on the subject. Actually I tend to enjoy being by myself in the shop. I am in contact with a lot of people in my other job and the shop is my way of getting the alone time I need. I tend to lose all track of time and just get totally involved in what I am doing, especially forging, What a great tension release. So no real depression here. Also my wife is a licensed professional counselor and mental health professional so she keeps me sane.
 
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