100,000 Likes Giveaway - Winners Drawn!

Jack my friend, I cannot think about a joke at this minute- but there have been some mighty ones, Well, I for the lack of posting much pretty much suck with how many likes I have lol- but thats ok!
I am not surprised to see you at the top of the Mountain- and deservedly so matey- well done, I....like many others have been way way lucky enough to be a recipient of your fantastic generosity my friend- so I am not in for the competition, but would like to join the ever growing queue to say well done, congratulations and Thank You so so much for everything you do for us here- and most probably to everyone else involved in your life because you have this amazing, generous and helpful persona about you!

Yay to Jack! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :)
 
"I went for a short walk today just to get out of the house and I found a wallet, I was gonna keep it rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson." ;):D

Thanks Jack, this one is for Hickory n steel who lost a knife today.
 
View attachment 1306247 I’m in and congratulations. My serum Sheffield is low.

A sailor disembarks in Boston Harbor and hails a cab. He asks the cabbie, "Do you know where I can get scrod?" "Well yes" replies the cabbie, "but that's first time I've heard it requested in the pluperfect subjunctive."

The lobster has a curved jaw cuticle nipper. It is my most used knife.
 
How could I pass up a Giveaway from you Jack! The knives that have come my way from you are some of my very favorites :)

As far as a joke, I know a lot, some that I can even write here. But most are more in the vein of groaners than actual laugh out loud jokes. So I'll forgo the attempt to actually get you to laugh and just say one of my favorites:

What do you call the Irishman passed out on your lawn?
Paddy O'Furniture!

Be well everyone.
 
Congratulations Jack on the milestone!

I’m in with this bad joke.

A mushroom walked into a bar. The bartender says, hey get out of here, we don’t serve mushrooms! Mushroom says why not? I’m a fungi!
 
I’m in, Jack. Thanks!

John was drinking at his pub all night. When he got up to leave, he fell flat on his face. He tried to stand again, but to no avail; he fell flat on his face. He decided to crawl outside and get some fresh air to see if that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and, sure enough, fell flat on his face yet again. So he crawled all the way home.

When he got to the door he stood up yet again, but fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and up the stairs into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried once more to stand upright. He managed to pull himself to his feet but fell into bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He woke the next morning to his wife shaking him and shouting, "So, you’ve been out drinkin' as usual!"

"Why would you say that?" he asked innocently.

"Because the pub called, and you’ve left your wheelchair there again!"
 
Wow, thanks for all the entries jokes, the great jokes, and the kind words :) :thumbsup:

rockman0 said:
I`m in and thanks for your overboard generosity, happy birthday a little early! :thumbsup:
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Thanks Rob, going to be a strange one this year, and probably for all of us o_O Some humour has got to help?! :D :thumbsup:

Campbellclanman said:
Jack my friend, I cannot think about a joke at this minute- but there have been some mighty ones, Well, I for the lack of posting much pretty much suck with how many likes I have lol- but thats ok!
I am not surprised to see you at the top of the Mountain- and deservedly so matey- well done, I....like many others have been way way lucky enough to be a recipient of your fantastic generosity my friend- so I am not in for the competition, but would like to join the ever growing queue to say well done, congratulations and Thank You so so much for everything you do for us here- and most probably to everyone else involved in your life because you have this amazing, generous and helpful persona about you!

Yay to Jack! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :)
Click to expand...

I was very surprised and very touched Duncan, particularly as I never post outside The Porch these days, and really don't post as much as I once did - and I'm a curmudgeonly Yorkshireman! :D It goes to show what a kind and generous bunch folks are here, like your very good self :) Thank you for your friendship over the years pal, and I hope that you and Sue, and all your family are doing well, the same goes to everyone else here :) :thumbsup:
 
What a great idea Jack, I’m in!

A burglar entered a house in the middle of the afternoon. He tied up the woman at gun-point, and asked the man to hand over all the jewelry and cash. The man started crying and said, “You can take anything you want. You can even beat me, but please untie the rope and free her.”

Thief: “You must really love your wife!”

Man: “No, but she will be home soon.”
 
A man and his wife were driving home after finalizing the details of their will.
The woman asks the man "If I die, will you re-marry?".
He replied "Yes, after a proper period of mourning I probably would re-marry."
"Would you have her in the house we shared?" she asked.
"Yes, I would probably not want to move." he replied.
"Would you have her in the same bed we shared?" she asked.
"Yes, it's a good bed and I would want to keep it." he replied.
"Certainly you would not let her use my golf clubs, would you??" she exclaimed.
"Oh no, she's left handed....."

best

mqqn
 
I'm in, please, and Thank You! Great thread. A sign behind the till in a Mom 'n' Pop cafe in Billings, Montana (now closed). "WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO SERVE REFUSE TO ANYONE." There was also an autographed photo of Richard Nixon on the wall, who had dined there in the 1960s.
 
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