favorite quotes or analogies

warning, adult theme ahead:


"She's got so much clit, she don't NEED balls." from an old L7 song, IIRC. Maybe it was Babes in ToyLand...
 
Shes so short she'd have to stand on a bucket to spit in a ducks ass.

She's no bigger than a popcorn fart.

Red on the head like a dick on a dog.

If she had as many dicks stickin out as she's had stickin in she'd look like a porkypine.

B.O.H.I.C.A. Bend over here it come again.

I'm gonna beat you like a red headed step child.

"I'm no fool Ive been to the joint." Crook to the arresting officer.

On catching crooks. We don't out smart them They out dumb us.
 
On being human and making mistakes: "A man that's never made a f**k-up has never made f**k-all" (Source: my boss in a small engineering workshop. This saying was of much comfort to me).

Expression of frustration: "It's enough to make you chunder in your gumboot" (Source: young lads in an engineering workshop.... you might have to be an Aussie or a Kiwi to appreciate this one).

Describing a tricky engineering repair problem in a confined space: "Hunched up like an Afghan hound trying to screw a tennis ball".
 
MY ALL TIME FAVORITE..................

" IN THE COURSE OF THIS BATTLE, YOUR OPPONENT WILL LOOK YOU STRAIGHT IN THE EYE....WHAT HE SEE'S , WILL DETERMINE THE OUTCOME OF THE BATTLE. ......"Sign hung over the tunnel entrance to the playing field at Notre Dame.
 
"Bucm" (prounounced 'buck em'). This is a short, cryptic saying shared by my old work gang. It arose when my boss thought I was taking too much time (and care?) over a job we were doing for somebody. He said something like this: "Hurry up. Come on, Coote, button it up and collect the money". This kinda reflected his current thoughts on customer service I suppose. In case you haven't seen it already, "buck 'em" sounds like a more vulgar expression, and BUCM comes from Button it Up and Collect the Money. I'm sure workers around the world can identify with this one.

So many of our good sayings contain ideas or language that would be frowned upon in some company. But that doesn't mean they aren't funny or expressive. Here are a couple more that spring to mind.

To convey the idea of untidyness, disorganisation, indecision, or communication without structure: "All over the place like a mad woman's sh!t"

Commenting on the morals of a certain woman: "She bangs like a dunny door in a gale".

"He had a face like a sack full of chisels" - Barry Crump

To express one's reluctance to do something: "I'd rather eat a yard of my own sh!t" (I heard this one in Australia).

I'm enjoying this thanks. Coote.
 
Crazy as a bed bug.
Dumb as a box of rocks.
Dumb as whale sh*t, and that's at the bottom of the sea.
Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.
Crooked as a dog's hind leg.
Nutty as a fruit cake.
Useless as tits on a boar hog.
Couldn't find his *ss with both hands and a flashlight.
Cute as a speckled pup in a red wagon.
A few bricks shy of a load.
The lights are on but nobody's home.
Not exactly the brightest bulb on the tree.
Some of his shingles aren't nailed down.
Haven't had this much fun since the hogs et my little brother.
Thanks for the tip, as the prostitute said to her client, the leper.
And on, and on, and on... :yawn:
 
fulmtaljkt - I heard it as "If she had as much prick on the outside of her as she's had inside her, she'd look like a porcupine." I think that "prick" is a key word there...
 
From my old physics teacher when a student hadn't been listening, and asked where we were:

PT: "Are you part of the Fakawi tribe?"

Student: "What's that mean?"

PT: "Where the f**k are we!"
 
useless as tits on a turtle
useless as hen shit on a pump handle
if my aunt had a dick she'd be my uncle
I'd rather wipe my ass with a green pine cone than do that
if it ain't on paper it didn't happen(truest words in law enforcement)
he's not liar because he lies, he lies because he's a liar
 
"Eagles may soar, but weasels dont get sucked into jet engines"

"Keep your booger hook off of the bang switch"

"Better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt"

"You feel/look like hammered dog-$hit"

"Its all about ass. You are either kickin it, kissin it, coverin it, or tryin to get some of it"
 
Hmmm, I think the advice that was gently shared with me at two times in my life comes to mind here. First, by an elder that was instrumental in my skill development when I was a child and second, when I was kicking the booze habit.

*KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID*
 
My brother, police sniper, when asked at a bible study if he always carries his gun. "If you see me, I've got my gun. If you can't see me, I've got a really BIG gun."

I feel alot more like I do now than when I first got here.

If I owned half of you I'd sell my half.

Knives/guns are like golf clubs, if you have to ask "Which one is best", you probably don't play much golf.

She looked like she'd been touched with a few ten foot poles.

Mac
 
I can't believe I haven't seen "Doesn't know his a$$ from his elbow" yet.

From a whacked out math teacher when somebody asked a question he didn't like- "What's the price of bananas in Alaska?" or- "You're throwing sand in the gears of progress!"
 
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