"Carl's Lounge" (Off-Topic Discussion, Traditional Knife "Tales & Vignettes")

To all of those unfortunate souls who are doing last minute shopping tonight (I forgot foodstuffs and hard cider yesterday!), watch out for those knuckleheads in the parking lots that aren't watching out for you. Last year I saw most of the people at the local Wegmans grocery store, on cellphones. These were pedestrians not paying attention to the cars being driven by drivers not paying attention. People are worried about relatives and friends coming to visit, they are worried about gifts they haven't gotten, they are worried about the dinner menu, they are worried about family and friends in the hospital or in the war zone. Point is, make sure you worry about those around you, and make sure that if they're not watching you, you're watching them.

People are crazy out here tonight! Only going to get worse tomorrow night, but I'll be at home nursing a hard cider before heading off to midnight mass.
 
Oh man, the kids are worried about what loot they're going to get under the tree on Christmas. To quote the movie Borat, you must not hit the children!
 
The Sheffield Workhouse



When Duncan and Sue visited Sheffield earlier in the year, I pointed out to them the site of Ibbotson’s original Globe Steel Works, which is situated close to the Kelham Island Industrial Museum. Only part of the original building remains today, and the building itself was not originally a steel works, but a silk mill, built in 1758, and employing 150 workers, mainly women and children. Later, the the mill was converted to cotton spinning, but it was burnt down twice, and was abandoned in 1821. In 1829 the Sheffield Guardians of the Poor bought it as a cheap building for the town’s workhouse (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workhouse). According to a local guidebook: “For the next fifty-three years this vast edifice was held in dread by the people of Sheffield. Up to 600 paupers at a time were crammed in, and thousands more queued to seek “outdoor relief” or “dole”. While admission to the workhouse was voluntary (a choice between that and starvation), conditions inside were no different to a prison, with sexes segregated, and children separated from their mothers and fathers. Discipline was strict, with 14 hour working days (12 hours on Sundays) and harsh treatment. Infractions were punished severely, for example in 1746 two female inmates in Sheffield workhouse caught attempting to steel a linen sheet were thrown into the “black hole” and then whipped (http://www.workhouses.org.uk/Sheffield/).

When my father first started work, he worked with a few old men who had been raised in the Sheffield workhouse. Apparently when workhouse-raised children reached an age where they could be employed in local factories, they were much sought after because the factory owners realised the poor kids had been utterly broken by their upbringing, and were therefore more readily exploited.

Part of the hospital where my eldest daughter was born was originally one of the later Sheffield workhouses. In the 1970’s, the entrance to a tunnel was discovered during the building of some new houses. The tunnel ran for more than half a mile back to the workhouse, and was used to carry corpses out of the building under cover of darkness, so as not to cause unrest among the inmates.

This seasonal monologue (below), published in 1877 by Robert Sims, was once extremely popular here. I’m afraid it is rather gloomy. I also found this very melodramatic old recording:

[video=youtube;kR9jQeXm46c]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR9jQeXm46c[/video]

Christmas Day In the Workhouse

It is Christmas Day in the Workhouse,
And the cold bare walls are bright
With garlands of green and holly,
And the place is a pleasant sight:
For with clean-washed hands and faces,
In a long and hungry line
The paupers sit at the tables
For this is the hour they dine.
And the guardians and their ladies,
Although the wind is east,
Have come in their furs and wrappers,
To watch their charges feast;
To smile and be condescending,
Put pudding on pauper plates,
To be hosts at the workhouse banquet
They've paid for - with their rates.


Oh, the paupers are meek and lowly
With their 'Thank'ee kindly, mum's'
So long as they fill their stomachs,
What matter it whence it comes?
But one of the old men mutters,
And pushes his plate aside:
'Great God!' he cries; 'but it chokes me!
For this is the day she died.'


The guardians gazed in horror,
The master's face went white;
'Did a pauper refuse the pudding?'
Could their ears believe aright?
Then the ladies clutched their husbands,
Thinking the man would die,
Struck by a bolt, or something,
By the outraged One on high.


But the pauper sat for a moment,
Then rose 'mid a silence grim,
For the others had ceased to chatter
And trembled in every limb.
He looked at the guardians' ladies,
Then, eyeing their lords, he said,
'I eat not the food of villains
Whose hands are foul and red:


'Whose victims cry for vengeance
From their dank, unhallowed graves.'
'He's drunk!' said the workhouse master,
'Or else he's mad and raves.'
'Not drunk or mad,' cried the pauper,
'But only a hunted beast,
Who, torn by the hounds and mangled,
Declines the vulture's feast.


'Keep your hands off me, curse you!
Hear me right out to the end.
You come here to see how paupers
The season of Christmas spend.
You come here to watch us feeding,
As they watch the captured beast.
Hear why a penniless pauper
Spits on your paltry feast.


'Do you think I will take your bounty,
And let you smile and think
You're doing a noble action
With the parish's meat and drink?
Where's my wife, you traitors -
The poor old wife you slew?
Yes, by the God above us,
My Nance was killed by you!


'Last winter my wife lay dying,
Starved in a filthy den;
I had never been to the parish, -
I came to the parish then.
I swallowed my pride in coming,
For, ere the ruin came,
I held up my head as a trader,
And I bore a spotless name.


'I came to the parish, craving
Break for a starving wife,
Bread for the woman who'd loved me
Through fifty years of life;
And what do you think they told me,
Mocking my awful grief?
That 'the House' was open to us,
But they wouldn't give 'out relief.'


'I slunk to the filthy alley -
'Twas a cold, raw Christmas eve -
And the bakers' shops were open,
Tempting a man to thieve;
But I clenched my fists together,
Holding my head awry,
So I came to her empty-handed
And mournfully told her why.


'Then I told her 'the House' was open;
She had heard of the ways of that,
For her bloodless cheeks went crimson,
And up in her rags she sat,
Crying, 'Bide the Christmas here, John,
We've never had one apart;
I think I can bear the hunger, -
The other would break my heart.'


'All through that eve I watched her,
Holding her hand in mine,
Praying the Lord, and weeping,
Till my lips were salt as brine.
I asked her once if she hungered,
And as she answered 'No,'
The moon shone in at the window
Set in a wreath of snow.


'Then the room was bathed in glory,
And I saw in my darling's eyes
The far-away look of wonder
That comes when the spirit flies;
And her lips were parched and parted,
And her reason came and went,
For she raved of our home in Devon,
Where our happiest years were spent.


'And the accents long forgotten,
Came back to the tongue once more,
For she talked like the country lassie
I woo'd by the Devon shore.
Then she rose to her feet and trembled,
And fell on the rags and moaned,
And, 'Give me a crust - I'm famished -
For the love of God!' she groaned.


'I rushed from the room like a madman,
And flew to the workhouse gate,
Crying, 'Food for a dying woman!'
And the answer came, 'Too late.'
They drove me away with curses;
Then I fought with a dog in the street,
And tore from the mongrel's clutches
A crust he was trying to eat.


'Back, through the filthy by-lanes!
Back, through the trampled slush!
Up to the crazy garret,
Wrapped in an awful hush.
My heart sank down at the threshold,
And I paused with a sudden thrill,
For there in the silv'ry moonlight
My Nance lay, cold and still.


'Up to the blackened ceiling
The sunken eyes were cast -
I knew on those lips all bloodless
My name had been the last;
She'd called for her absent husband -
O God! had I but known! -
Had called in vain, and in anguish
Had died in that den - alone.


'Yes, there, in a land of plenty,
Lay a loving woman dead,
Cruelly starved and murdered
For a loaf of the parish bread.
At yonder gate, last Christmas,
I craved for a human life.
You, who would feast us paupers,
What of my murdered wife!

. . . . . . . .

'There, get ye gone to your dinners;
Don't mind me in the least;
Think of the happy paupers
Eating your Christmas feast;
And when you recount their blessings
In your smug parochial way,
Say what you did for me, too,
Only last Christmas Day.'

George Robert Sims

Wow - Jack, what a fantastic write-up, I hope you don't mind me quoting this as it deserves to be read again.

I don't think we can even imagine the conditions let alone the more unsavoury horrible crimes against the people in there that you haven't mentioned, there would have been some terrible things going on there.

I am just going to read this again, then consider myself lucky I am here in the haven that surrounds me today.
Merry Christmas Jack, and fellow knife enthusiast friends.
 
Wow - Jack, what a fantastic write-up, I hope you don't mind me quoting this as it deserves to be read again.

I don't think we can even imagine the conditions let alone the more unsavoury horrible crimes against the people in there that you haven't mentioned, there would have been some terrible things going on there.

I am just going to read this again, then consider myself lucky I am here in the haven that surrounds me today.
Merry Christmas Jack, and fellow knife enthusiast friends.

Merry Christmas to you too Duncan, and to all our friends here :)

Jack
 
Another thanks for that Jack:thumbup:
I read it twice, then listened to the audio vid link. Very touching...and thought provoking stuff...it actually kind of fit my mood after getting home from dealing with insane traffic, aggravated drivers, and looong lines at the market.
 
Terrific and horrific account of a time in the not so distant past, on both sides of the pond. Once upon a time, there was no social security, no welfare, no food stamps, and at times, no hope. This holiday season, be grateful we live in a somewhat more civilized era. Some of us. For others, there is no safety net. I can only hope that many gave to the bell ringers outside the stores, where they over spent on toys that will be discarded in a few months.

Carl.
 
It's not lost on me that many who escaped the workhouse here in those terrible times went (or found their way) to the 'New World' in search of a better life. For the poor people arriving, many in debt for their passage and virtual slaves, there must have been hard times to come, but hopefully they and their forbears saw happier days. I know it doesn't always seem that way, but I guess, in many ways, we're the lucky ones today.

In the days before gramophones, as I'm sure you all know, people took turns to entertain each other at family parties and social gatherings, often having a set-piece they would sing or a monologue they would recite. Here, Christmas in the Workhouse was a hugely popular monologue, and such was its ubiquity that there were even, perhaps strangely, well-known bawdier versions.

I remember hearing snatches of the poem recited by older relatives as a child. However, my maternal grandfather's monologue was entitled Sheep on Burbage Moor (Burbage Moor is on the outskirts of Sheffield), it went "Baaaaa!" ;)

Happy Christmas friends :)

Jack
 
It's not lost on me that many who escaped the workhouse here in those terrible times went (or found their way) to the 'New World' in search of a better life. For the poor people arriving, many in debt for their passage and virtual slaves, there must have been hard times to come, but hopefully they and their forbears saw happier days. I know it doesn't always seem that way, but I guess, in many ways, we're the lucky ones today.

In the days before gramophones, as I'm sure you all know, people took turns to entertain each other at family parties and social gatherings, often having a set-piece they would sing or a monologue they would recite. Here, Christmas in the Workhouse was a hugely popular monologue, and such was its ubiquity that there were even, perhaps strangely, well-known bawdier versions.

I remember hearing snatches of the poem recited by older relatives as a child. However, my maternal grandfather's monologue was entitled Sheep on Burbage Moor (Burbage Moor is on the outskirts of Sheffield), it went "Baaaaa!" ;)

Happy Christmas friends :)

Jack

Jack,

Do you mean versions like this?


CHRISTMAS DAY IN THE WORKHOUSE

'Twas Christmas Day in the workhouse, the happiest day of the year.
The paupers' hearts were filled with joy and their bellies full of beer.

Up spoke the Workhouse Master: "To all within these halls,
I wish you a Merry Christmas!" and the paupers answered, "Balls!"

If you don't believe me, if you think I'm telling a lie,
Just ask the Workhouse Master. He was there as well as I.

Up spoke the Workhouse Master and said, "If you're not good,
I'll be a lousy rotter and stop your Christmas pud."

Up spoke the leading pauper. He said, "It's all a farce.
You can take your Christmas pudding and stick it up your arse!"

And if you don't believe me, if you think I'm telling a lie,
Just ask the Workhouse Master. He was there as well as I.
 
Indeed Raymond! I suspect that some of the alternative versions (and there are many) are also pretty old, they certainly go back to the trenches of WW1 and may be older still. Some are regional and use dialect words, and of course people made up verses and added them. A common theme is substituting a final non-rhyming word or line to replace an obvious rude rhyming one.

A couple of examples are below, but I'm afraid most are probably far too rude for this forum (one of the verses I've omitted actually mentions a pearl-handled penknife :) )

It was Christmas Day in the workhouse
The merriest day of the year
The paupers and the prisoners
Were all assembled there

In came the Christmas pudding
When a voice that shattered glass
Said, "We don't want your Christmas pudding
So stick it
there with the rest of the unwanted presents"

....

So then they all began to sing
Which shook the workhouse walls
"Merry Christmas!" cried the master
And the inmates shouted
"Best of luck to you as well sir !"

Hope nobody is offended :)
 
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The theme still continues to this day Jack;

And his name was Knobby Hall, Knobby Hall.
His name was Knobby Hall, Knobby Hall.
His name was Knobby Hall and he only had oooonnnne .... finger.
Oh his name was Knobby Hall, Knobby Hall.

And he went to rob a bank, rob a bank.
He went to rob a bank, rob a bank.
He went to rob a bank and on the way he had aaaaaa .... Sandwich.
Oh his name was Knobby Hall, Knobby Hall.

- ah rugby tours, those were the days.

ImageUploadedByTapatalk1387927792.081433.jpg

Weather was a but nuts today, had to close the causeway from Point to Stornoway while the tide was high. On a normal day you should be able to see Stornoway town from that view. Oh there should be a road coming back from the left too!

Happy Christmas all!

Paul
 
Impressive pic Paul. Hope you're not having to work today.

Happy Christmas :)

Jack
 
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1387985194.159573.jpg

Meet Mack. Old boys are tired of young punks, crazy dogs love him and fat pups are worried about their Christmas bones, particularly how they can get all three in their mouth.
 
Have they changed the procedure for posting photo's on the forum?

Now when I try to post a pic, I get a box with a blade forums logo saying the media is too big. I can still post on a few other forums I go to using the same photo bucket account and procedure. I'm mystified, not being real computer savy by the change in things.

Carl.
 
Have they changed the procedure for posting photo's on the forum?

Now when I try to post a pic, I get a box with a blade forums logo saying the media is too big. I can still post on a few other forums I go to using the same photo bucket account and procedure. I'm mystified, not being real computer savy by the change in things.

Carl.

you probably need to change size of the photo's. 800x600 seems to be the recognized standard.
but it means you have to edit all the pictures you want to post that it wont let you post to do so
 
Spent the day with my wife and two best friends and a real nice brewery along the way, beautiful highway 1 in SW MT. Sorry no sweet pics of the Pintler range as the sun is low and bright today, nice temp of 55 F which is uncommon.

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This is a copper chilled platen in the bar that is 37 F, very nice to set your pint on
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Looks like a nice place to stop on a great day drive Kris, the pups seem right at home in the car :thumbup:
 
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