Witty Retorts for the Sheeple

Doing a 100% office/business presentation-style job, there is only very little opportunity or need for me to use a knife during working hours. So I adapt what I carry: usually a lovely small Spyderco Kiwi which is marvelous for those few office-type cutting tasks. I doesn't look like a weapon either, it's rather cute.
I wouldn't bring something bigger at work, there is absolutely no reason to for example walk around with my splendid Volpe at work and what I definitely do NOT want is to be regarded as "that weird geek". When it comes to careers, always keep in mind that perception equals reality for the observer, so I won't do what is not socially accepted.
In my private life I often have a mcusta damascus-clad folder in my pocket, but I won't take it to work.
 
I have come to realize that often the snarky comments we get about our pocket knives have nothing to do with knives per se, but are just catty remarks. Take away the knife, and they might have to settle for a crack about our clothing, the way we talk, or the way we part our hair.

It's just a way for an insecure person to try to make himself feel good for a split second. We all know that person who, in any situation, zeros in on anything he thinks might embarass you and without fail opens his mouth about it.

I don't know the best way to deal with such a person. Maybe it's to always have an embarrassing zinger with which to return fire. Maybe it's just to say to them "can't you for once keep your mouth shut?" Maybe there is no known cure.
 
Why do you carry a knife?

--Because it won't carry itself
--Because carrying five knives is too much hassle.
--Because it won't carry me
--Because carrying a spoon would just be silly
--Because you don't and I might need to cut something
 
Someone said to me "you have no need to carry that." (I like large folders)

I asked them if they had a fire extinguisher. They said yes.

I said "you hope you'll never need it. You'll be damn glad you had it if you do."
 
archieblue said:
As a raft guide, it is illegal to NOT carry a knife. ....but I STILL had some dumbass ask the question... I. could. not. believe. it... so I just said "in case I have to kill you."
Click to expand...

I don't know the tone that this particular rafting customer was using, but I think that some people might actually be curious why someone in a completely inflatable boat would have an extremely sharp, pionted object prominently displayed on the front of his life jacket, probably mounted "upside down." It's a logical question and a great opportunity to discuss the use of the rescue rope and other safety issues.

A little education can go a long way and maybe we should take these opportunities to politely point out what to us seems obvious, but to them may be a mystery (whether it is in a raft or any other situation).
 
I've used this one a few times with great result.

Q: "Why do you have/cary/own a knife ect?"

A: " I'm very cutting edge" (or, when I'm dressed nice, I say, 'I like to look sharp'
 
Heard this one on BF before. It works very well in an office environment.

Them: Why do you carry that knife? Are you going to kill someone?

Me: I noticed you have a pen in your hand. Does that mean you intend to write a novel?

They usually get the point.

-Mark
 
Q: Why do you carry that knife?
A: Because scissors don't fit well in my pocket.

Q: Why do you carry that thing, it's a weapon
A: *Looks around for a person with a weapon*
 
I've been carrying one form or another of the american folder(Buck 110 ect) since I was old enough to walk out my mamma's back door and not until recently had I never had anyone,even occasional nice conversations with the highway patrolman,ask me about it..but a "Security" company asked me to take off my Leatherman because it "looked like a weapon". I gave them my reply as a resignation from their company. Nuff said.
 
If appropriate, I would say, "You know?, you're right." And then I would stop and walk away from the task they just asked me to do with my knife.
 
I really like some of the replies in this thread. When I am asked, I always want to say it's for finishing off things that I wound with this- as I pull out my HK.

But I think Spyderco got it right, "All of God's critters have knives."
 
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